how to let go, when they said they loved you, but didn't really want you.

[evildeadguy316]

So, I met this girl at the end of January. We started talking and really hit it off. I was 32 though I look and act 28, she was 22. I was worried about the age difference but we just worked so well and talked all night. From then on we kept texting each other for a few weeks. We met up, sparks flew. we had so much in common, chemistry was off the charts, I had never experience anything like this before. two weeks in she got scared. Said she wasn't ready for a relationship and needed to work on herself. She said we would have never worked out anyway. She was still living with an ex, his girlfriend and her best friend. She ended it. I was hurt. We kept talking on and off, until we went to a party and saw each other. We hit it off again. I drove her home. The next day we went to a club we both liked. After the club she told me we needed to date, she couldn't imaging me with anyone else, and she was still scared after her last relationship, but needed to see where we would go. She said she still needed time to work on her, but wanted to give us a shot, because she missed me for the past few weeks.

Things went right back to the way they were, it was amazing. It didn't even feel like we ever stopped. 3 weeks in she kept almost telling me she loved me, but wasn't ready to say it. Another 3 weeks went by, she went to new York for a few days and came back really depressed. Told me she was suicidal. Her family didn't respect her, they never really did care for her, she had a different last name from them, her dad wasn't her dad. They never helped her get her license and were really strict with her, and helped her younger and older sibling. She had to move in a month and was ready to give up. After a week of pushing me away she called me and said she wanted me to hold her while she cried, I was there. After that I was her support. I taught her how to drive, helped her get her license, helped her get out of the house she was living with her emotionally abusive ex. She got a promotion at work. She moved on her birthday. Told me I took care of her better than anyone else in her life. That she was having a hard time opening up and telling me she loved me, but I meant so much to her, she loved having me in her life. She asked for a key to my place. She was everything I ever wanted in a person. Personality, looks, the chemistry we had. I knew I loved her.

The next two weeks were rough, we started fighting. I had been there for her anytime she needed, I failed a midterm and told her I was really upset and she just brushed it off and tried to have fun. Tried to tell me again that she loved me but was scared to. I had a few drinks, we went to bed and I said no sex. She got mad, " This isn't what I expected when you said you wanted to hang out. I said, I was there for you whenever you needed me, and you cant even be here for me. She said what the hell do you want me to do? I said hold me, and she did. Things got worse after that. she said sex was getting stale, She started working 50 hours a week. She pulled away again. She came over after work one night, I made her dinner, and got a bottle of wine. When she got the text of me asking her to let me know an hour before she got out of work so I could have it ready, and that I got a bottle of wine because I know she was stressed, she cried. Said it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. She came over, said she missed me. We talked a lot about what was going on in our lives. Watched a movie. She stayed over. It was a great night. The next few days were back to normal. I was trying to find a day for us to get together, but she was working as a supervisor in a kitchen open to close. She kept telling me she was so tired, unhappy with herself. Not living up to her expectations, but she missed me. I had the 4th of july off. She was out of work at 7. I pushed to see her, we went to diner. She said if she was pushing me away she needed time for herself. I told her I understood that. But I was still there if she needed me. She said she had her roommate. Her best friend. We kissed, I left. She didn't tell me goodnight that night like usual.

She ended things the next day. said I just wasn't what she was looking for. She loved me but wasn't in love with me. She wanted to work on herself and adventure. I was clingy, let small things bother me. She said I was so sweet she couldn't help but take advantage of me. She didn't even know if she wanted to be with me for the past month and a half, half of our second time around, instead of talking to me about that told me how much I meant to her. I yelled, you used me. You kept acting like I meant everything to you and you didn't even know if you wanted to be with me. While I was helping you get your life together. She said she didn't want me to hate her. She did love me but we just didn't work, that we did have good times together and she was happy, We both broke down and cried, cuddled up, talked through all of our problems. It was a lack of communication. All the things that were bothering were things I wanted to work on myself anyway. I wasn't trying to be clingy, I was just trying to fit her into my full work week and full time school. She said she would miss me, but had to end it. She kept crying and holding my hand, kissing me as she left. and it was over.

a week went by, I dropped off some of her stuff she left to her roommate. Her roommate told me she does this, I was used, she never loved me. her leading me on and using me wasn't intentional, but less than a week later she was already sleeping with someone else. A guy she didn't even like as a person, but enjoyed sleeping with..I was crushed. She lied to me, used me. After constantly telling me how much I meant to her. I sent her a text asking what was true. That friends of hers were telling me things and I needed to know to move on. That I wanted to talk directly because I didn't want to play telephone. She refused to respond and had her roommate say her reasoning or not was not indicative of her caring about me, but she was done entertaining the idea. I got upset. Called her a child. Apologized later. Saw her two nights later at a bar. She looked sad. kept watching me. I saw her sing. When I left, I texted her, told her should could out sing everyone on that stage, (she can actually sing opera), she blocked me. So I let her be. 3 weeks went by. I saw her last night at the club we met. Both of us were drinking. I told her I was sorry. She said don't worry about it. I said I still felt bad. I saw her talking to people she said she always hated. Her roommate said she was "unintentionally two faced." Everything came flodding back. The mind games, the lies. How I meant so much to her but then I just wasn't what she was looking for. I told her off, I told her I knew about the guy, how she used me, her roommate told me. I told her she was toxic to me from the beginning. She said none of that is your concern anymore. I told her she was really good at playing the victim. and left. I want to move on. But my head is such a mess from the lies. I'll leave her alone from now on, but how do you move on when someone pretended you were everything, and really never loved you at all? I can't hate her, she came off like such a sweetheart, but how do I let go?

[richiro]

answer is.. you just do.
What happens to us is what we choose for ourselves, or choose to allow to happen for ourselves. So you just CHOOSE to let her go and it wil happen.
What helps once you choose to do so, is to get busy with other things in your life that you enjoy and can keep you going

let's face it.. if you are 32 yrs old and met last January.. you were SOMEHOW surviving and doing just fine for 31 years right? So why now is life over after 1 yr? Doesn't pass the "sniff test". So you go back to what you were doing that was keeping you going all those other 31 yrs you had. Or find new things now that you have the opportunity to try and do anything you want!

Its tough.. but "tough" doesn't mean its wrong. Tough - is almost always right. Do the right thing, do the tough thing.. just choose to let her go and go do it.