I don't want to cheat but I'm so confused

[Llcldn]

Hi guys! It's my first time posting on here, I think I might be too desperate!

Ok so I have a girlfriend (she's my first real relationship and we've been together for 4years) and, every year, we spend the summer in London for work.

Last sunday, we went out with her colleagues but I didn't know anyone except my girlfriend, so I introduced myself to them and I noticed this girl (let's call her A.). We took a bus to go to some pub and she was sat in front of me and I could see her looking at me so I was like ok it's normal we're just sat in front of each other you know. But then we sat at a table in the pub and I was sat next to someone else, and when I decided to go order something, she switched with her friend to sit next to me. And I don't know why but it made me kind of happy?
We spent sometime in the pub and she was being really close to me, always touching me and getting closer to talk to me, I think we were flirting? My girlfriend noticed her interest and told me to be careful.

After that we went to a club then at some point we had to get on the rooftop because some people wanted to smoke a cigarette. There, my girlfriend was busy talking with her friends so A put her arm around my shoulders and told me she really liked me and that I should go out with them more often; later on we were talking about sushis and she even asked my girlfriend if it would not bother her if she took me to a restaurant just by ourselves. At this point I was really avoiding my girlfriend and spent a lot of time with A..

We got to another club, danced and stuff, she kept touching my hands. Then everyone decided it was time to go home but she wanted to keep dancing. Everyone started leaving the club and I was the only one to wait for her as she was trying to convince me to stay to dance more; once she got ready to leave we had to go through the crowd and she gave me her hand (which I grabbed), then turned back to smile at me. We got in the stairs and she stopped. This was a really weird moment, she was looking very deeply into my eyes and I didn't know what to do. She asked me why I did not want to stay with her and I answered that my girlfriend would make me sleep on the sofa if I did so, and she was like "what kind of relationship is that.. everything happens by choice" and stuff and then we left.

And now I just can't stop thinking about all that and everytime I think about her it makes me feel sick, like butterflies but like x1000, I feel really really sick (I don't feel like eating and everything). I just don't know what to do as we're supposed to go out again by the end of the week and I'm completely lost; I have never ever cheated on my girlfriend and it makes me feel bad because, at the same time, it's the first time I get this close to someone else than her since 4 years and like, just one night with this girl and I'm completely confused. I'm a very anxious person and it's the first time I feel so good with someone I just met. I have no idea what to do, plus she's 27 and I'm 19 (we're both girls btw). I'm kind of losing my mind so I just hope you guys will have some advices to give me

Thank you so much for taking the time to read me

[pcmaster]

You are not ready to be in committed relationship. Break up before you try anything with the new girl or stay faithful. But dont cheat by any means. Its easy to stay faithful when you dont have other options. But the real challenge is when you have a choice.

[Shoukon]

There's this conflict in humanity where we want safety and adventure. We want the control, certainty and safety of a stable relationship that is predictable and the person is known (your long term relationship), and we want adventure that is full of passion, surrender, novelty and the unknown (the 27 year old). Here, you have to decide what you're going to do. Do you want to stay in a relationship with your current mate or go with a new person?

You can look at your current relationship and wonder what feels like is lacking there and what you believe the other woman can give you because of that lack. The problem is that we're really good at finding new people that look like they have the qualities that we want, the cure to our problems, but they're just like the old lover we had.

If you're finding your current lover dull, be curious about that. A lot of the time we're really invested in making our current lovers dull for the sake of an illusionary safety and stability which is the killer of desire and passion and you may be surprised how not dull your current lover is when you let go of your investment in them being so stable.

It may be that the desire to cheat here means your current relationship is no good or is not being worked on to make it satisfying. As PCMaster said, if you're not ready for a committed relationship break up or stay faithful. Cheating is only going to cause chaos all around for you and everyone else.