meeting the parents of a "guy friend" - HELP!

[Sunshine82]

So I have a really close guy friend whose parents are here from abroad to visit him for two weeks. He asked me if I wanted to meet his parents. Well, his parents are here he told them that I am going to join them for a day trip next week. The thing is.... a lot of people assume that we are going out or like each other because we are so close. Apparently, guys and girls can't be friends. I am trying to see him as brother that I never had, but its been hard! We spoke 2 times about my feelings towards him but he responds saying that he is under depression and not ready now to start a relationship with anyone, it wouldt work, but he never said I dont see you as a partner in the future, in fact a couple of times he did said how "deep" our friendship and the best couples usualy come from best friends.... that he never had this with anyone in his life....
I am really puzzled because I really like him but assumed that when I declared my fellings (2 times) he would either take the next step or make very clear to me that he likes me just as a friend! He is a 42 yo adult, he shouldt be playing with my feelings! He is a really nice person that I dont want out of my life, but I am strugling to move on with my personal life because I am in love with him and hopefull that he is also in love with me but taking his time due to his depression.
There are so many times when I think there's more than friendship from his side because of the way he acts towards me.
SO my question is -- do guys usually introduce a friend that is a girl to meet his parents and have an official trip with them?? Is this normal? I so not sure if it's no big deal but at the same time, I feel like it is because from what he has told me, he has never introduced a girl to his parents before. I'm kind of confused as to how he thinks of me enough to introduce me to his parents. I might be overthinking this, but I'm a woman so that's natural haha.
Any comments about his feelings towards me are very welcome!

[TheEvilJester]

Unfortunately, these aren't easy questions to answer. On the surface, my gut reaction would be it sounds like he likes you as more than just a friend. My guy reaction is most guys wouldn't have just "some girl who is a friend" meet their parents. At least not in this kind of way, making a whole thing of it. Obviously friends sometimes meet each other's parents.

The thing is, just because that is MOST guys, that doesn't necessarily mean it is this guy. Believe me, I do not mean to make this sound like it is super easy because I understand it is not.... But, you should never put your life on hold waiting around for somebody/something that might never be. It is certainly possible this guy is being 100% honest with you. That he simply isn't ready for a relationship right now due to his issues. But, it is also possible he just can't see you as anything more than a friend, but he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.

You tried, and good for you. I'm proud of you for that, because it can be so hard to take that step. Unfortunately, it didn't go how you'd have wanted. So, really, when that happened you should proceed as though you assume there is no hope of that ever changing. That isn't to say there definitely isn't. There could be. He could get through his issues later and decide he wants more with you.... it's just me may also not. So, you are doing yourself a great disservice when you wait around for somebody hoping things will change.

So, your best bet would be to move on as though you assume it will never change. Now, that can mean different things for different people. If you think you can actually do that AND still remain friends with him, then go for it. If you can actually accept being just friends, and then go out and look for love elsewhere, go for it. Here's the trickier part, though, you have to do so sincerely and without the truth just being that you are dating other guys.... just wishing they were him.

If you think remaining friends with him would just hurt you too much, and keep you stuck wanting more with him, then you owe it to yourself to leave the situation. You don't have to do so maliciously. He hasn't wronged you, you two just didn't want the same thing, or at least weren't on the same time table. You can even still be friendly. But, you need to worry about yourself first. You deserve to fall in love... mutual love... together with somebody very special. If that can't be him, then you deserve to be free to let it be somebody else. If you can't do that while still around him, then you may need some distance.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you. I hope you find true love very soon, whether it winds up being with him after all, or with somebody else.

[pcmaster]

Sounds like a guy who rather will jerk off than enjoy girl in more than platonic sense.

Anyway he might want and see you much more than a friend but he have this barrier in his mind like - I have a depression, not ready to be in relationship, this girl and I have to stay friends.
Thats why he will never be fully available despite that he might often cross the line a bit until he starts slow down again when remembering why you both cant be together.

It looks like this guy have set boundaries and more or less plans to stay within them. Still he seems weak to me and think these boundaries can be broken if you actively try. Anyway this is not the type of guy with who trying to make relationship will be fast and easy. So expect a long and bumpy road ahead.

Guy needs a professional help for sure.

[Hooo!]

ARe you familiar with the symptoms of depression?
You tell us he suffers from depression and your expect him to take initiative?

[Sunshine82]

ARe you familiar with the symptoms of depression?
You tell us he suffers from depression and your expect him to take initiative?

I am not familiar that much, I had 3 months depression myself following a trauma. never had anyone close enought to know much about depession.
Yes, it can be that his depression is just freezing him to take initiative. But in the other hand I would expect that our very open friendship would give him that. i never tried to force anything and I cant, because I am just incredbly shy and dont even know what to do!

[richiro]

Would I introduce a girl to my parents and have a trip with them if i didn't like them?

The answer lies within - how did he introduce you to the parents? Did he introduce you as a "friend" or "mom/dad, this is Sunshine" or "this is my gf Sunshine"? The former means it's nothing. The latter 2 means it's something.
Similarly, how does he refer to you or introduce you to his friends? Same thing.

Good luck.

[Hooo!]

No I disagree. Wording rarely means anything definite. It can give you hints. But I would not say it definite. Too much depends on personality tone situation context etc

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If you are too shy to do anything how do you expect someone who is probably equally shy and fearful of destroying a relationship AND suffering from depression to take the first step?
And that is a real non rethorical question