My gf beat me up and idk what to do..

[Lisa93]

So my gf and I are a lesbian couple who’ve been together almost 3 years. We have always had a great, loving relationship up until this incident. We don’t live together but we’re always together. About a week ago when this incident occurred, she was over my place. We got into a stupid, petty argument over some girl commenting on her Instagram pics. Anyways the argument escalated and I said “Go kill yourself like your pathetic mother.” A little background info on my gf is her mom suffered from severe bipolar/depression, and drug abuse and killed herself a few years prior. So anyways after I said this, I immediately regretted it, but it was too late my gf punched me in the mouth. I tried fighting back but she’s much bigger and stronger. She basically beat my ****. I was crying and screaming until she finally stopped and left.

I haven’t seen her since this incident but we’ve talked on the phone. She keeps apologizing and saying how much she regrets it, and it won’t happen again. I believe her cus she’s never shown signs of violence in the past. But I still don’t feel like I should just forgive and move on so easily. Please help. I’m at a loss.

[madotnw_nihs]

While I don't condone the physical abuse you took, what you said was pretty about her mother was equally horrible. Everyone has a breaking point. Some hit people, some walk away or other reactions. To me, she seems sincere in her apologies. This time, I would let it go and forgive her.

[nerdy_guy]

Both of you should apologize to each other. I don't care if she hit you, you apologize first... physical wounds heal... but there are no defenses for verbal attacks

[TheEvilJester]

As the others have said, there is no excuse for physical violence like that.... so I don't mean to imply what you did makes it okay....

BUT... what you did was completely wrong. Saying something like that (telling them to kill themselves) to somebody you supposedly love would be TERRIBLE even if they hadn't been through something like that. To use something like that you knew against her in that way.... I do NOT condone it, but can at least understand how she was driven to that point.

Understand, I do NOT mean to vilify you for saying that or her for attacking you. I understand sometimes people can be driven to terrible things, even more terrible than perhaps they thought themselves capable of doing/saying, at their worst and lowest moments. If you can show me a person who says they have never done something terrible in the heat of a bad moment that they severely regret, then I will show you a liar. (HINT! HINT! They'd be the same person.) So, no, I do not mean to imply either of you are terrible people.... but you did terrible things.

If I was to be completely and 100% honest.... I think you'd both be better off without each other. I think you both need to get some help. And I don't mean THAT to sound like it does either. I don't mean that to sound like "My God, you are so crazy you need mental help." I just mean, if you both could push each other to such low moments, maybe you both need some help in understanding what could get you to hit those lows. Maybe there are things you each need to deal with individually in order just to get over/get through them yourselves. If you two can bring each other to those terrible lows, maybe you are just not the right match.

That IS a worst case scenario. Maybe you two CAN make it work. That isn't for me to decide. But, if you CAN, you at least need to both work together AND individually to help yourselves get through this. Because, you should NEVER again be able to be pushed so low that you'd stoop to such a hurtful and horrible thing to say..... but nor should she ever again be able to be pushed so low that she'd resort to physical violence against you or anybody, really.

How badly did she "beat you up" as you put it? Because that could also change my thoughts on whether or not legal action should be taken. Again, not that it makes that much of a difference, it is wrong either way.... but were there any lasting marks? (Black eye, bruises, cuts, etc.) Any serious injury? You don't have to go into any further detail if you don't want, but it just to me makes a difference just how violent she got.

[Lisa93]

I had a black eye and a busted lip. Both are healed now but I was in a lot of pain for a few days. I'm not going to take legal action b/c I still love her a lot, and I wouldn't want that.

[TheEvilJester]

Legal action may not be necessary, but this still leans me to thinking you two are not good for each other. And, again, like I said, that isn't my decision. So, if you insist you want to stay together and make it work, maybe you two can BECOME good for each other. ...But it is going to take work.

And again, this would still NOT make it okay..... but this would be a slightly different story if you told us you said something terrible, she slapped you (or even punched you) once and then instantly stopped. Still not saying that makes it okay.... but that is at least more understandable in that she could have been so hurt and shocked by what you said that she momentarily lost control. But, you didn't say it was simply one slap and that was that. You see she beat you up. This implies an ongoing attack, meaning she did not simply act out in shock and then realize the err of her ways.... she was angered so much she continued to attack you.

Whether or not what you did drove her to this, this still shows the capability for violence, and that is definitely not okay. Nor is it okay for you to have the capability to say something as deliberately hurtful as you did. I've said it already, but my personal advice would be that you two are not good for each other and should separate, even if you just think of it as being temporary until you can each get the help you need. But, again, that is not my decision to make, and I realize sometimes love complicates things. So, if you do wish to stay together, at least do so realizing that something needs to change. This is NOT something you two can just sweep under the rug and hope it never happens again.

Good luck to you either way. I sincerely wish you both the best. Whether you wind up together or not, I wish you both the best in getting through this and hopefully realizing whatever may need to be fixed/dealt with to avoid something like this ever again. With each other or even with anybody else.

[Hooo!]

I don't see the problem

[Lisa93]

I don't see the problem

The problem is my gf beat me up, and I was looking for advice. I'm not sure what this post is trying to imply.

[GLYC]

For me, I think this just isn't okay. I don't support the relationship.

What you said, was absolutely terrible, probably the worst thing you could possibly say.

On the other hand.
Physical violence is never alright. She shouldn't have reacted like that, she needed to leave the situation and just wait. She could have told you a piece of her mind, but the physical aspect was edinitely stepping over the lines.

Both for you are terribly in the wrong. I think you both have work you need to do, read about how to settle disagreements like mature adults.
It's okay to get upset, angry, disappointed at times, you just have to know how to express that in a healthy manner.

[pcmaster]

The problem is my gf beat me up, and I was looking for advice. I'm not sure what this post is trying to imply.

I think he means that you insulted her, she beat you up and you stopped seeing each other. So problem solved - you came apart naturally and you are not in abusive relationship and she is not with someone who dont respect her or hurts with words. All the bad things have ended. And relationship ended too - you both ended it.

[Hooo!]

Well you hurt her, she hurt you
You are apart now and or have no contact.
I don't see any reason for you to do or even want to do anything.
What would you want to do ? File a report at the police or what?

[Hooo!]

Sry didn't read pcmasters response

Yes totally correct
No need to do anything

Or is there?

[Snow White]

I agree with everything TheEvilJester said. Your relationship reminds me of my sister's relationship with her girlfriend. It is extremely dysfunctional and abusive, in my opinion, both verbally and physically but, is something she seems to accept as love no matter how crazy it may appear.

You asked if you should forgive her and I believe you should just as I would hope you would like her forgiveness for what you said.

[TheEvilJester]

I would add that I agree with Snow White's advice to forgive her.... but I think you should forgive her more for your own sake and not for hers. I'd even say the same to her the other way around. What you both did was NOT okay. So, it isn't so much that either offense was something deserving of being forgiven. It is more you both deserve the chance to move on and better yourselves, whether that winds up being together or alone. To dwell on some wrong-doing of the past, whether your own or somebody else's, is not healthy. It would serve only to keep you trapped in the past.

Though, again, that also doesn't mean you just sweep it away and pretend it never happened. You both should still seek whatever guidance you may need to help make sure you can heal and fix whatever could have driven you to such misdeeds. Forgiving doesn't HAVE to mean you accept the person back into your life. It CAN, but it doesn't have to. Good luck to you both either way.