Problem

[Skimpy]

We broke up month ago, after 2 years of being together. It was my fault, I was an asshole, wasn’t there to give her my support, I’ve made mistakes and hurt her. Since then my life turned to hell, I’m thinking about her constantly, I can barely sleep or eat. Everyday I’m finding a reason to get up from bed and not to kill myself, this is too much pain. I love her, I love her with whole my heart, I would do anything for her, I would die for her. 2 years isn’t much and as stupid as it sounds, for me she is the one, I can’t live without her, I can’t just go on, she’s everything to me. Maybe I’ve made a mistake, but I was telling her how I feel, she told me that I’m smothering her with all of this, that I should leave her alone, I’ve asked her to give me another chance, she told me that she doesn’t want to be with me now, maybe in some time. But I just can’t wait for maybe one day, I’m in so much pain. We spend some time now and then and that’s when I feel so happy, happy that she’s there, that I’m getting what I need so much, I love looking at her, hearing her voice, specially her laugh, I’m dying to see her and spend some time. Everyday is a struggle. I started gathering money to go to her on summer(she lives in another country), but few days ago she told me that she has some other plans for summer, its killing me. She’s spending time with some other guy, its killing me as well, I’m afraid that I’ll lose her, without her I won’t have any reason to live. I’m sorry for everything I did to her, I see my mistakes and I want to right my wrongs, she’s everything to me, I just want her to give me another chance, why is it so much to ask? Why? I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so empty, helpless.

[pcmaster]

Okay so first of all this is not about what happened but about how you feel. How it affects you life and normal everyday functioning.

I been in this state too and what helped a lot was talking with volunteer counselors - samaritans. Sure you can talk with any professional like professional counselor or therapist but its important to communicate for hours and explore your feelings and find a way out of it by getting to understand yourself.
If you cant afford it then you can chat for free on 7cups.com with free listeners or betterHelp.com with professionals(one week trial and then you get charged if you dont cancel).

Then second thing that helps a lot to get mood stable and have a healthy sleep is medication - mood stabilizers and sleeping pills. Those you can get from psychiatrist.
Really helpful stuff and psychiatrist will ask you questions only to find out how you feel to know what meds you need.
Like in that song - If you ever leave me baby, I will need a whole lot of medication to realize what he had and haven't anymore.

Suicide... When person things about suicide sometimes its healthy cause you see that there is a way out. But in your case its not just healthy but also says that you are in crisis. Thats where you need professional help.
Im talking from my experience. Been in dark place and one of the biggest mistakes I did was not caring about my life and almost died from searching for adrenaline not to feel pain anymore. Things got better after I called and talked with suicide helpline.

Eat healthy at least 3 times a day. Junk food and irregular meals will only add to depression so put on alarm clock for you meals and prepare them in advance like bodybuilders. Also exercise or hard work will make it easier for your mind, cause moving body help to fight with this feeling. Gym can help pretty good first few months.
Sure keep close to your friends and family be open with them and let them help, let them know what happened. When times are hard look for bonds at friends and family. and where is bonds there is strengh.

Look at what can you do today to make things better. Good luck ! Update us with how things are going.

[Hooo!]

I would like to hear her side of the story.
I can sympathise with you tho.
However if you do not live life for yourself and start living for others it makes it difficult to love you for who you are (becoming).
You have made errors and sometimes so much that people just dont want to have anything to do with you.

Now you are not even in love with a person anymore. You dont see the person for who she really is and what she wants
you see your dream scenario and plunge after it like the alcoholic after a bottle of vodka.

I know you feel empty inside and that it sucks. One of the worst - possibly the worst - way to feel.
It will diminish in time. Especially when you love life again when you learn to forgive yourself and live again.

I would strongly suggest as said above that you go see a therapist or doctor AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (now)
and get some medication for a start.
Relax a little.
You life is going on (althoug it feels different now)
and at some point in the future - i personally guarantee it - will you be glad that you are alive and that you can love again.


I have went through it. And I can tell you: leading a life filled with love is worth the pain. Even if sometimes our love is not repeated back to us anymore. Even if it doesnt feel for you that way right now.


Also: if you want to try and get her back (which i would not advice - but regarding that you wont listen to anyone anyways) then the first thing you must do is to calm down and start feeling ok again. Its hard to fall back in love with a nearly suicidal negative ex boyfriend in anycase.
So get a move on and get positive.
Go to the doctor. Go running, do sports, sleep, scream, have sex with someone - whatever helps.

[Dynamaniac]

Hi skimpy. I'm so sorry for your pain and that you're feeling down. Change is hard, but it is also a way to grow. Learn from your mistakes in this relationship and try to remember that there are two people involved here, not just one. Relationships are a two-way street, not a one-way lane. You need to get back to you and then, maybe, you can get back the "us." Do not focus on the negative, focus on the positive. You recognize your mistakes and you're willing to change. You have grown up as a result of your actions. Time is a great healer and you both need time. Give it to her. Give it to yourself. Do you have a friend you can talk to? Maybe you can find a counselor to talk things out with. In the meantime, forgive her and forgive yourself. This pain will pass.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I think most of us can understand how you are feeling. When you are in the stage you are currently, it can be near impossible to think about things rationally. I wish I could tell you there was a magic bullet to fix it, but unfortunately only time will really help. Now, you already tried reaching out to her to rekindle things and she is not interested.... at least not YET. She's told you she's not ready right now to even think about it, she's even told you she feels smothered by it all. If you keep pushing it you almost certainly WILL lose her.

I know this is extremely hard to accept, but for now you just have to let her be and move on as though it is over for good. That isn't to say it DEFINITELY is. If you give her some time, maybe later she will be open to trying again. But, the thing is you need to let yourself heal and move on. I know this is all so much easier said than done, though, trust me. But, in time you will feel better.

Right now, you are stuck in this feeling like she is THE ONE and nobody else would ever be right for you. I think most of us can relate to that, and I think most of us have experienced that at some point in our lives. I am (or at least I always WAS in the past) a very romantic guy, so I don't mean to suggest that true love isn't special. If you can find it, it certainly IS amazing.... it's just that there isn't only one person for everybody. Sure, you can find "THE ONE," but the thing is that there are a lot of people who very well could be your "THE ONE." Despite how it would sound, there is not just one.

So, if things don't work out with this gal, that doesn't mean you've blown your chance of ever being happy, or of ever finding love. It simply means you two were not the right match after all..... but somebody IS still out there that WILL be your right match. Heck, given time maybe it will turn out that you two ARE the right match.

Right now is exactly the WRONG time to be making that sort of decision. Right now you are desperate and thinking that she is the only way you could be happy. Just like anybody else would, you deserve to be able to be happy just in and of yourself. You don't need somebody else to be happy. The ideal situation is to get to a point where you are happy with yourself and don't NEED anybody.... but you want them anyway.

Believe me, though, it is a life-time struggle. Trust me, I understand how that is SO much easier said than done. I hope I was able to help even if just a little bit. It's not an easy struggle, believe me, I know. But, trust me, in time you will feel better. In the meantime, I would definitely agree with the advice to seek out professional help if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, there are some free options you may be able to look up as well. Do not suffer alone. Sometimes we can get through things on our own, but sometimes we need a little help. There is no shame in that.

Good luck to you.

[pcmaster]

OP havent come back since he created post 6 days ago. Thats what his profile says.

[TheEvilJester]

He could be lurking without logging in so he can read what other people post in response to his thread. Who knows? Though, as I have said before, I even if/when the OP in a particular topic never comes back, there could still be other people facing a similar issue who might be interested in the advice we share intended for the OP. We have a lot of lurkers (part time and more regular) around who read this board but never post/register. So, I never worry whether or not the person who created the topic comes back or not.