So I messed up and I'm willing to own it but...

[tardishat]

I was at a work party, and I'll say right off the bat I was a little salty because my BF ditched last minute so I went alone. My BF and I have been together for 3 years. I will also say right now I am underage, and that my BF is super anti-underage drinking. Also, this is going to be a hella long post.

Okay, moving on. Work party. It was on a Saturday and it was at a bar, and I drank a little and then the bar kicked out anyone under 21. So all of us went back to one coworker's house. We drank a lot. I was beyond drunk. At some point, we all ended up sitting around watching Netflix and I ended up on the couch next to a coworker. I fell asleep on him. I don't know how much later but eventually he woke me up by kissing me. I can honestly say that I was still mostly asleep but I kissed him back because that's just natural reaction right? Anyway, I kept trying to fall back asleep and he kept kissing me. When I was sober enough I left (around 6am).

So flash forward to the next night, Sunday night. I get home from work and I resolved to tell my BF what happened. After all, honesty is the best policy. So I went over to his place. He already knows at this point that I drank. The conversation we had was short.
Him: Anything else I should know that happened last night?
Me: Yes.
H: What happened?
M: [coworker] may have kissed me.
H: *many swear words and lots of crying*
H: Anything else?
M: I may have kissed him back.
H: *more swearing and crying*
H: I'm too emotional to make a decision right now but you definitely should go.

So I left. Next night, Monday night. He meets me outside my class. Walks me back to my place. Breaks up with me on the way. I hardly say anything except, "Is this it forever then?" He says he hates saying never so maybe, maybe not.

We haven't really talked since.

Now, I obviously feel terrible and really shitty about what happened. I want to work things out. I don't think this is worth throwing a 3-year relationship away over. He on the other hands wants nothing to do with me right now. I am afraid that if I give him too much time, he won't want to work it out at all, but I don't want to rush him either. I am just feeling lost and confused right now. What should I do?

p.s.- I don't even think he knows the full story which is super frustrating but he said he didn't want to know so idk? tell him or no?

[cultureclash]

phew. I think he would not appreciate to hear the entire story as the drinking and staying until the next morning does not make it better at all. I'd be seriously pissed (I am a girl). but if you want to have that relationship, I would assume you want an honest one. So if he is open to it, meet him at a neutral place (not at home or so) but where you can talk and explain to him and also explain how you feel. and then everybody goes home and gets some time to think. how does that sound?

[TheEvilJester]

Right now, all you can really do is to give him time. You may not think your offense was egregious enough to throw away a lengthy relationship, but maybe it is to him. Given the mistake you made, I think you'd have to understand how somebody could feel that way even if maybe you don't think it is as big a deal as it seems to him.

I will say this, though, at least you can admit you messed up. You would be surprised how many people will never admit when they've done anything wrong. That tells me that you do truly feel bad... and if nothing else, that is a good first step. Give him time and hopefully he'll at least talk to you about it again and maybe you two could even patch things up.

....BUT you are right. Don't give him too much time either. If he never comes back to at least give you the chance to talk about it, then after a reasonable amount of time, you reach out to him and ask. Just something like "I wanted to give you some time before, but now I think it may be a good time to talk. I am really sorry for what happened, but I don't want to lose us over it. I'll understand if you can't look past it, but if you are willing, I at least want a chance to talk it out with you."

In the end, if he can't get past it, then you'd both be better off to just move on. You made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you deserve to forever be punished for it. At least not if you learn from it. So, if he cannot look past that, then it is best that you move on and accept that as a lesson learned the hard way and make sure that isn't a mistake you repeat again in the future. It would be a shame if your relationship had to end over that, but if that hurt him enough to make him feel he could not continue the relationship, then it was important enough to him.

Good luck to you. I hope it works out. Or, if not, then I hope you find somebody else and find your way to happiness.