Partner is confused

[myles983]

My reaction is justified; I love her and she doesnt love me, therefore im only going to cause issues by sticking around, because being "best friends" isnt sonething that ever works after a relationship. Tried it with a previous ex and it made everything last twice as long.
She said she wants to be alone and find herself, yet she still wants to be my best friend? If she wants to be alone, fine, but i dont need to keep in touch with her for her to accomplish that. Hence, for me to get anywhere close to considering a friendship, i need to take some time apart from it all. Make sense?

[Hooo!]

no

it doesnt make sense. its not that i cant understand you.
But how do you know she doesnt love you?
its just you lack in the physical intimacy area of your relationship
you are passive

instead of using this critique to be a better version of yourself you are continuing to stay unintimate and passive. And that makes no sense to me.

i do not understand how you IF you still love her
AND you want to continue learning and bettering yourself
how you cannot use this to your advantage

For me love is something that is beautiful but sometimes hurt
and when it hurts you FIGHT for it.
instead of backing away from it.

You concretely know what to do and how to make your relationship work
i dont understand what keeps you from actually doing it.
you are hurt allready. i dont see trying to fight making it worse

hell its probably even what your girl wants
to show her reall affection.
but you pass.
and that to me doesnt make any sense at all.

[myles983]

Ive tried Hooo, let me explain:

She bought up that she didnt quite love me the same at around christmas time, and it hurt so much that i sat her down and spoke through her with everything she felt could have changed that. Then we set about putting stuff into place, generating ideas, fighting for us.
I thought it was getting better, because she seemed much happier in herself and that made me happy too. And then a couple of weeks ago, she said that she was still feeling that way. With the distance between us, it was difficult for me to see her, and she was struggling with her workload, so put off seeing me too when i suggested it.
The night before we broke up, i drove the 30 mile trip to her, having been working all day from 7:30 to 18:30, and took some flowers with me too, fighting for our love. She appreciated it, but she kept doubting it, since we had had several conversations over the previous few days about breaking up, and i fought through every one of those too to keep her.
The night after we broke up, i called her, again fighting for our relationship, asking for her to see things from my perspective and trying to understand what she meant by "i want to be on my own to deal with shit for a while". To me, if you want to better yourself, isnt it a better idea to have that one person that you know is going to remain a constant regardless of how things turned out? You know, to cushion the blow when you attempt something and it doesn't go right, despite the fact they saw it coming but wanted you to experience it so that you can learn from it.
I tried for 2 weeks to fight for us, and all its come to now is her wanting to be my best friend. I saw her mum on Sunday (im still good friends with her brother and was helping him garden) and she said that she'd had a conversation with her, and Grace had said that if i was to get hurt, she'd be the first one there to help me.
I feel like she doesnt know what she wants right now, and i love her enough to have tried everything to get her back, but sit back and let her do what she wants. So thats my next tactic. If in a months time she comes back to me and wants to try and work things out, im open to that. But it wont be easy for her to earn my trust back, and this is me being less passive and more assertive, taking what ive realised (and been told) and trying to make something of it.
Ive tried talking to her about the entire thing and being more assertive (going up to see her and making her see how much she means to me), yet it didnt work because i feel she truly doesnt love me anymore.
She did this to a guy before me, and i helped to defuse the situation between them; he was being aggressive and disgusting, and she just wanted be friends. I talked to him explaining she would be more than happy to be friends with him, providing he no longer shouted abuse at her.
So me cutting all contact isnt being passive, its me trying to give her what she wants, or think she wants, for the time being. Ill always love her, and i cant force her to love me if she truly doesnt, and i dont think she does.
I think she also fails to see that love isnt just a feeling; you fall in and out of love with significant others all the time. Its the actions after these events that show love. And with me being her first long term boyfriend, maybe she doesn't realise this.
I have fought, and it got me no-where. So this is me listening to what she said she wants, in an attempt to give her what she wants because i love her. Whether or not she sees that, i wont know until the time comes, but i do love her. From the depths of my being. And i will do whatever it takes to make her happy. In this instance, its letting her strike out on her own.

[Hooo!]

now it does make sense.

you know instinctively the 120% rule
after you think you cant take it anymore and you have allready given her 100% of your devotion
go the extra mile. Do another 20%
If that isnt enough

then your being sensible.
Cut contact. Let her realise what exactly she is missing. And sometimes that is what really does the trick and makes people realise how much they love you.
This happened to me, when i was not in love with my wife anymore. I didnt quite knew the difference between being in love and loving someone deeply then.
And we almost broke up then, because i wasnt "feeling it" anymore.
I was dumb then, but after 2 days i realised that i just could not live without her and i then discovered the difference between deep love and having a crush on someone.

maybe the same will happen here. maybe it wont.
But if you have allready gone the extra mile i understand why you want to cut contact. And it actually makes sense to me.

[myles983]

Thanks for taking the time to read what put. Its been 3 weeks now, and judging from what ive heard from speaking to her mum, shes focusing on getting top marks in her uni studies.
If i throw myself back into the mix, she will most likely lose that drive, and i know how much her degree means to her, so im not getting involved.
So im letting her come to me, because i know this is still hurting her, even now, but since i love so much, even if we never get back together or talk again, i want her to have learned something from this experience at the very least.

[Hooo!]

Wow. She sure has missed something with you. Wonderful attitude

However you must learn to also communicate that attitude in tgr small ways and especially physically
And then boost your bedroom skills and variety a little
Forplay a lot
Seduce her mentally
Apply PDF

If u need more explicit resources u can hit me up and I'll see if I can dig something up via pm

[myles983]

If things were to pick back up with her, id definitely be diferent.
Thanks for the support, its appreciated.

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Different*