LD boyfriend doesn't reply to my texts yet he is active on his social

[luxetumbra1234]

Hello dears,
I'm new to this forum and I skipped the presentation part cause I'm currently too sad to think about a nice presentation, so here I am, writing about my shitty love-life
English is not my mother tongue, so I beg your pardon for every mistake I'll make.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship (we are both 23) in which he lives in another country many miles away from me (south america, while I live in Europe)
We've been knowing since June and we were planning to meet this year as he wanted to move where I am. Even if i knew him since so little time, he managed to enter in my heart so quickly and so deeply that now i feel so lost without him
To summarize an important information about this story, you have to know that he didn't have a nice relationship with his boss at work, since he claimed he always felt humiliated by him since his productivity (he was a seller) was getting worse compared to when he was hired.
This was very painful for him, yet I always managed to help him to feel better, because our relationship made us so close (even if we were physically so distant) that every bad happening seemed less painful when we were able to talk and Skype. He has always been nice and present for me, he always talked about me to his friends and even made a t-shirt with my bday number to use during his sport matches with friends. He used to tell me I was what kept him together and all the nice things a girl would love to listen. I can't say I was\am in love with him, but I'm sure there was a deep feeling.

Last Monday he wished me goodnight after a poor daily chat (this period he used to chat me less due to his work that made him busier than this summer) telling me "today it wasn't a good day".
The next day I saw he wasn't chatting (due to our time-zones I always wait him first to greet me since I wait for him to wake up) and after many hours I started the conversation asking if something happened or if he was angry at me or stuff. He replied an hour later like "It's not your fault, it's just I might lose my job", so I though he probably argued with his boss and I understood that he wasn't in the mood of talking. I ensured him about that and told him that if he needed to vent I was there for him, he thanked me and dropped the conversation.
I felt it was useless to say anything unnecessary, so I didn't chat anymore and kept respected his silence even the day after (Wednesday).
On Thursday something happened.
I was on Instagram (still not talking to him as he didn't say anything more since Tuesday... and you have no idea how painful is when you can't talk to a person you are used to chat with everyday !) and saw he posted two pics with his cat in which he seemed very happy. I thought that everything was fine then, and that maybe he still had the job and that all his worries were ended, that's why I was telling myself "ok, if he posted stuff on IG, then he's going to vhat me now as everything seems fine ". Wrong. He didn't write me at all.
I'm a very insecure person, and I need attention (I need to admit it -.-'), so I wrote him a loooooong text asking him if everything was fine and if he still cared about me and about us. Like, if he found time to post on his socials, he could have found some time to write me even a stupid quick text. It would have meant a lot to me. He seemed so relaxed and chilled in those pics, I was 100% sure he was about to write me, as he always used to put me in first place.
I sent him this text on thursday night, ending it like "I'd rather prefer to wake up tomorrow and read a dumping text from you, than keep waiting you to break this silence", because, believe me, all this waiting was\is killing my mind.
The next day (Friday) I woke up and saw he didn't even read and opened my text (I wrote it on KIK) yet he uploaded a tweet on Twitter writing something like "I wasn't expecting that lol". Very weird.
So, since my paranoids were getting deeper and deeper, I texted him on IG asking why was he ignoring me and repeating the question about if he really cared about our relationship or if those days without talking spoke much more to his soul than all those months together.
As you can expect, I still didn't go a reply. As well as Saturday and this Sunday (yet he still wrote random stuff on Twitter... and he doesn't know i know cause I don't have one, i just managed to get to his account without he knowing it )
The worst thing is that this week there's going to be my birthday and that makes everything more depressed than how already is
What do you think guys ? Is he trying to make me realize (in a very coward way) that he's no more into me ? And how is it possible than a person that not even a week ago was the sweetest on Earth, suddently is so coward to not even reply, yet to appear so chilled and active on his socials ? What should I do ? Should I wait till my birthday and then delete his account ? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt (like "he may seem chilled but he just want to be alone for a while due to his pain") ?
I don't know anymore, i'm just shocked by this quick change cause I never thought someone could hide and get over his feelings so quickly to not even dare to answer a text.
Help me please, this silence is killing me
Thank you

[IamEcho]

Hey there, I can somehow relate to your situation. I am in an LDR relationship as well with someone. He's from the US and I am from Asia. Time is not a problem with us before, and I can tell you, we are so happy at the beginning of the relationship, until one day I got scared and I pushed him away, reasons? Well, the guy before him broke me too much that it made me have trust issues and having an online relationship and an LDR is sketchy and you don't know if that person is nice in person. But then, I thought about it and realized that he's not a bad person and he was really a good person, he treated me nice and I felt his sincerity.

I talked to him again and asked for forgiveness and since then I promised myself I will do everything to make it up to him and correct all my mistakes. But everything started to change. I'll try to summarize it the best that i could, he wasn't sweet anymore, he's more on his xbox and friends than me (which I don't mind if he does that but it's too much already if you know what I mean.) He made me feel invisible. He doesn't say i love you to me anymore, he'll only say it when I say "I love you" because he'll respond with "love u 2" and he made and come up with so many reasons to break up with me... He never made me feel special and important, and he never made me feel that he's afraid to lose me...

We're both 19, i'm in college, he finished HS and couldn't get a job... and to make the long story short, he's now going to Mexico to work there. The father of his Ex-gf contacted him and gave him a job in Mexico.. Meaning, he'll get to stay at their place... It breaks my heart but who am I to stop him? He's going away, and he's going to stay at his Ex's house...

I already have my US visa and luckily they granted me a multiple visa with 10 years validity.. I am ready to meet him.. I am just getting things done and saving up money so I could see him... but it seems like things are falling apart.... who am I kidding? I am just an Asian Girl.. He's a white guy, who fell in love with a Mexican girl which we can say a Latina... They were together for 3 years, we were only together for 4 or 5 months.. am I just making a fool out of myself?....I love him so much but I don't know what to do anymore... I am trying to stay away from him now but I can't afford to lose him and see him with another girl... do you know what I mean? Do you get the feeling?

[pcmaster]

Girls this is crazy. Get a life. Chat with local guys instead. LDRs are more like fantazy not real relationship. Do CDR instead - close distance relationship.

[melancholia]

OP, it sounds like your LDR BF has lost interest. When a guy is interested in you (long distance or not), they will make an effort to show you. You are right that if he has time to post on social media, he has time to send you a quick text; but he didn't. Whether he was going through a hard time, or he just didn't want to bother texting you is irrelevant, in my mind. If you have to shake the head of the person you're with to make them see what you have together is worth it, then it will never be worth it to them. At least not in the way it should be. I think you should call it quits with this guy. It just sounds like way too much effort to keep up a good connection with someone who is so far away, and who isn't giving back the same amount of effort as you. You can find a different person who willingly shows you they care so you're not left questioning their feelings if they don't text you for a day or two. Good relationships are built on the foundation of a positive, close connection, and it doesn't sound like that is what you have here. You CAN have it, but probably not with this particular guy.

[TheEvilJester]

To the OP, I will say that about the only thing I would say you maybe could have done better based just on what you shared is that you probably shouldn't have so quickly jumped to all the "are you mad at me" kind of talk so quickly. I mean, you guys didn't talk for a day or two and that was your immediate reaction. Don't get me wrong. I DEFINITELY understand. I'd feel the same way as you did. I'm just saying, you shouldn't have necessarily acted on that right away, even if that was what you were thinking. Better to just assume you are worried over nothing and just reach out to him with a more casual message like "Hey, are you okay? Haven't heard from you in a couple days and was worried because you didn't seem to be having such a great day when we last talked."

From there, just let him respond (or not) and take it from there. Otherwise, you run the risk that of looking paranoid and overly clingy when the truth is that you really are NOT. You have every right to be concerned when you usually talk every day and you suddenly don't hear from him for a few days.

... BUT....

One thing that is for sure, even if you maybe could have handled it a little better initially, that doesn't make his treatment of you since okay AT ALL. I definitely agree with you that if he can take a few moments to post on Instagram and stuff like that, he can take even just a minute to text you. Even if he's not in a mood to chat, he can at least just say "Hey. Love ya! I'm not really in a mood to talk much today, but just wanted you to know I'm still thinking of you."

Something like that. Now, to both the OP AND Echo, my advice would very much be the same. I would agree with melancholia that it is time just to move on. You both deserve somebody who will treat you as their top priority. Not their ONLY priority. Having interests outside of your relationship is both okay AND actually healthy.... but you should still be their top priority. You shouldn't have to basically FORCE somebody to give you attention. The moment you HAVE to is the moment they no longer deserve YOUR attention.

Are these guys trying to let you ladies down easily? Maybe.... but that is the stupidest, most immature way to let somebody down. Cripes, it'd be better if they flipped out and chewed you out in a way no human being has ever been chewed out before. It would suck, but at least then you know. Instead, the leave you in limbo driving yourself crazy over not knowing where the Hell you stand. Why? Either because they think it will hurt you less (stupid and immature) or because they just don't care (they are a-holes).

Honestly, the WHY doesn't really matter. They've proven they don't deserve you. You both deserve somebody who will treat you well. If that isn't these fellas, then that is THEIR loss. Hell, be thankful at least they proved the a-holes they are sooner rather than later.

To Echo specifically,

Sure, maybe you made a mistake in doubting him before and ending it. (For that matter, maybe it wasn't a mistake in the first place. Long distance relationships can be very hard). BUT, even if you did, you learned from it and have tried to correct it. Now, if he had been unwilling to give you a second chance, I could understand and respect that. HOWEVER, the moment he chose to give you another chance was the moment he needed to look past that and give you the opportunity to prove you'd learned from that mistake. He's not REALLY giving you another chance and it's not fair to act like he wants to, but then to just leave you out in the cold, so to speak.

Good luck to you both. I think you both deserve better, but if you choose to try to fight for these relationships, then I just hope it works out for the best in whatever you decide.

[Lovelife2017]

He has definitely lost interest. I had very similar experiences, one w/a guy I used to date and my current long distance bf. The guy I used to date wanted a long distance after he left to go home to another state. Everything was pretty normal the 1st week and then the 2nd week, communication became really bad and at that time he wasn't even busy, plus no time difference. He wasn't active on social media, but still I knew he had time to text me. I talked to him about and he assured me everything was fine and that he would do better. The next day rolls around, same freaking thing. I pressured him for answers and pretty much he did not want a relationship. I didn't from him for 3 months.

I met my current bf online and we are doing long distance. We have met in person. From the start communication on his end was terrible, he could not text me for a whole day, but he would post on social media. I got sick of the lack of communication and told him how I felt. After some discussion we came to a solution and now our communication is pretty consistent. My bf listened to me and that shows that he is interested. Having someone treat you the way your bf is treating you is frustrating and extremely hurtful. Cut ties sooner rather then later, don't let him drag you around that way.

[TheEvilJester]

A good addition to the conversation from lovelife. Thanks! That just goes to show you that you CAN make long distance work, but it takes hard work and communication. It can be very hard, and I can't blame anybody who isn't able to make it work. However, it CAN'T work if the two don't communicate. Lovelife learned that the hard way once and wasn't about to let it happen again. Good for you, lovelife, for sticking to your guns on that. In this case, it worked out well for you and he's actually made an effort to improve. That is where, sometimes, a situation like this CAN work.

...Even so, sometimes even with the best of efforts, long distance relationships can be too hard. So, it certainly isn't worth it when your partner can't be bothered to put in any effort. You are better off finding somebody geographically close to you.... but at least if not, you are better off with somebody who will at least make an effort to show you that you are a top priority for them. Don't settle for somebody who makes you feel unloved when they are supposed to be the person making you feel the most loved.

[Lovelife2017]

As much as it hurts to let go, I can tell you, you will feel relief once you get everything out into the open. Even if he ends it, at least you will know the truth and it won't be your feelings in limbo. No one deserves to be treated that way in relationship especially since you have never even met. If a person acts like that, your relationship will always be a rollercoaster. Although my bf is making effort, LD is still very hard and if he was doing what your bf is doing, I would def not want to stay in that situation. Yes you can fall in love w/someone online, I did since my bf and I met only after a couple months.

Once a person in a relationship talks why they should break up constantly or showing you the door, that means they no longer want the relationship. Both my ex and the guy I dated briefly did that and it did not end well. Think if you want to be put through that kind of torture. Its a big sacrifice for you to save money for the ticket and once you do go there he will prob use you for one thing, then same thing when you come back home.