Just found out she cheated

[Mavee31]

I found messages on my girlfriends phone where she's been talking to her ex and they were sexual in the messages. I confronted her about it and she denied sleeping with him, eventually I set up my laptop to record her when I'm not in the house and I got in the recording her talking to her ex on the phone basically admitting to sleeping with him. I confronted her again before playing the clip to her and she denied it again. After playing the recording she started crying and confessed to sleeping with him and said she was scared to tell me the truth. She would leave me with our 2 month old baby and tell me she's going to sort out her college registration, only to find out now that she was going to sleep with her ex while I stayed at home with the baby. She's been begging for forgiveness and for me to give her another chance, what should I do?

[pcmaster]

Its hard to answer what should you do. Basically I cant give you advice but I can ask you a questions to help you explore your feelings and in that way help you come to your own conclusion. Thats what active listening is.

So she cheated on you. How that makes you feel? Do you wanna talk about it?

[Mavee31]

I feel betrayed because I've been so loyal to her. I've been trying to get answers from her about why she did it and she just becomes defensive or says she doesn't remember

[pcmaster]

So you feel betrayed. What could you do to feel better?

You know a lot of couples sex life is not the same after baby is born. Some girls fall into some kind of depression afterwards. Baby takes a lot of attention from both and that takes attention away from each other. It a real test to relationship.

Do you feel like you could forgive her or trust her ever again? Again theoretically its possible to overcome cheating but sometimes even after years trust is never regained.

Again I can not tell what to do or what might happen as I dont know you and whats best for you. Each case is different even if it seems similar.

[Mavee31]

I'm not sure if I can trust her again but I still love her, but this whole situation has just shattered me and I don't know how to find a way forward.

[pcmaster]

Well there are couples therapists and counselors. Basicaly specialists with relationship knowledge. They could help with fixing your relationship. If you cant afford it then 7cups.com have free listeners and 3 day free trial on therapists. Betterhelp.com have 7 day free trial. Also theres this more serious and bigger forum called loveshack. But its hard to register there.

[Hooo!]

You have not been loyal at all
You have been recording her (like wtf dude?)
You don't trust your instincts at all.
The girl doesn't trust you - which means that you probably react bad ( uncontrolled not understand possibly verbally abusive)

Also there are reasons for her getting back in with her ex. Possibly boringness in bed

I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but I thought it should be said regardless.


After all you will have to think about what you want. Also if you choose to stay together I would urge you to think what YOU want and need to change in your relationship.

[Mavee31]

Your statement is full of assumptions, you know nothing about our relationship for you to make those kind of accusations about me. I only recorded her when I became suspicious about the messages between her and her ex.

[Hooo!]

which doesnt make it any better.

And i am not only making assumptions

people dont usually just "happen to cheat" on each other. Its not that simple.

There are things that you have not been doing (or things you have been doing) that made her miss something.
Or she simply just doesnt care at all (which cant be true if you consider her regret(

[melancholia]

His inclination of her cheating on him is what prompted him to set up the video. He brought it up to her previously when he found the messages and then caught her on video, but gave her an opportunity to tell him the truth and she didn't. So he told her what he found. I don't think he wanted to find out what he did, but his choices lead him to the answer. It is what it is, so there's no sense in harping on the OP for that one decision when the main point of the post is about the girlfriend cheating on him.

I agree, people who are in happy relationships don't cheat on their partner. Either she isn't getting what she needs from you, or she isn't ready for the level of commitment you two have placed upon yourselves by raising a baby together. Or she isn't getting enough attention or support somehow. Either that, or she's just a psycho b!tch who has no empathy or sense of remorse for hurting people -- but I highly doubt that's the case.

Normally, I would say just leave her. However, you two have a child together and that makes it harder to up and leave. Even if you leave the relationship you will still be tied to her by co-parenting, so it's not like you can just break up and delete her from your life and move on. You have the rest of your life to deal with each other. I would suggest taking some time apart to clear your thoughts about this and decide what you want to do. Put your child's best interests at the forefront of your decision making, because that is obviously the most important thing to consider here. What is best for that baby? I also suggest couple's counselling. It will help you two organize your thoughts and communicate your feelings, needs, and expectations to each other under the supervision and guidance of a professional, who is equipped to handle situations like this. A lot of couples have overcome infidelity and they are able to make their relationship work. But it takes a lot of work from both people to do that. She will obviously have to cut out her ex from her life completely and never speak to him again, and if she is willing to do that, I think you can work toward the next step to rekindling your relationship. If that's what you want.