Special kind of a problem

[Fuhrer]

Hello there members of a loveforum ! I am new at the forum and I just do not have any solution about my problem so I need other's opinion on it, and asking for a good suggestion about a girl that I met 3 years ago and ... well its a bit of special situation between two of us.
It will probably be a long text so, I would like you to read it and say our opinion on it. Sorry about my english, ill try my best.

So, 3 years ago I met a girl called Laura, she is a girl from germany, and between two of us is 1100km of road. That year when we met it was summer and how we met was a situation that my mother knows her mother from their childhood, so they got in touch and decided to spend whole summer together with family.
Guys/Girls I really cant describe the moment when I saw her for the first time coz .... well we all know there is no word for it.
After getting knowing each other we started to like each other, so long story short we kissed in a flat where is my and her's family where sleeping, and it was kinda "lets hide this between two of us infront of them". That lasted for 3 and half months, our relationship, I mean ... everyday when I woke up next to her I though I was in paradise lol. I can for sure say that, that was my best summer ever. It's weird you get to know that person always over the summer right?
Moving on ... they had to leave for the germany to continue their normal life, and that day was ... yea .... no comment.
I was in a depression for long 3 or 4 months coz of that, so it was sad but also started to be a little bit scary for me. Yea, in that 3 years, I was with other girls and she was with other boys, and together we "forgot" each other, but that summer is still in your head if you know what I mean, in mine and in her's it was still there, that summer of 2014.

3 years past by, and in that 3 years we weren't in contact so much, I mean coz our family call each other over the phone I would always remember her and always wanted to know what is with her, what is she doing, how is she ...
Today is 2017, and last month I send her a messsage on facebook like hi how are you, and just some normal chat between two of us, until she told me she is comming next week here for 7 days of vacation and my heart just started to pump much much faster haha. So ... when she came we arranged a coffee outside somewhere, just to talk randomly, but we couldnt find time, so the last day of her vacation she managed to come to my house, to ... talk.
When we started to talk it was a bit weird but still that feeling from a summer of 2014 was there, and I just had to admit everything to her, how I felt after she left, how I feel now etc.
In my surprise, she started to talk about that too and she admit that she was in pain as much as I was, and ... well mostly like my situation, depression, and that part is still in your head ...
We started to talk of some normal topics, and after 3h she had to leave to germany, it was kinda hard but not that much. And its a strange spark we have but all we want is "us" , and between that "us" is road of 1100km. So when she came home we talked, and talked, she would called me and I was like happy 24/7.
But when we started to talk about "what is happing with us" coz we can see each other 4 times per year, when she comes here, and that topic just started to heat up, what shall we do, how do we do this. And we both decided that long distance relationship is out of the question, coz ... I mean you need someone next to you when you are feeling lonely, or just want to kiss ur girlfriend whenever u see her, without special reason, so that long distance relationship was no.

We had an argue coz of that, and I said some stupid ****ed up shit to her, and after I said it I realized what I said to her ... and I started to apologize to her, and after 2 days she replied something like : "Since we cant do anything here, we are infront of a big wall, we have to be friends and thats is" , and I understood her, but that "friend" for me was no option, coz I cant stand next to a girl who I really really like, and tell her "hey friend" ... you know?
But I swiched my mind ON so I realized there is no other solution, we have to be in that .... friend stuff shit. She felt pretty bad too I think coz of the situation, but hey there is nothing else to do right?

Ok, so we are now in kinda "weird" situation where the chat goes in some ... lets say like "unimportant" topics, and I feel we are slowly falling away from each other second time which is hard to be honest.
And yes, I know that "If you like someone, let them go" but ... its hard to think that we will both have each other in our head and still cant do anything about it. We agreed that it would be so cool that we are together, she next to me or I next to her, but ... life is shit, and its just a thing that we have to realize that nothing will be for next 2 years again. She said that she is thinking of comming to study in my city as a student, but that would happen 2 years from now, and its like 50:50 chances that happens.

So my question to you is, what to do? Its just hard to know that that person is really good on you, you really really like it, but you cant do anything about it.
What to do guys?

[TheEvilJester]

I wish I could offer more optimistic advice. Unfortunately, though, I think you both know what to do already. Understandably, though, I think neither of you really wants that to be the answer. Believe me, I can understand that as much as I am sure most can. However, that much distance can make a relationship nearly impossible. Long distance relationships certainly CAN work.... but they so rarely do. It just gets to be too hard. Relationships require a level of closeness, a level of togetherness, that you just cannot get over such a long distance. Sure, in this day and age we have Facetime, Skype, text messages, stuff like that. There's is also the good old-fashioned phone call. But, none of that is really good enough. In a relationship, you want to be able to hold each other. To touch each other. To be face to face live and in person.

If your long distance situation was likely to change sometime in the near future, that might be a different story. For example, if within a year or so you two could somehow plan to live closer to each other, maybe that could work out. The thing is, you seem to be saying nothing is likely to change for at least two years.... and even then that is pretty iffy. Not to mention, even if she DOES come study near you in two years.... what happens after her studies conclude? Would she go back home, or might there be a way for her to stay closer?

Either way, right now it does sound like it would be best (for you both, really) to just move on. Let each other go. I know that is very sad, and not what either of you wants, but it may be for the best. Please keep in mind, of course, that is just my advice. You two may decide you can try to make it work, and if so then please do what makes you feel best. However, my personal advice would be it is best just to let go for now. In time, you never know where the world may take you both. Maybe you two would eventually be closer and could revisit things then. But, for now, it may be best for you both to allow yourselves to be open to find love that is actually closer to you.

Good luck to you either way. I wish you the best. If I could make a wish for you, it would be for you two to be able to be close enough to explore this.... but failing that I hope you are both at least able to move on and love whether that is with each other or not.

[Fuhrer]

Fu*ck, you are right ... thanks for the advice

[Hooo!]

ldr in my humble oppinion is worth every painfull minute
IF both partners want it there is a way
but only if you have an outlook of being together.

If you want to be together and you really love each other you can. But you must pay the price.


ot be even more frank: what stops you from just packing your things and go living where she is at?
you both have a decision to make.
wait and see where it goes in the meanwhile go your own ways
come together and make plans when you can be together
pay the price and just be together.

[Fuhrer]

Well what keeps me from leaving my country and going to hers is my life at first, coz I applied for police acadamy and other reason is language, I dont know german to live there + I cant just come and say "hey I will live here from now on..."
We are talked and still are talking on whatsapp and we agreed that is best situation to be friends ... for now. Yeah, it wasnt my plan but still what else to do haha, we both dont want distance relationship ... as u said, pay the price and eat a pile of shit.

[Hooo!]

I cant just come and say "hey I will live here from now on..."

this is where you are wrong.
its not that you physically cant - you simply dont want to.

[Fuhrer]

O believe me I want to, but I cant ... I just cant haha, as I said I applied for police acadamy, I dont know german ... I ... I cant dude :/ but if I could, **** yea I woud, without any problem.

[Hooo!]

is there anyone who would legally or physically pursue you if you were to move away? If there is: what would you need for this to change?



you can cancel your police academy. you can cancel everything.
its just that you dont want.
hell if i wanted i could just quit my job and move to meet you.
its just that i dont want to.