Am I crazy? Or is my girlfriend expecting too much from me?

[jotanic]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure where to start with this so I'm just going to try and type what comes to my head and hopefully it will make sense.

So I had a girlfriend for about 4 months at the beginning of this year. It was a bit strange, she always seemed to want me to prioritize her over everything else, including myself. For example, I am fairly self conscious about my body and I was in my final university, so I told her that I might not be able to see her as much because I need to focus on my work and fitness and she got very upset and was prepared to break up over that. I could continue about this for a while but there are too many little details. Long story short, it wasn't making me happy because I was always made to feel I wasn't doing enough and we broke up. She almost begged me to get back with her and I declined because I knew she wasn't making me happy.

I came back to university for graduation and saw her on a night out after about 3 months of no contact. We got on well and caught up and ended up sleeping together and tried to start the relationship again, baring in mind I now have moved back home so I have to travel to university every now and then to see her. Everything was okay, but she revealed that she had been quite depressed due to some health issues that stop her doing things she loves like sports, gym etc. I have been as supportive as I can, sometimes she gets angry at me for not much reason but I leave it down to her mental state and don't hold it against her, although it is very emotionally draining on me. At this time, I feel I am doing much more for her than I used to in terms of nice gestures, little things such as getting some gel to help with her physical condition which I massage her with, making her dinner after she's had a long day of uni work as she is also stressed about that, buying her chocolates that I know she likes and just trying to be verbally as supportive as I possibly can with her condition and encouraging her through her treatment even when she loses hope. However, she regularly highlights that she thinks I don't care about her as I am not doing enough, when in my head I know I'm doing as much as I can. She has once said "If you really care you would be here with me right now" when she knows for my own health reasons and money issues that it is impossible for me to be there so it is very unfair and insensitive for her to say that to me. She seems to overlook all the nice things I do for her, and she expects me to be perfect. The things I don't do for her, in her words, are things like making her coffee without her saying she wants a coffee. I do make her coffee but she genuinely said she wants me to be able to read her mind when I said that's what it requires. She says the issue is she wants me to do more little gestures, when I do quite a lot but she always compares them to what other people have done, when the things other people have done are things I physically cannot do, such as driving her to work because its raining or driving her to the shop because her knees hurt (I don't have a car). This makes me feel helpless as I feel I am trying very hard to make her happy but it is never enough, and I fear it will never be enough. I even told her I'm prepared to sacrifice my life, my hobbies and passions that I have at home to stay with her at university and find a job there because she says she can only cope when I am there with her as she feels in control. I was seeing a therapist, not because of my girlfriend, and I told my girlfriend that I asked the therapist about the problems we were having and she got upset because I talked about a "private discussion" with another person, which makes it seem like she knows she being crazy so she doesn't want me to talk to someone who will tell me that she is being crazy because then I'll leave.

I'm very sorry for the long message, there is just so much going on in my head and I'm finding it hard to do anything right now. I appreciate any advice anyone can give greatly.

Thank you for your time.

[TheEvilJester]

I will start off by saying this sounds like one of those situations where we'd really need more details to say for sure. When you were first dating, how often did you two get to see each other? It is definitely important to take care of your health and fitness, but I would wonder why that would have to have all that great an impact on how often you'd see her. So, on the surface my gut reaction is that she sure as Hell shouldn't be expecting you NOT to take care of yourself just so you can see her more..... but maybe if you two got to see each other so rarely as it is I could understand her feeling like that way.

Everything else you describe, maybe with more details, or if I were closer to the situation it might change (even if just slightly) my opinion, but going based just on what you've shared....

I do personally feel like it sounds like she expects too much, yes. It isn't fair of her to be comparing you to past relationships. Now, if you barely did anything special for her, I could understand her being upset about that, but from what you describe it sounds like you do quite a bit. It sounds like A) it's never enough and B) she expects things she should know are simply not possible for you. For example, she can't expect you to give her a ride during the rain.... IF YOU DON'T HAVE A FREAKING CAR!!! LOL!

A lot of what you explain kind of reminds me of my ex. I don't know if perhaps I am just overreacting based on my own experience, but it sounds very similar to me. I did a lot for her, but none of it was ever good enough. She didn't appreciate any of it. It got to the point where I got sick of it all and it started turning me into a person I did not like. If your gal is like that, this may be a vicious cycle that will never end. You may be better off just ending it again and moving on.

I can't decide that, though, because I don't know enough of the details. That is really up for you to decide. It sounds like your gal is going through quite a bit. I can certainly understand that. But that doesn't make it okay for her to mistreat somebody who is only trying to help her. When it comes down to it, though, there really is only so much you can do. Mostly, for somebody battling with depression or things like that, all you can really do is be there for them and support them. The rest is up to them. If she isn't going to fight for herself, there is nothing you can do. When it comes right down to it, if all she does is make you miserable, then you may just be better off without her.

Good luck to you either way. And, honestly, good luck to her as well. It sounds like she is going through a lot of crap that nobody deserves to have to go through. I hope she can find her way out of all that and finally be happy, whether that winds up being with you or winds up having to be without you.

[pcmaster]

LOL Jester [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] I knew you will start talk about your ex here.

And OP you are going crazy cause you already do a lot for a girl and with any other girl it would be overklill but crazy girls want you to do a lot and its emotionaly draining. Better start looking what can she do for you. Shes selfish egoist that too busy with her own problems to be able to care for others. No sex in the world compensates these problems.

[TheEvilJester]

LOL Jester [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] I knew you will start talk about your ex here.

And I fail to understand why I need to explain this to you AGAIN, but that is because I felt that my personal experience seemed very relevant to the story this gentleman told of his own experience. My past is part of what shaped me into who and what I am today. I'm not going to cower away from it like it is some kind of weapon to be used against me and cause me pain. On the contrary, in fact. I wear it like a badge of honor and am proud of myself for surviving that and only coming out stronger.

In my view, when a situation somebody describes sounds a lot like one I've experienced myself, that probably makes my advice/thoughts to them seem all that much more valid because they know it comes from somebody who has experienced it. If I disappeared from this site and never came back again, I'd virtually never think about/talk about/mention my ex at all. This is a LOVE ADVICE message board. You don't think one's past love experience might come up from time to time?

[pcmaster]

I understand you Jester. But you need to get in relationships with more girls cause your ex is all you talking about.
LOL I now will have 2 exes. First one crazy with small boobs. Second one sane but sexually crazy with giant jugs. So yeah experience is building up.
Yaay !

[TheEvilJester]

Actually, you do make a good point. With some further experience, perhaps I'd have even more real life examples to help guide my advice. I've only ever mentioned my ex because, quite frankly, that was the only relationship I've ever had. So, it's the only source for me to draw from for my own actual experience. As strange as it may seem, I've always seemed to have a pretty decent grasp on love and reality as a tandem..... I've just never been able to apply it to MYSELF. It's why I feel like I often have good advice to offer here (I don't mean to sound cocky, but I only say that because others seem to have felt I have good advice as well) and yet somehow I just cannot apply it to myself.

I'm a conundrum. LOL! An enigma. I'll be the first to admit that. I don't know whether to consider it sad or funny, but these days I actually finally feel like I COULD finally force myself to be outgoing enough to try talking to/asking out women (unlike ever before when I was just too shy).... but what I lack now is the desire.

Anyway, like I said, I don't shy away from my past when I think my experience could help somebody facing similar issues. It just so happens that my ex that often comes up here is my only real experience, so that's why my past with that ex comes up so often.

[dontaskme]

I understand you Jester. But you need to get in relationships with more girls cause your ex is all you talking about.
LOL I now will have 2 exes. First one crazy with small boobs. Second one sane but sexually crazy with giant jugs. So yeah experience is building up.
Yaay !

You don't have enough experience. All your relationship is online so they don't count plus you give crappy advice. I assume you're still a virgin, eh?

[pcmaster]

You don't have enough experience. All your relationship is online so they don't count plus you give crappy advice. I assume you're still a virgin, eh?

Ha ha, how sweet. You think my experience is online.
I have met a real girl lately and been to her house few times. Last time was crazy and close but I still managed to save my virginity despite cock hungry, sexually crazy girl. Yeah Im a virgin and proud with it. Still have to meet a girl with who sex would be worth it. I mean girl who would deserve my D and emotional attachment to her.

This is my topic about girl I been dating and feel free to add your words of wisdom and advice.Post 55 if you want to keep reading short

http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/98744-longing-loved-4.html#post1033174

[TheEvilJester]

Nothing wrong with still being a virgin. I think it is refreshing to hear about somebody in this day and age who would rather wait to lose his virginity with the right person rather than to just "get it on" with any and every woman who will let him. Hell, based on who I lost it to, I sometimes wish I still was one myself.

Though, I wouldn't exactly suggest wording it like which woman would deserve your "D." LOL! Believe me, our male anatomy is no glorious gift. We men should just consider ourselves lucky when a woman actually finds us attractive enough to let us do those things. LOL!

[pcmaster]

Jester, dicks are beautiful. Like Michelle23 said - vaginas are not beautiful but so are the balls.
I actually did find her V beautiful and kissed it multiple times. But Im sure my D is more beautiful than her V. She wanted to kiss it but I already didnt let her cause knew she wants to suck it. She tried to open my belt but its was so thigh and actually tricky to open so she couldnt lol. My virginity belt saved my D lol. I didnt wanted to cum and I didnt.