Advice needed.

[Darodu]

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with a girl for nearly 3 years now. In the beginning things were what I would consider pretty good but as the past year or so has gone on I feel things changing and not sure if it's just me.

I think to make it easier to read I will bullet point my thoughts rather than hit you with a wall of text.

- Her family has been welcoming and I get on well with them. However me and my girlfriend very rarely get time alone and whenever we do anything it generally involves her family rather than just the two of us.

- whenever I suggest future plans I feel I am low on her priority list as she always checks to see if her family or friends are doing something first before she commits to future plans with me such as holidays, weekends away etc.

- I have found it increasingly hard to hold a conversation with her lately and part of the reason is because she is never off Facebook and the likes on her phone.

- She has become less and less affectionate over the last 6 months and we haven't been intimate together for months as she always makes excuses like she's got a sore back etc. She generally always (recently) rejects my advances. I must note I have had the odd HJ but that's about as far as the intimacy has gone for well over 6 months.

- She is generally unwilling to try out new things or finds an excuse not to do things I have suggested such as walks to places I have been asking about for months.

- Her sister has a young daughter and we keep babysitting her. Recently only my girlfriend,her parents and her niece and I went on holiday and her niece ruined the holiday for me in my eyes as she kept having meltdowns after meltdowns being so dramatic everywhere we went as I found myself constantly on edge waiting for the next meltdown. This in turn added to increased tension between me and my girlfriend and I said how I felt and she got so defensive over her niece that I was made to feel like sh*t.

- as above. Whenever I make an opinion about her family or friends that has bothered me I am always shot down and made to feel like sh*t. Another example is when I have issues I need to rant about or get off my chest about work or family or friends she tends to show a lack of compassion and always makes me out to be the bad one.

- I work away a week at a time with a week back home. I generally only see my girlfriend the Saturday,Sunday I am home whenever I ask to see her through the week it feels like a burden. So that time spent amounts to 4 times a month give or take. We live close to each other (20 minute drive)

- when I am away we just seem to text rather than have phone calls. The texts themselves are extremely repetitive and I find it boring to tell you the truth.

Basically from the points above, I'd like some second opinions. Is it normal in a relationship of this length to become stale as I'd say it is?

I feel I already know what to do but I don't want to rush it and make a mistake.

[Daiia]

She's gotta go. I know its been three years but you cant go another 30 with the same boring routine where you aren't being shown any love, appreciation, or respect. Sorry man, but she's gotta go.

[Snow White]

You said you feel you already know what to do, so go with your gut. Relationships and people and priorities can change over time.

[Darodu]

Anyone else got some input?

It's a difficult decision to make as it changes my whole sort of life etc as it's been 3 years.

How do you even bring the conversation up?

[TinaStar]

Oh dear... this is tricky. It's been 3 years and relationships, people & the dynamics that go with it do change.

The way I see it you have two options:

1- make sure you get your girlfriend on her own in a situation where you won't get interrupted and have the conversation with her. It's uncomfortable and hard to be that vulnerable, but if you really want to try give it a real chance it's what needs to happen. At least then if she is unresponsive/doesn't feel there is anything wrong you know there's a big problem. If she agrees things aren't good you can discuss how to fix it or decide to finish things. If that happens at least you can walk away knowing you did everything you could do, and it just wasn't to be.

2- you can end it. From what you've said there's very little communication between the two of you. That's not healthy for any relationship. It will go on and before long you will both resent each other, it will end badly and probably have an effect on other relationships you might have.

I would go for option 1 personally. talking is always better than brushing it under the carpet. Good luck!

[Hooo!]

Well have you told her what you told us?
What do you want in the best scenario?