long term kinda

[Rotty73]

So thank you for reading first off. Been "friends" with D for about 15 years been romantically interested the whole time. Been here for the whole kit and kaboodle. Been her rock thru 2 failed relationships and one failed marriage. Around 10 years ago we became intimate which has been on and off for the years. When in need either emotionality financially or physically contacts me.. as of now living with me. Have approached a couple times about establishing a relationship which she never truly answers.. always says she needs to work on stuff in her head first. What's best way to proceed? Any advice be great !! And if need any more info please just ask. Thank you !!!

[richiro]

the best way to proceed is to realize that you are only a fling and friend to her - to fulfill needs when she needs them.
To her.. this will not go past that. And thre really isn't much you can do about it. If it could change or had the potential to, it would have over the 10 yrs after you became intimate. So.. sorry to report that.

So what do you do about it? You decide if you can handle it being a casual "she comes to me when she needs me" thing and nothing more. In other words, are you going to be able to handle the fact that she will always end up with another man, and probably not a good man at that?

If you can exist and not feel regret being in that existnece or like you lost out - then enjoy.
If you are going to regret that it'll never be a full relationship and that's what you want and passed up many women along the way - then its time to go and ONLY go to her when YOU have your needs.

Good luck.

[TheEvilJester]

I agree 100% with richiro. At this point, if you've tried and she never gives you a straight answer, it is obviously because she doesn't want anything more than what you relationship is/has always been. If she truly felt more for you than just this friend/casual hookup relationship, she would just give you a straight answer. She wouldn't give you these BS "have to get my head straight" sort of answers.

Frankly, if you were okay with the way things are there would be nothing wrong with that. So, she's not necessarily wrong for maintaining this casual relationship with you without making it anything more. Where she IS wrong, though, is in not just being honest with you. You were man enough to just ask for what you wanted.... instead of being an adult about it, she tried to avoid giving you a real answer.

Why? Maybe she thinks she's sparing your feelings (when, really, that only hurts more because it only delays the inevitable). Maybe she likes things the way they are and doesn't want to change that, so she's hoping giving you this bogus answer will keep you waiting so she won't lose what you have, but won't have to make the relationship anything more.

So, bottom line is that is unlikely to ever change. Not impossible, but VERY unlikely. So, you have to decide if you are okay with that arrangement, or if you need more. If you need more, you probably aren't going to get it with her, so you'd be better to move on and find somebody else. There need be no hard feelings, honestly. You two just aren't looking for the same thing. At least in each other.

Good luck to you!

[Pistach1985]

Agreed with the above. A frank convo may sort out where you stand.