Me [23 M] with my Girlfriend [21 F] Moving from dating phase to relationship

[Braytc]

Hi everyone, Lately I've been dating a girl for about a month now. She's told me multiple times what I mean to her, and I've told her what she means to me. We both are really into eachother physically and she's a little shy but pretty much on the emotional connection side.
I'm just a little confused , as to we are moving out of the dating phase and into an actual relationship. Telling our parents about one another, she came to my house to spend the night once but none of my parents were home, and kind of texting on a daily basis.
To the ladies mostly out there, I just found it really strange, or maybe im over thinking it, that when i commented on one of her instagram photos with some love emojis, she removed it. I texted her asking her why, and she said this:

**"I'm not ready to make it public between us yet"

**i said something like "i cant compliment you? I want us to be proud of eachother ya know"

**She said "Yeah, but i dont want it to be out yet and dont want people to think you're thirsty"


Is this something girls usually do? They don't really want the public knowing about our relationship starting up? Of course every girl is different and she is a little different from others, but it's just kinda been eating away at me.
She mentioned in the car she told her family about me that she's seeing but is a little too early yet for me to be meeting anyone because she feels until everything is completely permanent she wants to make sure the relationship will stay before she starts letting people REALLY know about us.
It's just felt weird to me lately. Thanks for your help

tl;dr
Girl I dated for not too long, me and her pretty much are calling eachother girlfriend/boyfriend and moving into a relationship, but she isn't completely letting her family/public see me and her together yet. She also has been getting really quiet in texting eachother for some reason. She calls me her baby, yet has been barely texting me with her initiating the text or giving some one word answers to things that arent sometimes. Maybe i'm just being paranoid or worked up for no reason. Let me know what you think is going on. Thanks!

[pcmaster]

You are not being paranoid. Something is really shady about this girl. She is not telling you everything.

If relationship have to be secret you dont have to be in it.
You can love her but the way things are now - she can leave any moment and get together with another guy easy and there wont be proof that you existed cause no one knows about you. In fact she could easly have other guy going for her(and he wouldnt know that hes not the only guy interested in her) cause she basicaly leaves her options open.

Good luck with everything. Whatever happens stay calm.

[Hooo!]

well if she wants to make it permanent
part of that is making it official

not the other way round

im not sure however why she is that way. I think its strange but i wouldnt put a spoon in my eye over it.
Sometimes prople have strange conceptions when it comes to relationship.
I would be wary concerning the reason tho.
(How come she is afraid to make things "public", what does she need to get in order for her to know she is ready).

[Braytc]

well if she wants to make it permanent
part of that is making it official

not the other way round

im not sure however why she is that way. I think its strange but i wouldnt put a spoon in my eye over it.
Sometimes prople have strange conceptions when it comes to relationship.
I would be wary concerning the reason tho.
(How come she is afraid to make things "public", what does she need to get in order for her to know she is ready).

Appreciate it.
I did ask her why, and she gave me that answer , "i'm just not ready for it to be public yet. Just incase something would somehow happen and we would all the sudden stop talking to eachother, i dont want everyone seeing we break up. I want to make sure everything is for sure permanent before i start letting people put a face to the name of the guy i'm seeing"
It's just kinda making me feel a little weird right now, i don't want to like annoy her with going super deep into this, but at the same time i feel like she shouldnt get annoyed because i have a right to know these things and we should communicate exactly whats going on, but she has been barely texting me the past 2 days for whatever reason compared to before. Maybe its just coincidence idk

- - - Updated - - -

You are not being paranoid. Something is really shady about this girl. She is not telling you everything.

If relationship have to be secret you dont have to be in it.
You can love her but the way things are now - she can leave any moment and get together with another guy easy and there wont be proof that you existed cause no one knows about you. In fact she could easly have other guy going for her(and he wouldnt know that hes not the only guy interested in her) cause she basicaly leaves her options open.

Good luck with everything. Whatever happens stay calm.

It's just we've been doing things together for what i feel a while ( a month) and talking every day. It just seems ridiculous that could be whats going on, but again she gave me a pretty decent reason i guess (see my other comment).

[Hooo!]

she has got this the wrong way around.

either SHE is sure that she WANTS to work the relationship out so it works or she doesnt.
If she keeps backdoors open then that means (to me) that she is not working on the relationship with her full intent.
Maybe relationships who both or one partner doesnt work on with full intent can work out.
However I have not known a couple that left a backdoor open to actually do work out.

its not about what could happen, it is about what you both want to make happen.
I personally think she is scared to commit herself and I can understand that for various reasons.
However if you dont commit to a relationship - how do you expect it to work?

Its like if you dont commit to making music or even listening to music. Then its background noice. However if you truly want to enjoy a great piece of art you have got to devote all of your attention to it.


I would speak to her metaphorically like this - using this or other similar topics/themes.

[Braytc]

she has got this the wrong way around.

either SHE is sure that she WANTS to work the relationship out so it works or she doesnt.
If she keeps backdoors open then that means (to me) that she is not working on the relationship with her full intent.
Maybe relationships who both or one partner doesnt work on with full intent can work out.
However I have not known a couple that left a backdoor open to actually do work out.

its not about what could happen, it is about what you both want to make happen.
I personally think she is scared to commit herself and I can understand that for various reasons.
However if you dont commit to a relationship - how do you expect it to work?

Its like if you dont commit to making music or even listening to music. Then its background noice. However if you truly want to enjoy a great piece of art you have got to devote all of your attention to it.


I would speak to her metaphorically like this - using this or other similar topics/themes.

We had a very interesting conversation last night.

Am i being too pushing in wanting to know what is going on between us? I think that is something i have the right to know. It feels like she's playing a lot of games lately.
I just asked her if there's something wrong.
She said "i just have a lot going on (my name)"
I asked her, again because im a good "boyfriend", if its something she's feeling or anything she can talk to me about. Seems like an okay thing to say right?
She said "i just rather keep to myself"
I said "Are you happy with me, is it concerning us?"
She said "i dont wanna talk about this right now"
And again, i feel i have a right for her to talk this out with me and communicate with me. So i said i'd like to know.
She says "Can you stop? You know what, i think we should just be friends for now"
I told her "can i stop? i think i'm being thoughtful trying to talk things out with you. Why do you say that though?"
Then she gave me which seems to be like an 11 year old immature text "im going to sleep. Night"

I can't tell if there's games going on or what now. That literally just happened.

[pcmaster]

Basicaly there was something she didnt like or didnt feel.

Anyway she was immature about not telling whats going on. Thats not what couples do - keeping problems to yourself.

However man it seems like she basically dumped you.
She dumped you in a way my ex dumped me few days after we didnt had sex at her place(despite that she wanted) and other guy started to write to her.
[MENTION=69583]richiro[/MENTION] can you say something about this? Richiro is smart guy and he always have something good to say.
However man guys tend to break up suddenly and then have second thoughs while girls tend to let go slowly and then when they broken up they have decided. So it seems like this girl have started to break up long time ago - thats why she didnt make it official cause she wasnt sure you are the one.

Best you can do is keep living your life and have fun and dont jerk off thinking about her.

[Hooo!]

what do you expect in a relationship where she obviously has no intentions whatsoever to let you know about her emotions?

how do you expect a relationship like this to work out?

i think you are coming of too strong. Id personally treat her for what she is: a ****buddy.
if she doesnt want to make it official - for me that would be fine. It would also mean im definitely not exclusive to her
and if she had a problem which she didnt wanna talk about with me, then she could go and take it somewhere else.

but thats just me.

I would not rate your relationship as serious in any way.

[Braytc]

Basicaly there was something she didnt like or didnt feel.

Anyway she was immature about not telling whats going on. Thats not what couples do - keeping problems to yourself.

However man it seems like she basically dumped you.
She dumped you in a way my ex dumped me few days after we didnt had sex at her place(despite that she wanted) and other guy started to write to her.
[MENTION=69583]richiro[/MENTION] can you say something about this? Richiro is smart guy and he always have something good to say.
However man guys tend to break up suddenly and then have second thoughs while girls tend to let go slowly and then when they broken up they have decided. So it seems like this girl have started to break up long time ago - thats why she didnt make it official cause she wasnt sure you are the one.

Best you can do is keep living your life and have fun and dont jerk off thinking about her.

It's all said and done. My gut being "pushy" with her was just telling me she's a game player.

If you want to know everything that happened, you can read my thread here.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/616852-me-23-m-my-girlfriend-21-f-moving-dating-phase-relationship-7.html#post7258176


Basically she expected me to marry her and have a family with her a month after knowing her. So she is going with a low life guy that will.
That the bottom line tl;dr.

But read through the posts on that other forum. Very funny stuff.

Live and learn, and become better next time.

Had nothing to do with me being pushy, found out she's been "with" this guy for the same exact time she was "with" me.

- - - Updated - - -

what do you expect in a relationship where she obviously has no intentions whatsoever to let you know about her emotions?

how do you expect a relationship like this to work out?

i think you are coming of too strong. Id personally treat her for what she is: a ****buddy.
if she doesnt want to make it official - for me that would be fine. It would also mean im definitely not exclusive to her
and if she had a problem which she didnt wanna talk about with me, then she could go and take it somewhere else.

but thats just me.

I would not rate your relationship as serious in any way.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/616852-me-23-m-my-girlfriend-21-f-moving-dating-phase-relationship-7.html#post7258176

Feel free to read this forum post and the comment i left above. Funny stuff.

[pcmaster]

Ok so I read this on other forum and man I have a question. Where do you find these chicks lol?

Wanting to get married after second date.LOL thats a girl who knows what she wants. I would gladly marry a girl on second date. I have the rings.

Bu seriously seems like your girl is more in love in getting married than in guys.

[Braytc]

Ok so I read this on other forum and man I have a question. Where do you find these chicks lol?

Wanting to get married after second date.LOL thats a girl who knows what she wants. I would gladly marry a girl on second date. I have the rings.

Bu seriously seems like your girl is more in love in getting married than in guys.

You wouldn't believe the text messages i was getting 3 weeks in. Literally spamming me to marry her. Def now that i look back on this she was ACTUALLY serious about that, so im happy im moving on.

A few weeks ago im like... "Look, if you cared about me at all you would understand where im coming from here. I can't possibly marry you even if i wanted to. My parents would never , ever let that happen a month into seeing you. Can we just grow in a relationship and we'll do that later when im set up with my career and life?"

It's like wtf does she expect to do. Get married AND TALKING ABOUT KIDS while she has no job, and doesn't even go to school?
Sorry, but that sounds like a dad leaving single mom status about to happen.

[pcmaster]

Yeah thats crazy man. You should just have said - Stop fcking my mind- when she first mentioned marriage.

The girl I was seeing asked when we are getting married on 4th date while we were in bed. I said - screwing brains and she shut up imediatly.

Also the same girl said many times that she wants kid and made me feel guilty because I didnt want them. It was even before we had sex for first time. Now its okay to make clear if girl wants kids on first date or before but talking constatly about it is mind fcking and shouldnt be allowed.
Now you are younger and it shouldnt be a problem for you when when you are in your mid-late twenies it could be a deal breaker. Now Im smarter and wont let any girl to fck with my mind.

[Braytc]

Yeah thats crazy man. You should just have said - Stop fcking my mind- when she first mentioned marriage.

The girl I was seeing asked when we are getting married on 4th date while we were in bed. I said - screwing brains and she shut up imediatly.

Also the same girl said many times that she wants kid and made me feel guilty because I didnt want them. It was even before we had sex for first time. Now its okay to make clear if girl wants kids on first date or before but talking constatly about it is mind fcking and shouldnt be allowed.
Now you are younger and it shouldnt be a problem for you when when you are in your mid-late twenies it could be a deal breaker. Now Im smarter and wont let any girl to fck with my mind.

I have a feeling there's nobody like this that i will ever see again. She is a complete fairytale land and has no idea where she is. She's not even in reality

[pcmaster]

Yeah man. That could be partly because of age diference. Also she dont have to be in reality since her reality is diferent than yours. Its the guys running after her not the other way around.

Also all girls are crazy, you just find one whos crazzyness you love. Well this one is not the one. It really takes longer time than few weeks to see the bad things about girl. For me its ussualy like 2 months until I see whats wrong with girl. But yeah you really get to know the person after like one year or living together or breakup or when the way person treats you when they dont need anything from you.

[Braytc]

Yeah man. That could be partly because of age diference. Also she dont have to be in reality since her reality is diferent than yours. Its the guys running after her not the other way around.

Also all girls are crazy, you just find one whos crazzyness you love. Well this one is not the one. It really takes longer time than few weeks to see the bad things about girl. For me its ussualy like 2 months until I see whats wrong with girl. But yeah you really get to know the person after like one year or living together or breakup or when the way person treats you when they dont need anything from you.

It just doesn't give someone the right to F around like that. Then you call them out on it and they still try to defend themselves. Idk i've dated tons and tons of girls the past few years especially high school, and they were all pretty direct. I've never seen anything like this.