What do you want

[Hooo!]

I think one of the most common problems is that people wonder what they should do. Should they... - or rather not? Or even worse: why am I here?
Sadly they don't realize that these questions are wrong:They don't get you anywhere.

Let's imagine for just a second that there was a person (besides yourself) who could give you THE correct answer to your question, what use would that answer be to you?
That's right. Exactly nothing. You still can't know that he is right.
An example: You want to date person A. But you are not sure because of circumstances C. You come to this forum and or ask your friends what should you do.
Let us say I have made these exact experiences 1000+ times and as such I could give you the absolutely correct decision for you to make and to benefit in the long run.
However you do not know me or my experience. If I told you, you should do X because it is the right thing to do, how valuable would this advice be?
Thats right, it would be useless, because ultimatively you will have to make up your own mind and decide for your own.

So you may ask: what is the best question then?
Here are some other questions that might actually get you somewhere:

What do I want? (describe in rich detail)
What must not happen? What do I want instead?
What exactly will I get, if I finally have it?
What exactly will I feel if i have that? And what will that feeling then give me in return?
What keeps me from starting to do just that?
What are the exact steps that I must do in order to get what I want? What else must I do, or how else must I shape my circumstances to get that?
If I had that what I want how would I look sound and be in 1 month 1,3,5,15 years from now, in rich colorful description?
How can I get that?
Must I - and if so in what exact way - must I change myself to get where I want to be.
What else must I do, or how else must I shape my circumstances to get that?
What other ways are there to get where I want to be or what other ways are there to achieve the feeling I get from where I want to be?
What would be the first step in order to achieve what I want?
When do I take it?


I will probably refer to this thread from time to time.

[pcmaster]

We dont know the person or their reality and their possibilitiee. But we can ask them what they think will help and correct if they are completly wrong. Thats what my therapist been doing.
Also we might think that situations are similar and same advuce might work dor similar cases, but each case are unique cause there are duferent details so each advice should be customized.

[lovebroken]

Ask yourself why should I love a person who clearly doesn't love or respect me. Therefore why am I investing in this person when they are not invested in me. That thought wakes some up quickly.

Ask yourself, why don't I deserve better or more?

[Hooo!]

We dont know the person or their reality and their possibilitiee. But we can ask them what they think will help and correct if they are completly wrong. Thats what my therapist been doing.
Also we might think that situations are similar and same advuce might work dor similar cases, but each case are unique cause there are duferent details so each advice should be customized.

No. Not each advice should be customized. On the contrary: People tend to drama their problems way too much. They think they are the only one with this or that particular (relationship) problem. You have been in this forum for 7 years and you will notice how often the same topics crop up. They are repeating themselves with different persons thinking they are the only ones with a problem like that. They are not. Thus the sollutions to these problems are also universally aplicable.
Your therapeutic approach is okay. However sometimes a person does not have the subconcious resources to know how to change. People are telling you to just be who you are and that should be enough. That is wrong. If you dont learn and dont change what you think and belief you will eventually get stuck. A good therapist realises that and helps you identify and change limiting beliefs. But all that is quite beside the point of this thread.
The point being that quite a lot people who have a "problem" have it because they just dont know what they want.
And that is driving me nuts.
Then other people come to this forum and tell them what they want or what is good for them. In most cases however that is really worthless in itsself and additionally the people will not have learned to FIRST figure out what they want. So if the next problem like that arrives they again go through this whole process. From my point of view that is not very mature or fullfilling.

Ask yourself why should I love a person who clearly doesn't love or respect me. Therefore why am I investing in this person when they are not invested in me. That thought wakes some up quickly.

Ask yourself, why don't I deserve better or more?

I think thats an uhealthy question to ask: either its rethorical and the answer is: I do deserve better or you go actually looking for reasons that make you be miserable. We all more or less deserve what we live with. It comes down to if you want to have it - or not (and what you want instead).