How do I approach this?

[lilydaisy]

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He says he loves me and is very happy. He has a transfer with his job next year which will take him 1000's kms away. I am a bit anxious that he might not want to continue on with me then as he never talks about the future. I am afraid to ask him but I feel that I have invested emotionally into this relationship to not just have it end when he moves and having wasted 2 years. I'm not sure whether to approach him about it (I'm actually terrified that the answer will be no) to ask him what are his intentions. Should I wait a bit or ask? I know that if he isn't interested in committing then I will have to end it but the anxiety keeps growing and maybe I have to accept that my asking might end things which really will be heartbreaking - any suggestions? Thank you

[richiro]

i'm not sure how waiting helps in this situatin?
i can see many reasons why waiting would hurt...

As for this "what i've invested into it already" - i hear a lot of people say that. And i never understood why. Who cares how much ou've already invested in it? It's gone.. kaput. can't get it back. What's that got to do with anyting? All that really amtters now is how much will you CONTINUE to invest in it and are you getting a good return for your investment TODAY and IN THE FUTURE... The past has zero to do with that. In fact all you do by holding onto the past and "wha tyou've already invested into it" is making yourself waste more investments today and tomorrow - that's not smart.

So let go of this "how much i've invested in it" ... look at WHAT YOU WANT TO INVEST going forward and what's going to be worht your investment FROM NOW ON.

[lilydaisy]

Thank you for your response Richiro. Probably 'invest' is a poor description. The longer I have known him the more fond I have become of him. I guess that I'm probably in very deep as far as how I feel about him and my greatest fear is losing that.

[richiro]

"greatest fear of losing that" IS "investing"...

from my experience.. it is NOT the best foundation for making smart decisions for your future.. to dwell in the past (like "investments").
so drop the "fear", don't worry about 'losing", and stop worryign about "investments"...

instead.. don't fear anything... worry about what you gain.. and focus on what makes the most sense to invest in going forward. thats how people that make the BEST decisions think.

nobody is successful by succmging to their fears. do you think Apple would be around, Microsoft, Tesla, electricity, the internet, or iphones would be around if people were afraid of failure? NOT EVEN CLOSE. We have iPHone, comptuers, the internet, tesla, and al the stuff we have today because people WERE WILLING TO FAIL and KEEP FAILING until they got it right.

do you want to be successful or not? If not - keep fearing failure. If you want to be a success - you have to accept failure as part of being successful.

in short.. you don't get somewhere.. by avoiding things.
you get somewhere by taking them on regardless of outcome.

good luck.

[lilydaisy]

Thanks again Richiro! I really do understand where you're coming from. You are right and I'm tired of making decisions (or not making decisions) based on fear...
Watch this space!

[Hooo!]

I don't see what options you have.
You know what you want!
Go for it. Make it happen.

[melancholia]

Just ask. Tell him about the anxiety you are having and see what he says about it.