short storys about me

[flowerbom]

Were should i begin. I hope you never read this. Because i whis you happy and because my words are trash. While her words are beautifull, how she is doing that? She and i. I am stupid because of my stupid actions. I am simple because i have no hobby and a underappreciated job. I cant even be myself if some people talk to me. I am not so smart as she is. Nog good as she is. She is perfect. Even her face is in symmetry while my face is NOT. And so on.

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I think you are like an open wound. A deep open wound. When i think i get over you i realise i love you. Its crazy because its 15 years ago when i saw you for the last time.

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I know you hate me. At least sometimes. Because of my stupid behaviour. But i think you dont realise i am doing that not on purpose. I just dont realise the consequentions at that moment. Its stupid, but i am stupid.

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I dont know why i write this all. I dont know, because i knew that if you read this you gonna hate me more. I just knew that.

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I really really hope you never read this. Because of what i have to say now. When i wake up this morning i realise this love isnt only like a deep wound that opens often. But this love felt like home. Maybe its sounds stupid but i forget all my lovers except you. When one has gone it dasnt hurt me or maybe a couple hours and then i forget but you i never forget. Its allways you after a long journey that i came to.

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I am sorry for writing this. And i think i am the loser again. Because i knew you gonna hate me more after reading this. Because its a forbidden feeling.

[flowerbom]

One day in my life i was strong. Just one moment in my life i was strong and read your answer. Between the lines i read i hate you and you dont exist to me anymore. I didnt know how to feel because i allways knew it. I must move on its indeed to long time ago.

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On the other side it dasnt matter how you think about me. I am just who i am and thats fine to me. I dont like to write this all. I really dont but what i must do to those feelings inside me? Just let them dye as i once did? But you know. I have learned one lesson from it, it dont disappear, its just a wound there in my heart. So i decide to write this shit. I am sorry, i hope you really dont mind. The last thing i will is to ruined your life. And this writing it feels like a burden, a great sin and not as relieve.

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I had one wish for myself and that is that i wish i was not born. Because i did everything wrong were goodness is and i handle soft where i must handle harsh. One life could ruined a thousands life. And that person i am.

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I still had that wish because every place where i came there is trouble because of me. And the stupieds of all i didnt that on purpose.

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Maybe its time to say the last goodbye and stop writing shit. Because i felt so guilty. People say i am a whitch, a bitch, a rude person, selfish. But they dont realise that i am so stupid that most of time i really dont know what i am doing. They think i didnt care. But once i realise how much they hurt i take care of them in my heart. And thats why i whis you dont read this and thats why i wish i was not born. Because it hurts me to.

[flowerbom]

It begins with a dream. A dream that you loved me. Uhh. I asked you and you say yes its treu. But that was a long time ago.


I am scared. I allways been scared. I dont know of its normal of that i am to high sensitive. Now i am scared about my future. I think one day i became depressed and that i turned into you and you in me. How i can handle a depression in Gods sake.

But we all dont now. Maybe tommorow were gone of we forget this shit.

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I miss school and the old days when i was young and innocent. When i play the whole day and when i write in my dairry how about stupid feelings that across my heart that day. Because i was not only the happiest girl of my time but also the most sensitive.

At high school things are changed. I miss my old self from primary school. I miss her, what was going wrong? I was bulliyng. I, the most sensitive girl became a girl without one feeling. I fellt nothing but my stummich. Then one day he came in my life. Thanks dad. Things are getting worser. Because i was ugly and nothing. Then our last goodbye. It really hurts me. Still now.

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Hmm. College was a hell. I was nothing. Not even air. What was going on me? I was still bullying. The happiest girl with flowers in her eyes become empty. Every day was a day how i survive without pain. Because pain was my biggest enemy. So i say to myself things are going better, one day. but nothing changed. It was getting worser and worser. One day after many years of pain i realise that i must working for happyness. Now i am happy but also knew that pain is a part of life that whe must didnt ignore. Rather, i still ignore and fly away from things i hate. Thats the different from you and me.

[flowerbom]

Allways running for my life. Where did i go. I have learn to live in my head. Because in my head things became how i want. But thats the past. I cant imagine anymore that i life once like that. Now i am running. Running from nowhere to paradise but it still seems nowhere. I cant life in the moment. But even i look never behind me. I allways live in the future and thats were i am running to. But times get slowly at that way, and things arent changed, i only became older.


I had eyes that sees everything. A mouth that says everything. Ears that hear anything. Legs that go everywhere. But things changed. I had eyes that are blind. A mouth that whispers. Ears that i cover. Legs that only knew home. All that years i was missing myself. The beautifull girl i once was. I still miss her.

Now i am old. Its unbelieveable how time fly. Yesterday i was a flower and now i am piece of the big universe. I am not missing but still i miss myself.

I wish i had your problems. Because mine are bigger.

Ps. Please dont read this shit.

[flowerbom]

Funny how different we are. We are like day and night. Its seems weird. But the only time i am proud of myself was that i allways run for life, even i know i dont live life not intense. I left the past behind me and seek another activity. Most of time it works. Sometimes i feel just butterflys and dont know how to handle all my emotions. Like now. I want to fly, to never go back aigan. But i cant. Its such a long time ago that i cant anymore. Is what they say treu? That hidden your emotions one day after many years it comes back?

I have once read about hidden your emotional life is like a pan with water. Once the cover begins to shaken because of the warmth. Of the steam. I think thats the reason i write this shit. Becaue lying in my bed i feel the overwhelmed emptyness and dont know what to do.

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I know once once a long time ago i was a flower, i was myself. i was happy and say what i was thinking. I was allways dancing because of the intense joy i feel. Allways laughing and talking. Even i was a kid i knew people are jellous of me. Everything changed at the age of 13. I hate that number. Where it did come wrong with me? Why i became who i became? If i was just realise. Just realise that i was not live life. But i didnt.

[flowerbom]

I realize i never fight for something. How can i if most things doesnt exist to me. But its not only that. Its more lazyness and think tommorow would be better.

I really really dont understand how you can claim people. Spread your wings out and see if they follow you. Me, it doesnt matter to me what you doing. Because i was allways on my own. And its treu that people allways follow me and not i follow them. Thats me.