Added an underage coworker on fb

[TcatMcat]

So looking for advice on this. My bf and I have been in a very bad spot for the last month. I won't hide that I have been treating him badly due to a lot of pent up resentment. We recently started to reconcile over the last two days. Now he works at a popular shopping market. He's a manager over all the cashiers and their managers. He will accept friend requests from the cashiers but has never friend requested them personally that I really know of. But their was one particular girl who happened to be drop dead gorgeous and also 17 years old. He is 31. I asked him about why he added her out of curiosity. And he told me that she smiles at him at work sometimes and looks at him more often than other people do. He said they don't talk or anything like that, but that it made him feel good that someone so young and beautiful could even give him a little bit of attention at a time when his own gf was treating him so badly. He said it wasn't a conscious thing and that her profile just popped and he just added her real quick. Now I'm a very insecure person and I reacted a little overboard, but I just want to know if this is something that would upset most people or if it's something that may be normal. He does have other young cashiers on there, but they have always sent him the request. I guess it makes me feel uncomfortable that he initiated contact with an underage girl, even though it was just a stupid friend request.

[madotnw_nihs]

I don't think age is really a factor in this situation. She will turn 18 soon, and while 14 years difference is quite a gap, it isn't eye-popping. I am assuming you want this relationship to continue since you are posting here with the concern. I think the main priority is to make sure you right the ship with your bf as soon as possible and make sure you have a solid relationship. Relationships always have its detractors. If it isn't this girl, it will be something else. Also, your bf is in a position with authority, it's certainly possible for the girl to see that as an incentive to get with him.

[dollhouse]

What he said would be hurtful to hear but on a plus side... he was honest with you and seems to have exactly told you why he added her... so if so, I don't think atm anything sorted is going on because if it was he most likely wouldn't have been so straightforward to you.

[Snow White]

Yes, he was honest with you, but that does not make his behavior acceptable. As a manager, it is very unprofessional of him to befriend those he is in charge of and I am surprised it is even allowed. I noticed he blamed his insecurity and behavior on the fact that he thought you weren't treating him well. We all enjoy attention from someone attractive of the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean we act upon it. I don't think you are being unreasonable. He is a 31 year old man. He should know better. To me, it WAS a conscious thing. He admitted to enjoying her attention. He could do that without requesting her friendship.

I'm not on FB or anything, so if you request someone as a friend, why do you do that? What are you looking to get from it? I would think some type of interaction, no? If it were me, I would tell him he has no need to look elsewhere for attention. I love him and find him very attractive, but I also find it hurtful that he would feel the need to look elsewhere for attention. I think a serious conversation is in order. How would he feel if some hot teenage boy started coming on to you and you said "Well, you weren't being very nice to me and I couldn't believe someone so hot would pay attention to me?"

[madotnw_nihs]

I agree with the posters. I want to clarify that I believe what your bf did was wrong, but that fact can't change. I have a rule that i don't add any co-workers/subordinates/supervisor on fb, instagram or any social media until he/she or I are no longer working in the same company. If we hangout, we can call each other or email. It doesn't seem like your bf is mature enough to think that through. But at the end of the day, you need to work on your relationship with him.

[TcatMcat]

He recently told me that he finds underage girls enticing because "it's something you are not supposed to do". Directly after I found about this whole thing and freaked out accordingly, he decided we should lock our phones because "it would force me to have to trust him". I also have some trust issues because he had a 1.5 year affair with a girl from work at a time where our relationship was even worse off. I feel like I can't respect him after all this and what little trust I had built is shattered. He told me his affair was "something he had to do" "for us"...