why would this guy do this?

[frances9]

strange situation I know......met up with a man recently (late 40s) who I hadn't seen in a number of years. Anyways, man pretended he had no recollection who I was, which was impossible IMO. Long story short I used to be his English teacher years ago and taught him over the course of 4 months every week so there was no way he didn't remember me. Was he playing games? If so, why???? This has bothered me ever since, since I used to have deep feelings for this guy and still do. Why would he do this? Should I tell him how I feel about it? I am angry/hurt right now, but still want to see this man in the future so don't want to blow my chances.

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I know this is not a horoscope board, but he's an Aries FYI.

[lovemenot]

maybe don't tell him that you are angry, but instead say that it's really strange and how can he not remember you, when you were his teacher. Tell him that it upsets you because you remember him very well.
I also suspect there might be a chance he had some feelings for you when you were his teacher and he is embarrassed to admit that he still remembers you after such a long time. At least that's how I behaved in the past in similar situations...
So tell him that you remember him first.

[frances9]

Thanks for your reply lovemenot!.......never thought of it that way....been racking my brains forever now trying to figure this out asking around and nobody has a clue either, lol....anyways, here's what I was going to say to him...

I know this message will come out of the blue but I have to say it otherwise it’ll continue to bother me. Our last meeting in Prague, although nice and very generous on your part, at the same time was a very puzzling experience for me to be honest. The weeks leading up to our meeting I was so excited to see you again, you can’t imagine how much. So when you said you had no idea who I was, I was shocked, didn’t know how to react at first. Cuz honestly at that point, I felt really bad for travelling all this distance 5+ hours on the train to meet some guy who not only didn’t remember what I looked like, no, didn’t remember me at all! Didn’t make any sense because I remembered you very well. I mean it’s not like we had one lesson many years ago, it was several lessons over the course of 4 months, plus that one time I came to visit you in Prague. I didn’t mention it in this last meeting, but I gave your colleague a bottle of Becherovka to give to you as payment for arranging a ride for me to the airport. This was back in 2004 before I moved back to Canada.
Please tell me the truth Eman – did you seriously not remember me??
Anyways, I know it’s all water under the bridge now and all of this happened a million years ago, but I’m still really confused over this as it still crosses my mind from time to time. Despite all this, I would still like us to be in contact if possible as I would really like to see you again when I visit Europe, perhaps sometime this fall. Would be nice especially since I still have fond memories of you. But more than that, as I told you last time, you really inspired me to greater things and I am thankful to you for that.


Too much???? Too sappy, over the top????? I don't want to screw this up cuz I want to leave the door open for when i visit Europe again, maybe even this fall....

[shrah25]

Hi there - ok before I give you a guy perspective on this, I just need to get a couple of points clarified cause i'm a little confused with your message.
The part i'm really confused about is that - it would all make sense if you just 'bumped' into him and he couldn't recall who you were. However, you mentioned that you were really looking forward to meeting him weeks before the catchup which would imply that you had both planned on meeting each other. However if this is the case, how on earth would he not know who you are if you planned on meeting each other?
Maybe if you could clarify this, then I will be able to explain to you the male psychology of what is going on.
Thanks!

P.S - your message is too full on and i'd refrain from sending it. If you approach it like this, he will run for the hills.

[frances9]

hey shrah25.....yeah I've been accused of being too intense before, lol.

ok so basically what happened is that i hadn't seen the guy in years, contacted him on linkedin and he wrote back within 24 hours basically saying something to the effect that if i was in his area we could meet for a coffee. so yeah, we didn't bump into each other, the meeting was planned. the day before we met, he said honestly he didn't remember what I looked like, which i thought was fair. so i sent him a photo. time of meeting, he walked up to me and said he regretted that he couldn't remember who i was. so why the hell didn't he just say that in the email??? so the whole meeting practically was me "refreshing" his memory of things i remembered. where it got ridiculous is when he said he couldn't remember where he lived in another part of slovakia when i was his teacher (he lived there for a good 6 months). even I remembered that. during the meeting, i basically confessed that i had feelings for him years ago and that he inspired me to further my education, blah blah. mind games, ego stroke??? probably all of the above, right???

i have a decent amount of experience with men, but this situation has me completed floored, has never happened to me before. and i suspect in this case, he will never come clean as to why he denied the whole damn thing, right?? i mean what's he going to say?? i'm sorry, but i lied?? yeah right.

so what should i say in my message without being too much? i need to say something without being angry or self-pitying, but at the same time not a push over either.

[lovemenot]

hi again. first of all - don't send him that message, you're right - it's too full on.
but the whole situation is still very puzzling. if you contacted him on linkedin he must have seen your name and then after seeing your picture..i doubt it's even possible to not remember someone like that at all. i still stick to my first guess that maybe he had some hidden feelings too or maybe if during your conversation you confessed about your feelings back then, maybe he got scared. anyways i think he lied about not remembering you. or he has some serious memory loss issue..maybe had some trauma or something, cuz I just don't see any other way you could just forget somebody like that...

if you write him a message don't blame him for not remembering you. maybe just thank him for meeting you, tell him it was great to catch up and ask maybe somewhat along the lines "have you finally remembered me after the meeting at least? because I remembered you right away and was a little surprised you couldn't remember me at all" and then tell him you would still like to stay in touch and maybe see each other again when you're there next time or something. make it sound casual. because the message you wrote seems a bit too obsessive and is way too strong;] hope that helps

[pcmaster]

Maybe he have brain damage or something.

I remember I had one classmate in second grade. He had bad memory and teacher pulled his hair because of it.

So few years late I met him and said Hi ****** ! And he answered - How do you know my name?

So might be the same case here. Also some people remember faces worse.

[Hooo!]

you dont even know this guy
and you have "deep felings" for him? seriously...

go grab a coffee with him if he wants. I dont see your problem. Maybe he forgot or maybe he doesnt like you or maybe another reason. Who cares for his reasons.
Either you go do something with him or you dont.

And telling him you have deep feelings? after not meeting him for several years?
You fantasy is not his reality.
Neither is it yours. Stop living in your fantasy and start living in the now and reality.

[frances9]

what do you mean I don't know this guy?? and I never told him I had deep feelings for him, I told him I used to like him several years ago, which is not the same.


having said that, I do appreciate your advice, even though it is very harsh. I noticed your subpost at the bottom of your message which would imply that you are like this with everyone, so whatever.

[Hooo!]

did you learn to know the person privately several years ago?
what do you know about how he is in private?
What do you know about how he has changed in the last few years?