Why is she like this and what can I do about it

**richiro** · 19-01-17, 04:09 AM

good. that is the key. to always have more input to help each other out and put info out there so we can ALL use it going forward whether we're in the situation now or not.

**meloveu** · 19-01-17, 05:20 AM

Dido to that!

**Paul.com** · 19-01-17, 05:33 AM

I know exactly what I'm dealing with,she wants to have her cake and eat it. Only today my mate at work came to me in confidence to say she had asked him I'd he thought I would bring her a coffee back while on my dinner (I know mountain out of a mole hill) clearly she knew that this was wrong which is why she asked him what he thought instead of just out right asking me. She seems to feed on negativity.

**TheEvilJester** · 20-01-17, 12:04 AM

She feeds on negativity, she feeds on the attention she gets from it, she feeds on drama.... Let her feed on somebody else. You're not her emotional sustenance anymore.

**Paul.com** · 22-01-17, 08:42 PM

Your right , so far every time she starts someone steps in to stop her or sort her out usually a one of my mates but I can see a day coming when it will be just me and her and she will get told polity and calmly that I've moved on and want nothing to do with her.

**richiro** · 24-01-17, 04:35 AM

yep.. move on. drama queen.
we don't like or want drama queens ...

be strong friend.. be strong. you'l find much better i promise.

**Paul.com** · 24-01-17, 06:29 AM

Cheers everyone for the guidance and yes I'm sure that I'll find better... Can't find worse.

**Zozolax** · 24-01-17, 12:27 PM

She sees that you're available so she takes advantage of that, she's probably with the other guy for benefit of her own but once that stop she know she got you but the cycle will be the same and all you'll do is end up hurt.

**Paul.com** · 27-01-17, 01:01 AM

Don't know what gives her that impression I mean I've asked her to delete all my contact details I've blocked her on socal media and only speak to her at work when I have to re work. Also her bf is a soldier and has been away for 6 months

- - - Updated - - -

But what I mean is given what I've said dose that sound like a guy who wants you or to go after

**TheEvilJester** · 27-01-17, 01:33 AM

Of course not. To a normal, sane, mature human being it is obvious that you've taken all those actions because you want nothing to do with her. The thing is, you're obviously not dealing with a normal, sane, mature human being.

You are dealing with a child masquerading as an adult. So, all those things just make her more so want to pull you back in.... just to toss you aside again once you care. So don't let her. She's not worth it.

**richiro** · 27-01-17, 02:08 AM

Okay.. lesson time.

Paul. Yes you gave her reason to believe she could use you because YOU ALLOWED HER TO USE YOU for a while. And because you did, she knew you were capable of being used.
Once you've showsn that you are capable, they will keep pressing buttons until you stop and stop for good. But they don't stop right away.
As long as you've shown you are capable of being used once, they wll always prod now and then just to see if you will go back to being used. Every time you do it RESETS the memory clock to "yes he's usable" until you stop again. So this is why it's vitally IMPORTANT eearly on to set appropriate boundaries from the get go - send the correct messages so people won't use you. In other words you need to let others know early you will not be used and "train" them in a way.

This is an ezample of owning up to our own actions and taking responsibility and taking control over what happens to us - and how MOST people "trick" themselves into believing they "did nothing wrong" and "are a victim". For the most part none of us are vicgtims - we always play a part into what happens to us and only those that OWN that and admit that move on and be successful and can take back control of their life and what happens to them.

This will be THE MOST IMPORTANT lesson you ever learn - if you ever learn it. (more than 85% of the people never learn this and thus flounder and whine and complain that things never work out for them).

**Paul.com** · 28-01-17, 12:37 AM

Basically your saying I need to stick to my guns come what may, yes I started this now I've got to finish it.

**richiro** · 28-01-17, 03:09 AM

well.. not really "stick to your guns" b/c that assuems you are always right - when maybe we aren't. I certainliy have learned how i have been wrong before.
but to what you're saying, we're not ALWAYS wrong. nobody is always right or always wrong.

what im saying is... always be true to yourself. Meaning.. never betray yourself by "letting this go" or "letting that go" if its truly something yo don't gree with or can be happy with ultimately. Stay true to yourself. always.
and that includes setting boundaries you know u need to set from the get go (where as most people tend to be more forgiving and soft int he begining to "try to not appear rude").

Those are all mistakes all of us make in dating. Putting on too good of a face/show to be accepted and to win the other person over. F that. Its about comaptibilty and our own happiness too... not winning people over and making people desire you.

So be true to yourself always and set boundaries from the getgo that are necessary to set (as they come meaning.. obviously you don't want to say, "okay.. here are my 10 boundaires" as soon as you meet them).

**Paul.com** · 31-01-17, 01:16 AM

Well I set my boundaries December 2015 and yes the prodding is consistent with what you say

**Paul.com** · 22-02-17, 06:44 AM

As if I didn't have enough problems to deal with regarding this girl now I've got bloody do-gooders trying to build bridges older I've no intention of resurrecting

Thread: Why is she like this and what can I do about it

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