Should I stop dating now that I have terminal Cancer?

[CleanCut]

Hey folks,

I have been on these forums off and on for years and have always received good advice from everyone on here. So here is my new dilemma, I'm 32 and had to have brain surgery last month to have a tumor removed only to discover recently that it is malignant/cancerous and I have been given an estimated max life expectancy of around 13 years.

I was a very late bloomer in the dating world and have only had a couple of short term relationships, each lasting about two months, but during those short little relationships were the happiest times of my life. I have only ever been dating for about 3 years now and have been really trying hard to find a good GF to be with, but have so far been unsuccessful unfortunately.

Now, that my life span has been significantly shortened suddenly, I would really like to find someone to spend my remaining time with, but I started to think about it a bit and have become concerned. Even if I do find a girl that would like to be with me, my fear is that the relationship could become serious and intended to be long lasting and I could pass away a few years in.

However, I fear that I have a slim chance of finding a GF now anyways since the radiation treatment will permanently damage my hair growth and it's doubtful that any girl would want to start a relationship with a guy with such a short time left to live. Also, if I couldn't find a GF in 3 years of trying when I had a full head of hair and no health issues, chances are I won't be able find one now, but what would you guys do in my situation? Should I keep on trying regardless, or it just a lost cause? I would really rather not die alone, but I don't want my passing to affect any more people than it has to.

[ParadiseLost]

I think You just have to be selfish here. No one else will care about Your happiness more than You do.

I seen this photo story if guy on boredpanda guy who married his longterm GF few weeks before he died of cancer. They both knew he have cancer. So my suggestion is once you find a girl You love and who cares for You - marry her straight away so You have a good while to live in marriage.
And hair can be fixed with wigg. There are ones that You can glue to head and they look like natural hair and are water resistant.

Anyway I dont advice going around and telling people You have a cancer. I doubt girls will want to have longterm relationships or even sex with You if they knew about cancer. My suggestion is to tell it later - like after marriage. First You have to be sure that girl really cares.
Have You seen the movie Fault in our stars? Its pretty good and on topic here. Its about falling in love and living life despite everything.
Think thats what life is - thats what happiness is. Being happy despite of anything. Its like a seed that breaks asphalt in order to grow.
So yeah live in the present make the most of it. Dont let future hold You back. Be selfish and put Yourself first. If You live alone You die alone. Something to think about.

In conlusion just wanted to add this video
Are You living Your life? -

https://youtu.be/Cn13UfHDm3I

[CleanCut]

I think You just have to be selfish here. No one else will care about Your happiness more than You do.

I seen this photo story if guy on boredpanda guy who married his longterm GF few weeks before he died of cancer. They both knew he have cancer. So my suggestion is once you find a girl You love and who cares for You - marry her straight away so You have a good while to live in marriage.
And hair can be fixed with wigg. There are ones that You can glue to head and they look like natural hair and are water resistant.

Anyway I dont advice going around and telling people You have a cancer. I doubt girls will want to have longterm relationships or even sex with You if they knew about cancer. My suggestion is to tell it later - like after marriage. First You have to be sure that girl really cares.
Have You seen the movie Fault in our stars? Its pretty good and on topic here. Its about falling in love and living life despite everything.
Think thats what life is - thats what happiness is. Being happy despite of anything. Its like a seed that breaks asphalt in order to grow.
So yeah live in the present make the most of it. Dont let future hold You back. Be selfish and put Yourself first. If You live alone You die alone. Something to think about.

In conlusion just wanted to add this video
Are You living Your life? -

https://youtu.be/Cn13UfHDm3I

Good advice and video my friend and I think you are right. Yea I have lived completely alone for pretty much my entire adult life and really don't want to die that way; I actually wasted my entire 20's being a total shut-in that avoided people like they were zombies. It has only been in the last 3 years that I have really pulled my head out of my ass and started socializing, dating, and really trying to "live" and I shouldn't stop now. I have felt so more alive over the last few years than any previous years of life. One of the girls I dated last year for 2 months was the first "real" female relationship I've ever had, first girl I have ever had sex with and felt like I was actually bonded to and it felt incredible to even feel like someone really cared for me, even though it turned out she didn't unfortunately. Heck, it even just felt great to have someone to talk to on a daily basis.

[pcmaster]

Answering to topic name. You should keep dating.
Its a good idea not to tell a girls about cancer cause only very few who have also large health issuses or something could accept this or feel more attracted because of it.

For example Im a virgin and I dont ussualy tell girls Im a virgin. Except this one girl cause I wanted to try be honest. And in the end she didnt wanted to have sex with me or have a relationship with me since I never had long term relationship or sex.
So yeah had more luck with a girl who didnt knew the truth.
Now starting to understand how female mind works and what to say and dont say to girls.
And you are guy so its not that bad if you lise hair cause many guys shave their heads. It could be just your new style. Once you are bald get some tan on your head, natural or spray tan and it will look sexy.

[CleanCut]

Agreed pcmaster, I had to go through that same virgin stress thing myself, for a very long time and just getting to understand how women think and learning natural "smooth talk" is a huge part of winning their attraction. Some advice to you if you would like it is that when you do finally get a girl over to your place and get an opportunity to get physical, do lots of cuddling and then just go for it with no worries or mental restraints and don't think too hard about the situation, just feel it out and will go well. My three date strategy to getting a girl to bed at least is first date is drinks to get to know her a bit, second date take her to a movie and initiate some cuddling then and when you walk her to her car after the movie, ask her if she would like a good night kiss and initiate a passionate kiss right before she gets into the car, once you break the touch barrier and get that first nice long kiss in, things go much more smooth and naturally after that, third date ask her to your place to order in some dinner or make her dinner, then you can play some games or watch a show or whatever you mutually enjoy, something that starts on the couch and allows for lots of cuddling and fondling is a good place to start, once you get to the point of starting to deep kiss and neck kissing, slowly start to undress her, blouse first is best,(make sure to learn how to undo a bra beforehand, much easier to do with one hand than two by the way) then just wittingly say shall we take this to the bedroom? This verbiage and "3-date strategy" has worked for me several times and led to some of the greatest nights of my life. Good luck to you my friend!

[lovebroken]

13 years is a long amount of time to stop wanting having someone to love if you are capable of giving and receiving love. Some people it might turn away but not all and it helps you weed out the bad and selfish people and leaves you with the kind compassionate only have love to give to others people. I wouldn't stop dating, and if you fall deep in love and have chance to marry and have kids, do so too. Now is the time to live as you always wanted, to take chances you didn't before.

[CleanCut]

13 years is a long amount of time to stop wanting having someone to love if you are capable of giving and receiving love. Some people it might turn away but not all and it helps you weed out the bad and selfish people and leaves you with the kind compassionate only have love to give to others people. I wouldn't stop dating, and if you fall deep in love and have chance to marry and have kids, do so too. Now is the time to live as you always wanted, to take chances you didn't before.

Well, I've never had love returned to me, but I can certainly give it and would be ecstatic if I could find someone to actually love me back. I know this is going to be a huge daunting challenge for a person in my situation, but I'm going to give it my all with no holding back at all this time. Thanks guys.

[pcmaster]

Thats cool. CleanCut your strategy seems to be working.
These days girls seems to be so much about sex and if theres no sex at third date they start to doubt if guy likes them. Thats where it ussualy ends for me - third or fourth date without sex and then girls are like - I dont need this.
Thanks for suggestion. I really been holding myself back and thinking too much.
Its great that you enjoy time with girls. So that is what you should do since you like it. I do see that people with no experience and people with many years of relationship experience does struggle to find a longterm partner so guess its part of dating game.
I can tell that you are strong person since you havent given up on girls. I seen many guys in their twenies and thirdies who have given up on girls after no luck or bad luck with girls.
Pretty much like you I enjoy relationship even if its just a few months. Its great not to be so alone for sake of change. My motto is - Live with an open heart even if it hurts.

[Hooo!]

if you met the love of your life and you knew shed die in about 12 years time
what would you do?

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Well, I've never had love returned to me, but I can certainly give it and would be ecstatic if I could find someone to actually love me back. I know this is going to be a huge daunting challenge for a person in my situation, but I'm going to give it my all with no holding back at all this time. Thanks guys.

hahah ok
i came too late

go for it.
Give the world your love.
thank you.

[CleanCut]

if you met the love of your life and you knew shed die in about 12 years time
what would you do?

- - - Updated - - -



hahah ok
i came too late

go for it.
Give the world your love.
thank you.

Even if that did happen, at least that would be 12 years of happiness, which would certainly be a much longer stretch of it than I've had I've ever had so far in life. Guess I'll just keep on trying and see if what I can find out there. Thanks