Unrequited Love: Straight-Gay

[honeydr1983]

I am a 33 year old straight woman and I have feelings for my best friend who is gay. He is 45. We're been friends for almost 9 years and I knew he was gay and he was in a relationship with another man when I met him. However, I started to have feelings for him months after I met him. During the 9 years of friendship he broke up with his boyfriend. He only dated two men after the breakup. Both relationships lasted only months . He hasn't been in a serious relationship during the last 5 years and that's when our friendship and my feelings for him became stronger. We've been spending a lot of time together. We both sing in the same choir, we always go out to restaurants, movies, etc . We made several road trips together, sharing rooms and even beds. Sex is off the table and I'm OK with that. He doesn't know that I have feelings for him. As typical best friends, we have hold hands, hugged and kiss each other in the cheeks. I have seen him several times in his underwear and he looks hot in his underwear, but I always respected his boundaries. I don't expect for us to go beyond "bff" status. I just want to be with him, see him, and spend time with him. He makes me happy. I get really depressed when I spend long periods of time without seeing him. My biggest fear is that he decides cut me out of his life. I would be devastated if it ever happens. I want him in my life. I love him a lot. Thoughts???

[honeydr1983]

My feelings for him are emotional. I'm not interested in a sexual relationship. I know it will never happen.

[Markdg61]

Hi honey, lol.. It sounds like you have a wonderful friendship and have had for so many years. If he has any kind of heart, I'm sure he will never cut ties with you. Sometimes there are life changes that may take him away such having to relocate for a job. He may find another partner and want to spend time with him but I'm sure no matter what, I don't think you will truly ever lose him as your bff.

[TheEvilJester]

If you truly ARE okay with just being his best friend, then that is perfectly fine. If you sincerely CAN remain his best friend without it hindering your possibility to meet somebody and fall in love, then no big deal. However, IF your feelings for him are so deep that, whether or not you even realize it, it will cause you not to look for love elsewhere.... Well, then as hard as it may be, it might be better for your own good to distance yourself a little bit.

Now, I could be wrong, but based on the fact that you say you understand and are okay with a sexual relationship not being possible for you two.... I lean a little towards thinking maybe you actually ARE fine with your arrangement. So, assuming that you are....

Then I think you will be okay. First off, if he is really as good a friend as you say, then he would never just up and leave you. Hell, even if fate forced one of you to move away, you'd still stay friends. REAL friends don't just abandon each other. Even if life gets in the way and you don't see/talk to each other as much as you may like, REAL friends are always there for each other.

Secondly, if you really are okay with just being his friend..... then in time you will meet a guy who actually IS available to you. That won't make your friendship with your gay friend any less special, but you'll have that AND also have somebody you love.

So, I definitely understand how you feel. I understand your worry. But, as long as you sincerely are open to finding love elsewhere, I think you will be fine. Being as he is gay, it is certainly highly unlikely he'd ever like you as more than a friend..... but that has NOTHING to do with you. It's simply that he likes men, so don't take that as a judgment against you.

Good luck!