Am I out of love?

[Rachel_]

D and I started dating in high school. I then entered university, and he took a gap year trying to get into college. Everything was fine during that year, and we were really in love, he visited a lot, and I would go home at the weekends. Then the next year, he got into a far away college and we would only see each other on the weekends. It was hard but we made it through. The year after that it started getting harder. I still loved him very much, and I know he did too, but we were always fighting and angry at each other during the week, and I didn't feel like a priority, since he always picked being with his friends, rather than coming home earlier to be with me.
Eventually, all the bickering got to him, and he broke up with me, after being in a relationship for 2 and a half years. I felt like crap, always crying, wanting him back. We had no contact during a month, and after that he texted me. I was desperate to see him, so I arranged a meeting, and we kissed that day, wanting to get back together. During the week, we called and texted, but something was off. Eventually I asked if something had happened and he told me he had made out with a friend during the time we were broken off. I reacted badly and we didn't talk until he came home for the weekend, since in my mind, there was no way something like that could happen. Then, I arranged a meeting (again) so we could talk. I told him how i felt, and that i wanted to try anyways, but still he felt distant.... that's when I asked if it was only kissing... and it had not been, they had sex that night. I felt pretty hurt, since that happened a week after we broke up, and we were each other's firsts. He didn't want to look at me, being ashamed and knowing he had hurt me, but since I was so blinded by wanting to get back together, I told him I would try to forgive him, and we tried to restore our relationship.
Well, 2 months have passed, and know I have a lot of doubts. It doesn't feel the same, I feel like I don't trust him, and I have that lingering feeling that If something happened he wouldn't tell me unless I asked. We have being acting like nothing happened, and things would appear the same, but ... I fell like I might not love him anymore. I think I was to quick to try and forgive, and i didn't allow myself to react... I don't wanna lose him though, as I used to think he was the one and only and I'm sort of holding on to that...
He says he loves me, and even cried when I told him I wasn't sure I loved him, and I would like this to work, I'm just not sure it's worth the effort... I know don't expect much of him anymore(in terms of texting, coming home soon, or romantic gestures, since he was never like that, but I always complained) and am starting to look more of the bad aspects of the relationship...

What should I do?
Can I begin to love him again?
Help please...

[richiro]

yes you are out of love.. but let's be real.. you were BROKEN UP so you can't claim "cheating" or "unfair" or blame him for anything when you were broken up.
you don't have ownership to begin with but especially not when you are broken up.

stil... i undestand you fel betrayed and don't feel trust fro him now. i understand that.
its best yo umove on b/c if you don't have trust - you have nothing with that person.

sorry to hear it turned out this way.

[Rachel_]

But I would like to make it work, as I can't stand to think of him with someone else, and I still think he is the most beautiful man alive... I don't want to let this go, but will it ever feel the same?

[melancholia]

He didn't cheat on you, you broke up. Men typically have a harder time processing a break up than women do, it's just a fact. Most of them try to move on quickly, and he probably tried to do that. Your problems come from a place of not being able to trust him, and those feelings started long before you broke up. It seems like you love the idea of being together more than the reality of actually being together. When people are happy, they don't fight all the time. They work through problems by talking about it, and hearing the other person out so they can work through them. Just because you were each other's firsts, doesn't mean you are meant to be together, or that you can't be happy with another person. Take some time to yourself to figure out what you want out of life, and put the relationship on the back burner for now.