Why did he dump me so cruelly?

[Louise27x]

Met someone in September and we got on well,instantly clicked.
Became a couple,spent time together,he rang/text me daily and made me feel so special.
Told me he never felt this way so soon,and I was a keeper.
Anyway fast forward a week before Christmas he became distant over 3 days,not texting/calling then he stopped speaking altogether.
I text him and got no reply and didn't answer his phone.
No merry Christmas or happy new year(I said happy new year and nothing)
I text him the beginning of the year asking what happened..he said he had a lot going on and it wasn't me (lies)
This morning I checked his Facebook and he has posted he is in a relationship with a woman.
So basically that's why he disappeared because he got with her but rather than tell me he did that.
I'm devastated

[melancholia]

Don't waste any more of your time and energy on this person. Be thankful it didn't last longer than it did and that you know the truth now. Focus your energy on good things in your life, move on, and you will find a different guy in the future. Until then, consider this guy a loss and don't waste any more energy on thinking about him.

[richiro]

sorry to hear this happens. this is the way of the world these days unfortunately.
take this opportunity to go back and replay it so you can learn the signs and indicators that will tell you if it's happening again in the future so you can get out before its too late.
also, even more importantly - replay all the ways he acted and did and treated you so you can learn the signs of somebody that is capable of being this way. they may not be obvious but just store the in the memory bank and see if they jive with any future issues like this if it happens again with another guy...

the commonalities we learn over time with behavior and results should help us read people better eah time to help us choose better, avoid better, and realize better when we have a quality vs a bad person on our hands and cut bait sooner.

[TheEvilJester]

Why did he dump you so cruelly? Because he is a heartless piece of crap. I mean, that is honestly the only possible excuse for treating somebody like that. A decent human being wouldn't just decide to disappear on you. I mean, it is bad enough that he told you all these nice things when they were obviously such a lie. It's bad enough he just hooks up with some other girl while he was with you. At least if he'd been a man about it and let you go he could have maintained some level of humanity. As it is, he's no more human than the scum you scrape off the bottom of your boots after wearing them for a year. So, forget him and move on. You deserve better. You deserve somebody who will say all those loving and wonderful things to you..... but actually mean it.

[pcmaster]

Well I been guilty of this too - making girl that I dont actually like to feel great and then in fact having other girl in my heart.
I was thinking only girls doing this - finding another partner before ending relationship. But wow, guys do that too. It kinda sucks that relationships ends but your ex isnt looking for a new partner cause that person are already found and established contact while in relationship with you.

But hey things might not be as they looks like. He might as well had found out that he have a cancer and to not to make you suffer because of it he ended things and faked his relationship status on FB so it would be easier for you to move on.

[Louise27x]

There were no signs up until 2 days before when he just stopped texting.
I knew because he would communicate all the time but he just went silent.
I just don't understand why he couldn't just end it without disappearing like I was a nothing.
I didn't have a clue what I did wrong.
Then tell me he had a lot on and make up an excuse when reality was he had a new GF.
I didn't see it coming.

[melancholia]

If you stop thinking it's about something you did and start thinking he was just a jerk who isn't worth your time anymore, you will move on much easier and quicker.

[Louise27x]

We lived a hour away from each other.
I don't drive so it was him driving to see me,he doesn't have a car so had to borrow friends car.
Could the distance been a problem?
If I lived closer might it of worked?

[melancholia]

Maybe he already had a girlfriend, or they broke up and then got back together and he ghosted on you. Or maybe he just ghosted on you because that's what people do sometimes. It's not right, but it does happen. It's better if you stop fixating on this and start to move on. Drop him from your thoughts and start focusing on happier things in your life. You are wasting your time by continuing to ruminate over this when it's completely out of your control.

[Louise27x]

I just keep hoping he might one day come back.
If he liked me once he could again

[melancholia]

Here's the thing... he didn't actually like you that much. I'm sure he thought you were nice and fun to be around, but people don't ghost on people they actually like or see themselves with long term. Chances are he won't come back into your life, and if he ever does, it will likely be for a booty call. Trust me when I say that when a guy is into you, he will make sure you know it, especially within the first year. Again: people do not ghost on people they want to be with, they just don't. You're dreaming of the IDEA of being with him because you really want to be with someone, and being with anyone is better than being with nobody.... but that's also false. It's much better not to be with anyone than it is to be with someone who doesn't respect, love, or appreciate you and the guy you were dating clearly didn't feel those things for you. Call it a loss and start taking steps to move on. You will thank yourself for it later.

[Louise27x]

In my head I do realise that if he truly liked me like he said he couldn't of ghosted me so easily -he couldn't of walked away like that.
I keep going over one night 3-4 weeks into dating and he ran back to me as the train pulled in to kiss me,with the biggest smile on his face.
Then within 2 minutes on the train text me to say he hoped this was going somewhere and he was happy and never normally cared so soon.
I didn't change,im still the same girl,how can you be like that then 10-11 weeks later treat me so poor.
I didn't imagine him being into me,I know for a fact he was...what I don't know Is what changed.
I know il never know

[melancholia]

Nope, you'll never know. So it's best to start moving on and stop dwelling on a 4 month relationship that ended with him ghosting on you.

[TheEvilJester]

If you stop thinking it's about something you did and start thinking he was just a jerk who isn't worth your time anymore, you will move on much easier and quicker.

Exactly this. YOU did not do anything.... or even NOT do something you should have done. HE is the one who is a jerk. HE is the one who isn't worth YOUR time.

Don't get me wrong. I 100% understand how you feel when you say there is still part of you hoping he could come back to you. That makes sense. You liked him, and some part of you thought he had the chance to be something good. The important thing to realize is what you are missing isn't really HIM.... you are missing an idea of who and what you thought he was/could be. You won't find that in him because he isn't that and never was. You can still find all those good qualities you thought you saw in him, though.... but just in somebody else. Somebody who sincerely does have those qualities, and doesn't just PRETEND they do to get women.

Good luck to you. It will be hard at first, but in time you will see that you deserve better than a jerk like that. Please stay strong. Even if he were to come begging you back, it would probably be an act and only a matter of time before he treated you like this again. You deserve better and he AIN'T it. ....And you can know I really mean that because I almost never use the word "ain't." LOL!

[Louise27x]

I think I did fall for who I thought he was.
I'm clearly easily fooled.
I would of never have cheated on him,I would of tried my best to make him happy ..I guess I wasn't enough.
His ex won't let him see his son and made out she was crazy etc but who knows what he did to her to make her like that.