I feel dead

[Feelinworthless]

I feel so dead inside like a walking zombie. Started dating this animal in Nov 2016 before that things were casual & friendly. Before I had sex with him he looked me in my eyes & promise that he would never hurt me. By December he had sex with someone else, I forgave him. In January he got into a car accident picked him up from the hospital then brought him to a court house as he left his phone in the car, I went through it & saw he was messaging other women. We stopped dating after that, but had sex once in February. After that the only form of contact we had from each other was snapchat cuz I changed my number. Ever since February until June we never seen each other. But we would occasionally flirt & he would tell me how he missed me & etc... since February he's been trying to have sex with me again. At first i was for it & he would always cancel in me. After 2-3 months of his games I told him no that we should work on a friendship. He said ok he was ok with it. One week later he sends me video on snap jerking off. When I recently seen the vid I told him I was shocked and didn't show much interest in the vid he sent. I then asked if he wanted to meet up to talk. When the time came for us to talk & I messaged him, he said to me," I don't want to lead you on." I asked him to explain. He said "I'm not interested in picking up were left off, I just wanted to ****." I was so hurt & frustrated I admitted to him I was falling in love with him at beginning of the year & how could he hurt someone who had his back. He said to me, "Don't say all that, I didn't do you wrong." I sent him more messages abt how hurt I was & he began to ignore me. So I said goodbye & blocked him the next day. I wish he would've just killed me. I did so much, gave so much to that man, & for him to tell me that he just wanted to **** Me & he's not interested in me... I felt like I wanted to drop dead. How can somebody say something like that to someone? It's so hard for me to believe that this was his character all along. I feel betrayed, useless, worthless, like he threw me away like trash. Even after that it took everything in me to block him. I can't stop crying, took the day off work yesterday, here at work now just keep crying. I wish I was dead already cuz if I was I wouldn't be feeling this excruciating pain....

[WiltedRose]

Ho love I really feel for you what a waste of space! I can imagine what you are going through you must feel so used and hurt after all you have invested into the relationship!!! But he's not worthy and things will never change, how people treat you speaks volumes about them not you!! You are so worthy keep strong get some support speak to friends or free listeners don't suffer in your own a problem shared and all that!


Big hugs Hun you're better then him xx

[Snow White]

This may sound crazy to you, but that was the best and most honest thing that guy could have said to you!! There was someone on here that had a guy telling her they were soulmates, but yet didn't want ant commitment. Seriously, I have to give him credit. In your fragile condition, he could have easily strung you along and used you.

He did show you his true colors right in the beginning by cheating on you. Is it really that hard for you to believe that was his character all along when that is exactly what he showed you? What is sad is, you made him out to be something he simply wasn't. All the signs were there. You stopped dating. You were only flirting with each other and you actually agreed that you were interested in having sex again. The video wasn't classy, but no surprise.

You need to ask yourself why you would give so much and do so much for a man who was unfaithful to you? Woman to woman, I don't want to sound insensitive, but unless you figure out why you allow yourself to be used, you will continue to fall for the same types of guys. Like I said, there are guys who will NOT be that up front with you.The fact that it was still hard for you to block him says a lot about your self esteem.

[Feelinworthless]

**** him & his credit! Where were those words from him when he introduced me to his entire family earlier this year after he slept with someone else ? Where were those words when he used to play with my head calling me by his last name & I would tell him not to do that? Where were those words when I would spend weeks without talking to him & he would see me post tell me how he missed me & I would say your saying those things just to get in my pants And he would say "no I actually really miss you" on different occasions this year! He's been using me since January this year & at the times he needed me I was always there! He's never talked to me like that before. Where were those words when in the March I opened up to him any how I felt & he lead me on asking to meet up with me when I was prepared to walk away. So that honesty crap flew right out the window cuz he's been stringing me along all year. He sent that trash vid after I told him we should just remain friends, then continued to flirt with me & send stuff. So for him to say those painful words it was uncalled for since he agreed to is just being friends. He hasn't been "upfront" with me. Yes I'll own up to my mistakes & say I didn't have to respond to him or earlier in the year agree to have sex with him, or should've realized he was playing with me. Of course I blame myself too! But I cared so much for this kid, he was as more than someone I dated I seriously thought we had a real friendship because we had so much chemistry. I was blind, I chose to only seee nothing but the best in him idk I believed in him so much... As for blocking him, I was hard cuz I'd never thought when we first met looking to now I never thought we'd be like this or him like that..

[lovemenot]

I have to agree with Snow White. And I am the one she mentioned to who a guy said that we are very similar souls, but he still doesn't want a commitment...
Your guy did you a favor telling you that. He's been stringing you along far too long and at least finally told you the truth. It must have been terrible to hear that and I honestly can't imagine that pain to read such words from someone you cared so much. but at least now you know the truth. It's always much better to know the harsh truth, than to keep guessing what if... At least now you can move on with your life and try and forget him. And this pain will end one day. You just have to stay strong.
I am still stuck in a rut with my guy and even though we talk openly and are staying friends, but I can't stop guessing what's really going on and all the what ifs... You are not alone being so blind and believing someone so much.

[Feelinworthless]

Thank you Lovemenot. It was pretty painful & still is. I'm trying to stop myself from being in denial. Even though I'm extremely hurt and this situation consumes my mind pretty heavily, apart of me is happy that I finally officially kicked him out of my life for good by blocking him. I won't ever have to worry about seeing him, talking to him or anything to do with him ever again in my life. There's no going back from this hurtful pain that he caused me. He's officially dead to me. I still wonder what he's doing at times &etc... but hopefully that too will pass one day. I wish I was completely over him.

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Also Lovemenot coming from the situation I just came from, it's not going to work out as friends with your guy especially since your still attached to him. Save yourself the heart ache that I went through and just end things officially before they get worse. Release that hold he has over you and begin the healing process.... that's what I'm trying to do.

[lovemenot]

thank you [MENTION=85864]Feelinworthless[/MENTION]
I am trying to to let him go and set myself free from him. But even though I finally have some closure and I am starting to get over him, I still hope we will be together in the end. I can't even imagine someone else I could be so much in love with or someone I could have such connection with and who would fit me so well.
Probably it's really the only reason I am trying to stay friends with him, cause I still hope it will one day turn into something more.
But maybe you are right it's not healthy at all and I should just try to forget him and move on. And start believing like Snow White said somewhere that I am worth of so much more... But it is just really really hard now. For the last 6 months or so i used to do everything for him...Even making some food I used to think, oh he will love it one day when I make it for him... And I know it sounds pathetic, but it was like that with everything..and now everything just seems so pointless...I feel so empty inside and my whole life seems absolutely pointless.

But I wouldn't agree with you that it will never work being just friends with him. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I started seeing this guy and we were nothing more than friends with benefits and at first I was ok with it, but later on, being the hopeless romantic I am, I of course fell for him. It wasn't as same as with this guy of course, wasn't as deep and strong feelings like I have now, but I was still very much into him. And he suddenly just started dating some other girl. By that time we were already flat-mates and I was already way too much into him. But I got over it somehow, wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as it is now too... and now we are still flat-mates and he is still with that girl and we are just really good friends now. So it did work out so I wouldn't be so sure it won't work out with this one...

And even though sometimes I think it would be much healthier to think like you do, that he's dead to me and just move on, but we still have about 6 weeks left of studying together, so I still have to see him every day. And that's why I can't really forget him and block him and move on and I have to make the best out of this situation somehow..... I am just not sure how, cause I am sick of seeing him at school looking all happy and focused on studying and pretending that everything is alright when I actually just want to die inside... But I am trying to change my thinking and I am getting kind of angry at him, for treating me this way and stringing me along for so long.... and kind of starting to hate him a little bit too...

[Snow White]

Dear Feelinworthless, I am sorry if I seemed insensitive. You shared a bit more in the last post, but you were still aware that he cheated on you. If you truly cared for him, why did it feel uncomfortable when he called you by his last name? Why would you tell him he was just saying things to get in your pants? My point is, in your gut, you knew something was wrong. We will ignore our gut because we want to believe the nicer feelings. So then he is blunt with you and you no longer can ignore the truth. Obviously, he's not a good guy, but you knew that. So you cry victim and he is the devil.

Why would someone who cheated on you make you feel like a dead zombie? Why would someone who was so disrespectful to you take up so much of your mind? You are a beautiful, intelligent woman who deserves the very best. This might sound mean, but I speak from personal experience. People can only treat us the way we allow them to treat us.

[Feelinworthless]

Dear Snow, I did feel uncomfortable when he called me that because not only did he catch me off guard but yes deep down inside I knew it was never going to happen. Yes he was straight blunt for the first time. Of course I'm a victim in this situation because I always believed in him and something in me was holding on to some time of hope that thought we'd make it work again. Whenever he told me he missed me I believed him & it bought me back to hope, when he called after me stopped talking to him it bought me back to hope. Whenever he flirted wit me it bought me back to hope. I just believed in him way too much & disrespected myself in the process. So yes he is a piece of shit. Truth be never thought he would have take it this far with leading because I was blind. Thank you for the advice. All I've been trying to do lately is press forward. Occasionally I cry, have a dream with him in it, & sometime too much painful thoughts consume my mind with him in it. I just try to pray & ask God to help heal me and try to move forward.

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Dear Wilted rose I appreciate your response. Thank you for saying how people treat you speaks volumes on their behalf. I just truly hope that God helps me press forward. Also hope that he gets the karma he deserves for the pain he put me through.