Am I overreacting. Any advice would help?

[Cmbarr]

I am F 28. I am engaged, we have been together for 6 years. I just found old emails recently yesterday was on his computer and his email was up so in all of 6 years there were about 6 or 7 emails exchanges with his ex. One where she had reached out to him and he responded about sitting down to chat in 2013. Well they never did. Then a second email back in 2015 where he reached out to her was telling her everything is going great and did not mentioned at all he was engaged. I confronted him and he of course lied and said he never sent those emails and could not remember. It was def his ex as he had an email he sent way before we dated stating its too bad things didn't work out between them and that she looked great ( but that was sent before we even dating). He said he broke up with her and it was over 10 years ago. I am really upset since he told that she was just a friend and lied about reaching out to her. I know they are old but he got really defensive about the emails he did tell me he would not reach out again, but I don't know if I believe that. What are your thoughts? Am I over reacting? I dont understand why he would hide our relationship or want to meet up with her. He completely shut me off and got super defensive about the topic and will not talk about it at all.

Edit *Also about a month ago I found old pictures from like 15 years ago he kept of him and her. He has shredding those pics and said he didn't realize he even had the.

[richiro]

well you are overreacting and not overreacting.
1. 6-7 exchanges in 6 yrs.. (aka 1X/yr) - is hardly cheating or having a relationship with somebody
2. that they've never gotten together in person.. hello.
3. they're in the past.. they are not in the present... hello.
4. i find it okay that ex's reach out to each other occasionally maybe to catch up or maybe certain things they ar able to talk about that they can't with others b/c of somethign specific they went thru or talked about int he past. i find that okay.

When somebody has only been in touch with somebody else 1X/yr - and somebody gets up ni their grill over it like they are having an affair - BET YOUR ASS anybody gets super defensive about it.. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT?

but.. that he is lying or denying it is very troublesome also. and he is wrong to do that. But everything else.. you are in the wrong.

My guess is.. its innocent. they have certain things they are able to talk about based on their past and so they may still be the person they each go to for specific thigns they want to talk to somebody about (why it's only 1X/yr!) - and sometimes ex's will reminisce fondly about the past (this is human nature... not malicious!). Its a past they share together.. its okay. Then you come and grill him about it like he just murdered yoru dog and yeah he'll get defensive. He probaly didnt' even appreciate that you snooped for one and two didn't trust him for another. And thus he stands up to it (as he should).

but he should have acknowledged and told the truth. He was probably so steamed by your over-reaction he decided to rebel and be an ass about it (which i can completely understand. i woudl be too)

GET FACTS FIRST ALWAYS! Don't accuse and make him prove otherwise. That is never right or fair. You woudln't apprciate it if anybody did that to you.

so in the end. you're both in the wrong.. but primarily.. its YOU that are wrong here.

[melancholia]

People lie to protect themselves. Always. I think he reacted defensively because he didn't meet up with her or say anything inappropriate, so rather than explaining the conversations they had, he just lied and said he didn't send them. That, or he really did forget he ever sent them. I agree, 6-7 emails over a 6 year span is not a lot. It doesn't sound like he is keeping her in his life, but possibly reminiscing with her once in a while. You need to stop snooping through his email. Tell me all you want that it was open and you happened to look, but you could have closed the browser or logged out when you saw it was open to his emails, but instead you went and looked. Therefore, you have some insecurities about your relationship and you're trying to build up evidence against him that something is going on behind your back. Ergo, the overreaction to the emails. Honestly, ask yourself this: are the emails exchanged between them really all that harmful? It's not like he's asking her to meet up and bang. His choice not to mention his engagement has nothing to do with you. He said everything is great, which is a good sign! I know when I've spoken to previous partners, I will not tell them information about my current boyfriend out of respect for him and our relationship, not that I am hiding him by any means. They don't need to know - end of story.

Drop this argument. Honestly, it's pointless and will only cause the problem to snowball and become bigger than it should be. Stop looking through your boyfriend's emails or social media, all that ever does is ruin your partner's trust in you and makes you look insecure and overly jealous and that is not a good look on anybody. If you don't trust your fiancé, that's a bigger problem in itself and it has nothing to do with the emails, it has everything to do with you and your relationship. Deal with that before you get married. Put it all on the table and talk about your expectations, fears, and insecurities. Being vulnerable and communicating well is the best, healthiest way to get over those negative feelings.

[pcmaster]

6 messages in 6 years is nothing. I had 10 000 messages in 2 months not counting phone texts and skype and phone calls. And didnt even had sex with a girl. So hes feelings are pretty much dead for her. But you been cheated on by someone else or are insecure.