I have been dating a boy since august. We decided to formalize the relationship not so long ago, I think one or two months ago. But I realized that I'm not in love with him, and I really want to break up with him. But I feel bad, because he is loving and wonderful. And I know he loves me very much, not in a friends kind of way. My discomfort feelings started when a friend of mine said that he wanted to go on a date with me. I noticed that I really wanted to go on this date and that I wouldn't mind if my current boyfriend went on a date with somebody else. I found myself dreaming of him cheating on me. When I analyzed this, I think that it was because I wanted to take the responsability off of my shoulders. Anyways, I'm going to break up with him tomorrow. I don't know who to do it though, I've always been on the other end of the line, so to say. I don't know how to politely say that I'm not in love and that currently I don't want to have a boyfriend. I'm bad with feelings, I'm usually pretty cold around people. I mean, it's going to hurt him anyways, he can't read the signs I've been giving him, but any advise on that?
I also realized that not only did I want to date my friend, I also wanted to date other people although I'm positive that I won't have that many chances to. This also brings me to the thought: I might regret the breakup. And that would be devastating and extremely unfair for my now-boyfriend. I don't want to regret my decision and then be alone. But, on the other hand, I also don't want to be with someone just because I want to be in a relationship. I want to be with someone because I am in love with that someone. I have only once been in love, and I'm not even sure if you could call it love. The thing was, this boy just loved to flirt and I was lovestruck and felt like a fool. (Btw, the friend who asked me on a date is this boy who now grew up a little bit and we cleared things out: we just want to have fun. Of course I'm also afraid that I will fall for him again.)
On the other hand I like another boy who is my friend but we kinda have a verbally aggressive relationship. I I'm confused because I consider myself a feminist but I can't help liking him, which makes me upset. It isn't extremely aggressive, but our conversations can turn rude at any point. It's umpredictable. I think he doesn't know that I fancy him. We don't go to places together, we just met in school but now I'm at university and he's in his last year of high school. Anyways, again: any advise on asking people out informally?
I know it sounds weird that I'm just getting out of a relationship and want to date people, but it's what it is and I feel like that's what I want to do at the moment. (Another thing to take into consideration: my now-boyfriend doesn't know either of my friends so he wouldn't be affected if I started dating any of them, because he wouldn't find out.)
Thank you in advance for the advise and sorry for the long post ♥ (I hope it wasn't so badly written)