What should I do

[bobsam613]

So there is a girl I am very good friends with....the complication is I fancy her

When I say good friends I mean we text every day, we have lunch every so often and event spent the evening together last week (dinner then cinema then dessert)

I've known her for over a year now and have always been fairly close with her but recently we've gotten closer

I want to tell her how I feel but I don't know if she feels the same way - if she doesn't then I am worried our friendship will end. If she does, I am not sure I could give her everything she may need emotionally and physically. I am quite an emotionally reserved person and very aphysical but am heterosexual.

I feel though that it would be very hard to keep things just as they are because of how I feel

what should I do

[TheEvilJester]

That can be a tricky situation. My first piece of advice in a situation like this is always to think about it good and hard to make sure you really do have interest in your friend as more than a friend, and that it's not just maybe a passing infatuation. I say that because sometimes people can fool themselves into thinking they like somebody when they really are just admiring them as a friend, and that can wind up ruining the friendship.

It sounds like you have sort of already had that internal conversation with yourself, though, and you do feel like you want to be more than friends with her. So, the next thing I tend to suggest to people in a situation like this would be to think about the possible outcomes to give themselves a better idea of what feels most right to them.

For example, if you were to decide not to mess with the friendship and just remain friends, how would that feel being around her? Could continue to be friends and be okay with that? On the other hand, pretending worst case scenario, if you asked her out, she was not interested, and it did end the friendship..... do you think that would hurt too much to risk? Or, do you think, though that would really suck, you'd at least feel better for having tried rather than having just resolved to remain friends and not even bother to go for it?

I would say maybe 99 times out of 100 in situations like this, I think it is better to give it a try. Again, if you try and she isn't interest, sure, that would suck. Worse still, if she isn't interested AND it ruins the friendship, that would also suck..... but it sucks much worse being around somebody all the time and wanting more but never going for it. Then you are just always left wondering what if. In that situation, eventually she'd find somebody else and you'd be stuck as her friend, wanting more, but now it is no longer even possible.

So, most likely your best bet is to talk to her about it. You two are friends, so there certainly is a chance that she could feel the same way. Of course, there is also a chance that she only likes you as a friend, but you won't know unless you try. Think of it like this.... if you try and it doesn't go well, wouldn't you at least be relieved to know? Then you can move on and not be kept wondering. If you try and it DOES goes well..... wouldn't you be kicking yourself for even thinking of not trying? So, it does have to be your decision.... you have to do what feels right to you.... but typically in situations like this it is best at least to try. Good luck to you.

[richiro]

yep.. another exampe of boy likes girl.. does everything for girl.. not sure if girl lieks him back.. too afraid to tell her and lose her.

from experience let me encourage you to make a decision and soon. are you okay just being friends with her (or get to a point wher eyou can) and let the idea of being together go? or must you know and find out (and be willing to risk your friendship?) DECIDE THAT NOW before doing anything. then do accordingly. but from my experience.. its worse to not know, hang on, live on a hope/dream and waste all that time and either never know, never look elsehwere, or find out it was never there on her side..... then it is to find out now.. deal with it.. and move on.

the chances she has something for you are pretty low. girls can't hide it that long and that well when they want a guy. so your chance if it was ever there has probaly passed by. but still.. closure is a good thing so you will probaly only ever know what she thinks of you if you venture out and ask her and then just deal with it.

life doesn't happen in your head. life happens out here. so quit living the "possible dream" in your head and find out in real life ---- then live accordingly.

good luck.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed that time is of the essence in situations like this. The longer you are just friends, the more that could become all she can say whether or not there even HAD been a chance she could have seen you as more. So, you don't want to drag something like this along for too long and remain indecisive.

Sure, absolute best case scenario, it could be possible that she likes you in that way too but has been waiting around hoping for you to make the first move. Heck, there's also a possibility she doesn't like you as more than a friend.... but only because the thought hadn't even occurred to her, in which case maybe she would be interested if she knew you were as well. So, it isn't necessarily a definite, foregone conclusion that she only likes you as a friend and couldn't as anything more.

I do think I agree with richiro that she PROBABLY does like you only as a friend based on the little evidence you provided, but we can't really know that for sure. We could be way off on that. We're not mind readers. (At least I know I'm not and I don't think richiro is. LOL~) You aren't either, so you don't know how she feels unless she volunteers the information or you ask. So, I think most likely your best bet is just to go for it, ask her out, and hope it goes well. Again, that really is generally the best case scenario either way. Best case scenario if it turns out she does like you the same way because then you two could start something that could be great. Best case scenario if it turns out she doesn't like you the same way because at least then you know. Then you can move on, take some time to heal from that disappointment, and then find somebody else.

Good luck!

[bobsam613]

thanks all!

[richiro]

no i'm not a mind reader lol.. but.. i do have a sense about people and can read them pretty well with limited info. i wasinvited to a friend's family holiday party once and to test this, i told her not to tell me anything about them.. that i woudl just spend the first day or so obsreving them without engagign in convo with them or listening to what they're saying to others.. and then that night i'd tell her everything i coudl muster up from just observing them...

shoulda seen the look on her face of utter terror(?) and shock.. i had successfully tolld the life story of each of her siblings and even maybe perhaps what was going on todday to a T...

now. that was with the benefit of seeing body language. we don't have that here. so all we can go on is what you reveal to us here and how you reveal it to us here - and the language and words you choose (which reveal a lot!) then going from the read we have on you and what you say - thats what we put together to determine what we think is going on... but wer'e definitely at a disadvantage on a computer screen...

so no.. not a mind reader. but.. i'm good at sensing and have seen more than most when it comes to human observation and studying what makes people tick in general.

do we know exactly what's going on here? no.
but we probably have a pretty good idea.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I had started to wonder. You almost always seem to say exactly what I was about to say. LOL! Started to wonder if you WERE a mind reader. But, no, I definitely agree with you there. I've always been bizarrely good at "reading people" so to speak. Probably not quite as good as you based on what you describe, but it is a talent I share. Just a shame I've never been able to use that talent for me because somehow I've always still managed to let the wrong people into my life.

Glad that, for once, it at least doesn't sound like that's the case here. At least from what we've heard, the OPs friend sound like a good enough person. It is just a question of whether or not she does or could like bob as more than a friend as well. Maybe she can, maybe she can't, but it would be better just to find out rather than remain wondering. Good luck, bobsam.