GF secretly moved out!

[twooddtrees]

SO me and my GF were living together, things seemed great. Thursday night we went out and she was telling me how great she felt about us, she loved me, etc... Next morning she tells me she loves me hugs kisses and all of that. I come home from work and she is gone. Everything was gone. Just a not saying she needed to go live 60 miles away with her sister's family and work on being a better mom and herself, but she still wants to date me. WTF!!??

She claims it was not planned and it was sudden after hearing her son got hurt in school.

Now I felt like this was planned. She has extreme ADD, she can not do anything without making a mess or forgetting half of it. With this move out, she did it fast and did not miss a thing, cleaned up and re-organized everything. She even did all the laundry and put it all away nicely. She never did anything so well.

Thoughts? I think the dating still thing is BS. SHe left, did not talk to me, if it was planned she lied to me, if it wasnt this is a severe mental issue then.

What do you think?

[pcmaster]

Post title is funny. But if she moved out without saying anything then it sounds something that crazy person would do.

Dating would be crappy with 60 miles in betwwen . Especialy after you lived together, so yeah better end it. Find someone local and problem solved. Tinder is good dating app on phone cause you can see distance of the person.

[CleanCut]

SO me and my GF were living together, things seemed great. Thursday night we went out and she was telling me how great she felt about us, she loved me, etc... Next morning she tells me she loves me hugs kisses and all of that. I come home from work and she is gone. Everything was gone. Just a not saying she needed to go live 60 miles away with her sister's family and work on being a better mom and herself, but she still wants to date me. WTF!!??

She claims it was not planned and it was sudden after hearing her son got hurt in school.

Now I felt like this was planned. She has extreme ADD, she can not do anything without making a mess or forgetting half of it. With this move out, she did it fast and did not miss a thing, cleaned up and re-organized everything. She even did all the laundry and put it all away nicely. She never did anything so well.

Thoughts? I think the dating still thing is BS. SHe left, did not talk to me, if it was planned she lied to me, if it wasnt this is a severe mental issue then.

What do you think?

Damn man, yea that is pretty crazy she is ether playing you on for attention and doesn't really want to be with you (meaning it was planned for some time) or she is just really loony. Ether way, I would probably be looking for a new GF if I were you.

[TheEvilJester]

I agree with the others. I could maybe understand her feeling she needs to be there for family..... but she should have at least talked to you about this before just up and deciding to move 60 miles away...... But oh! I still totally want to be in a relationship with you.

Uh huh. Relationships take communication. Apparently she didn't feel the need to communicate to you that she was going to be going so far away. Instead, she felt it would be better just to disappear behind your back. Personally, my gut reaction would be that she did NOT care... that she does not have a sincere bone in her body. I mean, is it possible she is actually just that spontaneous and thoughtless... but doesn't intend it to be hurtful? Sure, that is possible. I find it much more likely that she is just selfish and doesn't give a crap.... but it is certainly possible she is just the act first and think later (if at all) type of person.

Frankly, best case scenario, let's pretend it is exactly that..... Honestly, were I you I would still ponder if that is somebody I want in my life anyway. Even if she had the best of intentions, had no intention of hurting you, wants with her full heart to still be with you..... I, myself, would still find it too hard to be with somebody who could be that fickle. I need stability in my life/in a partner. How can you build a future with somebody who could suddenly decide tomorrow that they want a completely different future?

None of us can tell you what to do. So, if you don't wish to lose her then you can certainly give the long distance thing a try. So, if that is what feels right to you then that is what you should do. Though, if you do, the only thing I'd say is please do so with a healthy understanding of what you feel is needed to make it work.... and please do so caring enough about yourself to end it if it just does not work out. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

[breathe123]

Thing that bothers me about this is she didn't let you say goodbye, she snuck off on you. Do you do that to a person you love? I don't think so, there is a thing called respecting a person you care about, she failed to do that with you.
Obviously she had help moving out, it was definitely preplanned.

[melancholia]

I think it could have worked if she talked to you about it rather than moved out while you were out of the house. I understand her need to help her family, but she said she needs to work on being a better mom and herself... what exactly does that mean? I don't think she is capable of having a healthy, mature relationship at this point and she needs time to sort her thoughts out. It's not fair to you to be kept in the dark about what's going on in her mind, and it sounds like this whole relationship is a lot more work than it should be. I agree it sounds like this was planned but she was too scared to be honest, so she lied and said it was spur of the moment. I think it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship and take a look at what you are putting into it and what you are getting out of it, and think about whether or not you are happy in this relationship. Maybe take this time to reflect on your own needs right now and talk to her when you're ready.

[richiro]

how long between when she moved out and told you what happened? did you have to get a hold of her or did she get a hold of you? is anything missing from the house? did she steal anything or take anything she sholn't have?

actually.. when it comes to single moms and their kids and something happening at school - it may not be so crazy. especially if all is on the up-n-up and nothing was removed form your house or stolen. dont' under-estimate the maternity instinct in females with young kids (and their first kids) - especially young first mothers! It actually didn't come off as weird to me...

UNLESS
you were already starting to thnk she was "off" or somethign wasn't quite right with her BEFORE this happened
if something is afoul in what was left behind (stolen items, etc.)
if you had to drag out of her what and why happened
unless she had an ex- she spoke about and they recently broke up before you two started seeing each other
unless she started living with you b/c she "needed a place" to stay or you had offere to help her in some way but letting her stay with you

unless there is something like that.. i still thnk it COULD be legit... doesn't mean it is.. but there is a chance.

[TheEvilJester]

This isn't like they were on a date, but she left when she found out about her son. She up and left.... 60 miles away... without even so much as a word to him. So, yeah, that's NOT normal, and that's NOT just "maternal instinct." Yes, if the story about her son is true then she certainly should have done whatever she can to take care of him.

I'm realizing reading his story that I'm not sure if I understood one aspect correctly or just assumed. Maybe the OP can clarify if the son was living with her/them or at least in that area, or was he leaving in the area 60 miles away? I assumed the son was close to her, and her moving 60 miles away was to remove him from the situation at the school where they were. Which is completely ridiculous when there would be a million ways to deal with it without moving him so far away. Move to a different school in the same area. Move to a nearby area that would have a different school. Just two examples.

If perhaps I misunderstood and the son actually already lived the 60 miles away.... frankly, that just opens up a whole new set of questions. Why didn't he live with his mother in the first place? Why would her son live so far from her?

Anyway, that is mostly beside the point. The point is, even if moving so far for the sake of her son WAS the right thing to do.... doing it so suddenly and without even at least telling him before was not. I don't know the circumstances of what happened to her son, but I cannot imagine any reason why she'd need to leave that suddenly without even being able to tell the person she supposedly loves so much that she needs to go. Moves take some time and preparation, even just in the act of having to pack all your crap. Yet she didn't even have the common courtesy to even just call him and tell him what was going on.

[Hooo!]

are you serious? or seriously trolling?

that doesnt even make any sense.
have you been hurting or hitting or abusing her or her kids?
are you getting angry and yelling or otherwise being violent?
do you drink or have other addictions?
is she scared of you?

[twooddtrees]

No her son did not live with us. He is 60 miles away. He came a couple of weekends and then dad got mad and...oh well
No her son and I got along well. I offered to help her work out a plan to see him more often and so on.
She said no. Yes she left her son to move in, but I understood she would keep up visitation and she didn't.

[pcmaster]

Good luck with everything man. Really seems like she preferred to be with her kid and didnt said you anything because didnt wanted to be hold back or didnt wanted to listen in you trying to reason with her.

[Hooo!]

there is something that you are not aware of or have not told us.
id bet 20 bucks on it

[twooddtrees]

What are you talking about?

[Hooo!]

your story makes no sense whatsoever

people dont just randomly secretively move out.
if they have a reason for it they share that reason with you in before and discuss it - if they want you to be part of that discussion.+


the move out was not planned? ye sure. cant call you or drop you a note or whatever.
your whole story is missing information. there is something you do not get.

and to top it all she cant have done that alone.
you cant just move out in 8 hours without help and cleaning everything.
this was planned in advance and not "suddenly"
if its not suddenly its not due to her son (which would be doubtfull anyhow)

which means you are missing information.

[twooddtrees]

Well thats kind of my point here. No there was no warning, it was fast. She swears it was sudden, and still wants to be my gf. It is bizarre and makes no sense. So point here is, affirmation I guess, to not take her back.

It was a huge ahock, but I am seeing now that ahe did me a favor. If you or anyone can imagine a reason that what she did is ok, or she could possibly deserve a 2nd chance I would love to hear it.