My wife's affair???

[justinsparky72]

The guy was supposed to be my "best friend". For five or six years they had an affair (even in my own bed and my son's bed). I never caught them, she finally told me about it and said she loved me and would never do it again and will never see or talk to this man again, should I forgive her, and how can I ever get my trust back, and get this knife I feel is sticking in my back out??? how long before the pain goes away, because I don't even want to live anymore, it hurts so bad.*
The guy's got an a** kicking when I see him, but should I trust her again?

[dontaskme]

Your wife having an affair with your best friend and they were having sex in your bed and your son's bed? Man that is tough to take. Maybe it's best to get away from her, get some therapy alone and figure out what you want to do, whether you still want her in your life or not, but that is hard to accomplish if she's around you because she is the source of all your pain. Personally, if that happened to me, I would have kicked my spouse out already for the total disrespect (having sex with a best friend in my house???).

[melancholia]

6 years and suddenly she won't ever see or talk to him again? That sound fishy to me. The level of disrespect in this scenario is insane, and I would definitely divorce my husband if it were me in that situation. However, I realize you have a child together and you came here for advice, so what I would do may not necessarily be what is best for you and your son.

Do you think you can ever truly forgive your wife and trust her again after this? Has she done more than just confess and say she won't see him again to make you believe her? What steps has she taken to repair your marriage and the damage she has done? Also, this may sound harsh, but how could it carry on for 6 years without you knowing anything about it or having any suspicions? I am not saying she is in the right for her behavior, it is 100% her choice to have made, and I don't believe there is ever a valid reason for cheating, but people in happy relationships don't cheat... so there are some underlying issues within your marriage that need to be addressed and worked through before you can ever hope to repair your marriage.

[justinsparky72]

I just found out this morning..It took EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME to not beat her all over that house LITTERALLY.

[melancholia]

I am glad you didn't do that because a domestic assault charge in addition to infidelity would be a huge burden to carry. However, did you not have any suspicions of your wife's cheating for the 6 years she had this affair? Have you been able to talk to your wife about this at all?

[justinsparky72]

I had NO IDEA of the affair, not one thing made me suspicious. NO I can't look my wife in the face now.

[edd]

omg man that must hurt like hell.
i dont think i could handle it.
1 mistake can maybe happen but lieing for 6 years damn.
cant give you advise but i wish you strenght the comming time

[pcmaster]

Forgive her. We are all humans and make mistakes. For example Arnold Swartzeneger had sex with his hpuse maid and their kid (Arnolfs and maids kid)was living together with them in a house for 15 years. His wife didnt forgave him but I think she should have.

[justinsparky72]

Dude you need to get cheated on to understand.

And BTW deliberately cheating for SIX YEARS IS NOT A "MISTAKE"!!!!
A mistake is something that you UN-INTENTIONALLY NOT ON PURPOSE.

[Hooo!]

do you trust your wife about this?
do you love her still?
did she tell you of her own account or did you just "happen" to find it out?

what did she get from him that you cannot give her?
and believe me there is something.

[Beitzdub]

Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I don't see how any relationship can recover from that.