I'm shocked that I'm engaged now :(

[wDEgYwwrr]

So my bf of nearly 1 year briefly stopped by the country this week (we live in different countries and he was heading off to another place for a church thing) and well I've been hinting lately that we should somewhat move and be together because I wanna be with him and I'm kinda lonely all the time lately. And well I've been hinting that maybe we can take the next step in our relationship. So as a joke I was like lets get married, because I do want to get married even though I'm still quite young (24), and I thought he'd be like "we haven't been together for that long" but he didn't say that. He said he would love for that to happen and kissed my forehead and the short story of it all is I'm now engaged. This was my plan all along but a part of me is wondering if I want to get married for the right reason. I think I've always kinda fantasized about meeting the one early on in life and having them beside me as I journey through life as I try to reach my goals and stuff and I will have support. Growing up i only had a mother for the most part and we are not close and I'm an only child and I've fantasized about just finding someone to be with. Also I want someone to understand me and my bf (now fiance?) Tbh doesn't really but atleast he tries to. I guess I thought I could make myself love him but I don't think i do I'm just scared I won't ever be able to find someone I trust more than I trust him and I have encountered some awful guys out in the world. I don't know what to do and I don't know whether I really want to marry him or whether it's because of other factors. I don't want to mess this up because any hesitation from my part can really hurt him . Any words of advice would be much appreciated thanks - jiraawwrr

[lovebroken]

Try to have a long engagement then and see if your love for him grows or diminishes more. You loved him enough to want to marry him and I assume accepted his ring? Do you see each other a lot since he travels, could that be the problem? Congratulations on getting engaged though.

[TheEvilJester]

If you weren't really ready to get engaged/married, then I would say it probably wasn't the best idea to bring it up even as a joke. I know that advice comes a little too late, though. If anything, once he seemed open to the idea, you should have clarified. Maybe something like: "Oh! That's great. I do really want that too. I don't think we necessarily need to worry about that right now, I think that should come with time, but I'm glad to hear we are at least on the same page." That could have been an excuse to have a more serious discussion about when you both see making that move.

As it is, though, he proposed, so that advice comes a little too late. For now, I think I'd agree with lovebroken's advice. Just enjoy being engaged for a while and don't rush to set a date just yet. Right now, you are just engaged. So, even though it would still suck to have to break it off after that, it is still easy enough to do so. Don't get married until you are sure. In this day and age, too many marriages end in divorce.... and often times that even comes when the two people WERE sure. So, don't rush into marriage if you aren't ready. You can be engaged a while and use that time to decide if you truly want to be with him. Much easier to break it off while engaged than it would be to have to go through a divorce if you do get married only to then decide he isn't right for you.

Good luck!

[wDEgYwwrr]

Thankyou both for the replies. We will be seeing each other again this weekend and will discuss our future together. I hope we don't rush into it and end up at the registratry office (I'm joking T.T).

[TheEvilJester]

Well, if you wind up in Vegas married by Elvis this weekend, at least send us pics. LOL!