Is he confused, or am I.....

[lostinlove_71]

2 years ago, I started chatting with a man online (we’ll call him Jim), on a dating website. He added me to Facebook, and we started a chatting “friendship” online. After about 2 months of this, we agreed to have sex. He made it very clear it was sex only, and that he wasn’t looking for anything further. I had just ended a relationship 6 months prior, so I was good with this casual sex encounter, and I took it for what it was: straight up casual sex.

After this, we carried on our friendship online. I then entered into a rebound, toxic relationship with a different man (whom we’ll call Dick), which carried on for about 2 years (off and on) all while continuing my online friendship with Jim. Once I ended things with Dick (about 6 months ago completely), Jim then started asking me to do things and escalating our friendship, other than just chatting online. We would go to the movies (the first couple of times he paid for me, though I did NOT expect him to), go on shopping errands together etc., go out for a bite to eat, and he also asked me if I wanted to go mini-putting some time, but we have yet to do that.

We’ve also gone on a couple of “short-ish” day road trips, and recently we have gone swimming at the beach. Now, I do need to mention he has told me he’s shy, and that he has anxiety. I believe him, but all I see from him is a confident, gorgeous wonderful man. A man that has told me he’s glad I’m in his life, and that I keep him from going crazy. Over the 2 years I’ve known Jim, I’ve always mentioned men I’m dating or I’ve mentioned someone I’ve slept with, and we’ve been open with each other about it. He hasn’t done much dating, but he did sleep with a woman about 3 months ago; he says he did that because I kept saying no to him!

Lately he has started to bring me little gifts, both purchased and home-made. I see it as a way for him to get a hug from me, but maybe I’m wrong. Anyway, over the last 6 months, he has also mentioned a couple of times that maybe we could be good friends who occasionally have sex together. I told him that I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but the truth is, I had developed a crush on him. Recently I told him about this crush… and he said “I have no idea if I even want a relationship and if I did, there’s nothing stopping me from having one with you. You know I’m telling the truth too. I’m content being alone and having you as a friend currently. I don’t think it’s a big deal that you told me (about me crushing on him).” So I sucked it up, and have taken him at his word that he doesn’t want me, and we’ve carried on our friendship. (Though, when I see him, I know I’m acting nervous and I can’t help it! I like him a lot!)

So I’ve carried on, and gone on dates and I’ve told him about it. He then started acting jealous, but he makes sure to still see me, bring me gifts etc. My problem is this: WHY is he doing all this? I’m 46 years old, he’s 38. I’m not stupid and I know when a man likes me. So what the hell is going on???? Is this a case of take him at his word, he doesn’t want you. Or is he scared? Is it because of his anxiety? I don’t think he’s a player, as I don’t see any signs of this. He is someone who keeps his circle very, very small. I’m the only person he hangs out with socially. I’m the only woman he goes to the movies with and out to eat with, and the only woman he brings gifts to. Should I be playing the LONG game, and just wait? I mean, I’m still going on with my life, but it is super confusing and I don’t know what to do. I do want to keep him as my friend, but my heart really hurts because I want him so bad. And I know he’d be crushed if I stopped being his friend… So what’s a woman to do?

· He acts jealous.

· He teases me.

· Always initiates texting with me, even if it’s just to say something silly

· Randomly showing up at my house and brings me little gifts.

· He really strives to make me laugh and we have good rapport with one another.

· He pretends to bump into me.

· He gently “pushes” my body (as another way to touch me?)

· He brushes his hand against mine and says “are you trying to hold hands with me?”

· He stands very close to me when out shopping, and walks at my pace. (He’s 6’4 and has long legs, but manages to walk at my pace)

· Always holds doors open for me

· Doesn’t check out other women when we’re together (well sometimes, but he is a man after all lol)

· He had made me a “Mixed Tape” (on a usb stick) but then never gave it to me (I believe this is because he knew that the previous toxic rebound guy was back in my life at that time, though I was only sleeping with the guy… stupid, I know) When we went on our first road trip together, he was playing music off a usb stick, and I suspect it’s the one he was going to give me.

· He has sent me sappy songs to listen to

· He has told me personal things about his life, and when I question him about something, if I push a little, he does open up instead of telling me “I don’t want to talk about that”

So please! With all of the info I’ve provided, can someone give me their opinion? I do want to stress he’s NOT a player, and he’s very good looking. He could get anyone else that he chooses. Now, I would also like to mention (though I don’t know if it means anything to my story), he’s dated over the last many years (prior to meeting me) women who are petite, and very young, with not much to offer. But he has more than likely just sought sex from these women, and never turned it into anything meaningful with them. HELP, please! lol

[Hooo!]

With all the information you have given us let me ask you:

As you describe it in rich detail:
What do you want?