I am a 33 year old straight woman and I have feelings for my best friend who is gay. He is 45. We're been friends for almost 9 years and I knew he was gay and he was in a relationship with another man when I met him. However, I started to have feelings for him months after I met him. During the 9 years of friendship he broke up with his boyfriend. He only dated two men after the breakup. Both relationships lasted only months . He hasn't been in a serious relationship during the last 5 years and that's when our friendship and my feelings for him became stronger. We've been spending a lot of time together. We both sing in the same choir, we always go out to restaurants, movies, etc . We made several road trips together, sharing rooms and even beds. Sex is off the table and I'm OK with that. He doesn't know that I have feelings for him. As typical best friends, we have hold hands, hugged and kiss each other in the cheeks. I have seen him several times in his underwear and he looks hot in his underwear, but I always respected his boundaries. I don't expect for us to go beyond "bff" status. I just want to be with him, see him, and spend time with him. He makes me happy. I get really depressed when I spend long periods of time without seeing him. My biggest fear is that he decides cut me out of his life. I would be devastated if it ever happens. I want him in my life. I love him a lot. Thoughts???