A Long Time-A-Coming?

[WingedTaurus]

I have a family friend who is 10 years younger than me but we've known each other since I was in my teens (I'm 45 now). Over the years, I sensed he might be attracted to me from subtle signs but he's been the type to always be in a long-term relationship and almost always had a girlfriend with him at family gatherings. I really never thought about it, just blew it off when the thought crossed my mind that he might have a thing for me. Quick history: he got divorced over a year ago and has been dating another woman since (FYI... he usually dates women who are about 10 years younger than himself, as far as I know) and lived with her for about 6 months but is back on his own even though they are still seeing each other. About a month ago, I texted him to wish him a happy holiday and he revealed to me that he has always been attracted to me. He opened with asking me if I was seeing anyone and I told him I wasn't interested in being involved because it was just easier. So he asked, "have you ever thought about having someone on the back burner for when you just wanted to fulfill needs?"
I responded to his flirts in a cautious manner, enjoying the attention. He kept texting me each day thereafter for 2 weeks, and after a few days of this, I opened up to him, all via text and non sexy pics... at first. He was very open with his feelings, telling me he'd had "intense feelings" for me for a while, even since he was a teen, and said that I was his girlfriend in one comment but it was said jokingly. On several occasions, he said that he would want to keep our relationship going "for as long as possible." I kept being very cautious throughout this, though I was still openly flirtatious, just cautious with my wording and not responding to his texts right away, though not all day or anything as I don't keep my phone by me at all times, and I usually let him be the one to initiate texts, though not always.
Okay, so here's the thing. We live 2 hours apart. I told him I'm okay with a casual relationship, even though his choice of wording when he would bring up the future kept leading me to believe he might want something more. I'm very slow to let myself be all lovey though. Due to his finances, he's without transportation right now (he lives close to work) so he's not able to come see me. I was very upfront that I could come see him but I wasn't going to. I was open about what I wanted, which was a FWB who I can see regularly and can keep it 50/50. So I pretty much demanded that he would have to come see me first because I wanted to know that he was going to be able to do that and that I wasn't going to be the one delivering a booty call. He expressed that he wanted to be the one to come see me first too, and said he was working on it. I didn't bring it up anymore, but admittedly, I got very impatient and out of the blue I told him that he didn't have to text me everyday, that I knew he had his interests invested elsewhere and that that was fine as we said it was going to be casual... well, I did but he's the one with a gf. I told him it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him but that he was saying things that were indicative of more serious intent and that if we were at that point, I'd be fine with it, but at the time, it confused me.
I kind of felt like he said those things because he thought that's what I wanted to hear or that he was so used to being that way with the younger women and having them eat it up (not to stereotype all young women). So I told him I thought it would be better if we didn't contact each other unless we want to get together. He responded, "Fair enough." Now in my experience, he can be shy and has a tendency to keep his emotions inside though he has always been affectionate, like giving good hugs, shoulder massages (maybe that was just with me at times), but like being a good dad too. But he does have a tendency to withdraw and be quiet.
So, I'm not a post happy person on FB but over the next 2 weeks, the few posts I made, he liked on FB, so I felt like he wasn't mad at me for being so coarse. I didn't give him anything though, no texts, no pics, no likes on social media. So, I called my mom on mother's day and she happened to be visiting his mother, and he happened to be there with his gf. I casually said to tell them all Hi. The next morning he's back with a "Hey there sexy!!!" text. Okay, I'm wrapping this up... so we chatted and I told him I'd been cold because I'd just wanted to clear my head and think about things> I told him I wanted to know that he truly wanted to go forward with me as a FWB because I wasn't getting to see action on his part so I had my doubts and I know that when a man wants something, he'll make it happen. I asked him what he wanted but he seemed to avoid the question. He said that what I wanted wasn't unreasonable and that he can handle it and he was planning to come see me. He hasn't texted much since then and so now I'm wondering if I've pushed him too far away. Am I being too cold and demanding? I'm not really that way, but I've been I've done the one sided thing too many times. Also, it bothers me that we don't talk on the phone (I'm older generation, he's younger so I take that into consideration), but I feel like he's mass texting sexy pics and all to lots of women, just because I know he's not satisfied with his current gf and he's never gone without having a woman around so I figure he's always got one waiting in the wings. Okay, I'm done! Thanks for any insight to his feelings and intentions because I'm so confused!

[Hooo!]

i fail to see the problem
sorry

i dont understand what exactly you want.
at one point you say you want fwb ONLY and then you complain about him having a girlfriend and other girls in line (as if that mattered)
if you want to speak more on the phone then call him
if you want to know what he is feeling then talk to him and pay attention.

[WingedTaurus]

i fail to see the problem
sorry

i dont understand what exactly you want.
at one point you say you want fwb ONLY and then you complain about him having a girlfriend and other girls in line (as if that mattered)
if you want to speak more on the phone then call him
if you want to know what he is feeling then talk to him and pay attention.

Thanks for the viewpoint. But what I want to know is do men who talk like this just say this stuff for the heck of it because I've never known someone to say the things he's said unless they mean to back it up. And he still may mean to, but I don't know if that's just the thing with the way sexting is and all that. Also, I didn't complain about other women, only that I worry he might be into the habit of talking like this with all women. I simply pointed out that this was supposed to be FWB but I keep getting the impression he wants more, but then he backs off. You didn't tell me anything I haven't already told myself but none of it helps to clear up the confusion. I want to know if I may have been too harsh with telling him I didn't want him expressing himself that way and if it seemed genuine. That's why I'm in ASK MALE because I want a man's perspective on how normal it is to text such emotional intent and talk about the future, or is that just something common for guys to do. I know it varies from P2P, and keep in mind that we've known each other most of our lives.

[Hooo!]

wether or not its harsh or not doesnt matter.
you set too much store at what others think.
and what random males on an internet forum think about this doesnt help you any further. Maybe some will say it was harsh while others will say it is ok. But neither answer can clear the "confusion".
You are a grown up female who communicates parts of what she wants directly and openly.
There are men who can deal with this and there are men who cant.


I just wonder what exactly YOU want your future with this man to be like?

[WingedTaurus]

wether or not its harsh or not doesnt matter.
you set too much store at what others think.
and what random males on an internet forum think about this doesnt help you any further. Maybe some will say it was harsh while others will say it is ok. But neither answer can clear the "confusion".
You are a grown up female who communicates parts of what she wants directly and openly.
There are men who can deal with this and there are men who cant.


I just wonder what exactly YOU want your future with this man to be like?

Thanks for the input. That is true, that I'm seeking different thoughts from random people, but part of the reason why I'm doing that is because I, myself, am not sure what I want my future to be like with him. If I knew he was sincere, then I would want to explore more with him, but I don't know that until, like you said, I ask him or talk to him about it.

[Hooo!]

What exactly is keeping you from asking him and talking about it?

Also you have told him you only want fwb which is not totally correct. This MAY lead to him to hold back
Or it may be exactly what he wants.
However I would correct that then
It's not that you were harsh that's the problem
The problem is that what you said just isn't true

[WingedTaurus]

Not entirely true... as I have done FWB and enjoyed it very much but I didn't have the history with them that I do with this guy. So, yes, I am interested in seeing where it goes and feel like he could be a good match for me emotionally, physically, and intellectually. As of now, I took your advice and told him that I hoped it could turn into more once we do start actually seeing each other, and I apologized for being so cold before. He was very responsive and even told me that he has feelings for me. Things seem to be moving in a good direction. Thanks for the help!