WhatsApp dating

[JessicaJones84]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years about a year ago. I suddenly realised I'm ready to meet someone and have fun. The only problem is is that I am overweight & feel unattractive so am currently losing weight (So far 20 pounds!). I thought I'd join a few apps to have a look around but didn't feel ready to actyally date. I've put up pics down to my kneck only. Anyway, I met this amazing guy who was messaging me every day for over a month. He's gorgeous and lovely. We've talked about so much and I really enjoy waking up to his messages everyday. Only prob is I know he's getting a Bit impatient about meeting (understandable) & I think it would be so unattractive to say why. It's not that I'm just a little bit overweight - I have another 40 pounds to lose!! I just don't feel confident to meet him. It's about my self esteem and feeling able to be myself - not about him liking my body. I've never met anyone as amazing as him who I can talk about sci fi, jazz & literature and worry about how much I do actually like him. To add to that, he's 24 and I'm 33 .. but he has blown me away! It was so exciting talking to each other and it seemed he would only log in to WhatsApp to talk to me. It was his birthday party the other day and since then, he has messaged, but I see him online a lot. Sometimes quickly logging in and out and not reading my messages as soon as he sees them. Which leads me to think he is now talking to another girl. Shall i just suck it up and meet him at this size? Or shall I cut my losses and put this down to experience. I can't believe how jealous I feel over him being online to someone else lol. But then again that means he couldn't have been that interested in the 1st place. So gutted to miss out. By the way, I'm well aware how creepy and obsessive this sounds! Any advice would be appreciated.

[GLYC]

Well, you should display a full body picture, I think it's just being honest about things.
I hardly ever messaged women that didn't have those. Although on a few occasions I did, and the women usually had a thicker bottom half which didn't bother me at all.
I was surprised since the women had really slim faces, but I genuinely enjoyed their personalities. I probably would have gone out with them either way.

But the honesty is always appreciated.

Congrats on the weight loss!!

Yeah, with myself, if a woman refuses to see me I'm moving on. It's important to see if there's a connection in person.
I would assume she isnt that interested or is keeping me on the backburner.

I would meet him out. Maybe upload a full body picture first. Seems like an easy way to avoid the conversation about your weight and to prevent the issue in the future.
Then you don't have to worry about it really. Either he accepts it, or he doesn't.
If he doesnt, his loss. You're moving up and moving on with your life.

I understand that you're self conscious of your body image. It's difficult.
I think a lot of people are, men included even.I always felt that way as well previously when I was thinner and never worked out, I felt I was too thin.
A lot of women arent attracted to thin guys either. But I still managed to get dates despite that.

[pcmaster]

I think you have nothing to worry about. If guy messages you then he is interested in your personality. If Im not into girl in any way I lose patience after first 10 messages if shes not ready to meet. What you feel is normal cause chatting with someone is easy but actually meet the person takes a jump. I mean you just have to stop thinking and jump. Just like most girls likes chubby guys, most guys likes chubby girls too. 40 extra pounds is still very sex. Much sexier than none extra pound at all. Those thin girls all look the same to be honest.

I once met a girl who looked much bigger than in pictures. Few seconds of feeling repulsed and then I got over it. Girl was nice to talk to and that compensated those few seconds 1000 fold.

So thats the worst that can happen to you - few seconds of disapointment from a guy. I mean now you really are testing the guy by not meeting cause you are saying he is not good enough by holding back to meet. Thats how we guys feel about it. Yes you feel insecure but dont your insecurity kill him.

First few times meeting someone from internet feels like a jump but afterwards you get more confident in your looks and meeting just feels natural. Talking from experience here.

Best you can do is tell guy when you have time to meet now. Also if you feel insecure you could tell him and Im sure he will support you. Or if you feel nervous at a date then you could tell that its your first time meeting someone like that from chatting and that should make you feel better too after you say it.

I remember first girl I met from dating site - I was so nervous and couldnt say much. Was sure that after I been so quiet and reserved she wouldnt want to meet again cause we chattet so much and so good before. But I played it smart and didnt talked about meeting again after we met. I kept chatting with her only less and eventually she was the one to suggest to meet again. Second, third and fourth time was at her place, netfix and chill, kissing and all the nice little things thats brings two people closer. She was the one who started kissing cause I was sitting in the corner of bed scared and shy. Great memories. After that things with other girls just became easier and easier.

[dollhouse]

If you like him, give him the chance to get to know you, as you, current weight and all...if he doesn't like you as you are now, his loss but you were at least brave enough to give it a try...

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I feel like your best bet is just to upload full body pictures of yourself. Believe me, I completely understand why you are reluctant to do so. The thing is, do you really want to be with a guy who would be super into you while chatting with you online, then take one look at you while you maybe still haven't lost as much weight as you want and therefore suddenly lose interest it you? And, to be completely honest, it is also a little unfair on the other side.

Yes, some guys are pigs and only want to date stick thin super models. So, to Hell with them quite frankly. BUT... there are some guys who aren't that vapid and empty... but maybe one way or the other that could factor into their decision. You can't necessarily help who/what you do and do not find attractive. And, heck, there are even plenty of guys who either don't mind at all or even find that MORE attractive. So, really, honesty is just the best policy. You aren't really being fair to the guy on the other side by not being honest about that at first... but at the same time you aren't really being fair to yourself either.

You deserve somebody who isn't going to care. Now, with that said... say you get yourself down to your goal weight, and at that point haven't yet found somebody special. Sure, then you can go ahead and replace your older pictures with all ones where you have lost the weight because then you are showing the current you. I'm just saying that it is much better to weed out the guys who wouldn't be interested in you based on your weight rather than to waste your time.

I mean, imagine if you really hit it off, just like you have with this guy. Do you really want to waste all that time only to find out his opinion could change over something like that? Anyway, that advice does come a little too late for this guy in particular. So, my advice for this specific situation is that you should NOT give up yet. Why would you do that without even giving him a chance. Maybe he won't care about your weight. Maybe he won't mind if you lose more, but wouldn't even mind if you gained more. Maybe he'll like you for you. If he doesn't, heck, you can move on and find somebody else then. But why give up without even giving him a chance.

Maybe because of your reluctance to meet he is just beginning to think you aren't interested. That may be why you are sensing he has started to move on. As long as he still talks to you, it may not be too late.

Congratulations on all the weight you lost so far, by the way. That isn't easy to do, so you rock! Good luck losing the rest of what you wish to lose. Thing is, though, take it from a guy who has struggled with weight in the past as well. It can be REALLY hard to do, and sometimes even no matter how hard you try you can sometimes fall short of your goals. I do not say that to discourage you, because I think you definitely CAN do it.... my point is just that, once again, you should be with somebody who won't mind either way. Right now, you are sort of treating yourself like you have to wait to date until you hit your final goal. Thing is, what if that takes you a while? What if that is hard? Do you have to put your life on hold for that entire time? The answer should be no.

Good luck!

[pcmaster]

In general yes - good idea to upload honest full pictures. but with this guy i stick with my suggestion.

If you upload full body pictures then be ready that it will atract a lot of DeadPools.

[JessicaJones84]

Thanks guys. It's really nice of y'all to take the time to reply. All of the responses have made sense. It's turned into such a huge thing now that I would absolutely dread meeting up with him now, I think I would actually have the shakes! It's been a huge learning experience nevertheless. You're right, I don't know how amazing he is, and it is just all a fantasy. I wish I had gone about it in a different way. I feel bad that he doesn't know what is up and the messages have really slowed down. It's been a really nice experience to meet someone online who has excited me and have some really lovely convos with.. but now I feel like a creepy liar off the internet!! I was thinking to message and just say I'm sorry I haven't met you but you are awesome and hope, if you are free down the line you'd still like to meet? Or just leave it? I really would when I feel a bit more confident. I understand about the comments regarding the weight. Yes, it would be amazing to feel confident in my own skin. I think that says more about me than it does him and shows I need to love myself more instead of torturing myself with all of this. It really doesn't help that my family all say how much prettier I am without all the weight. Anyway, that's another story! I'm going to say I'm feeling insecure and if he's up for meeting in the future then that will be great..

[pcmaster]

Well you have to start somewhere. You think you have something to lose when theres nothing to lose. Realize all the great possibilities that can come out of this. Theres just too much to gain to not risk.
Guy wants to meet and you want to meet. What do you know - maybe overweight girls is his favorite type.

I remember I was feeling insecure about meeting(first time meeting someone from internet) this girl who liked big guys, above 100kg. I was much lighter but then talked with friend who is already married and he said - "Weigh, looks, age and so on dont have absolutly any meaning if you have what to talk about, like to be together and feel good with that person." And he was right. We didnt had much to talk about ussualy but we felt good together and I never cared about her weight(She was shorter but heavier than me). There was just more to love, wanting less wasnt worth it(talking about body here).

You just have to realize that your size is sexy. And right guy will love you for what you are. Give yourself a chance.

[TheEvilJester]

Definitely siding with PC on this. He very much echoes my thoughts.

Jessica, believe me, I am NOT implying it should be so easy to feel comfortable in your own skin. Jeez, I of all people know that. I NEVER have and don't think I ever will. I'm much better at it these days, but I still don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I'm just trying to learn to be happier with me... and you know what? I'm actually getting much better at it. These days, I am probably in the best shape I've ever been in my whole life.... but I still think of myself as a fat guy. Somehow I can't stop that. And I STILL to this day have to fight to convince myself I am not a hideous ugly monster. Because, frankly, my whole life, that is what I always saw in the mirror. But I'm not a hideously ugly monster. I'm a decently attractive monster. LOL!

So, I'm just saying, you are most definitely not alone in being uncomfortable in your own skin. I wish I could say that changes. It CAN, but often times you carry that for the rest of your life to some degree. You may hit your goal weight and still not feel fully comfortable within yourself. Even in that case, though, you CAN at least get better. Not easy, unfortunately, but you can do it. I mean, I've come a long way myself. If I can do it, anybody can.

Going back to your question in your newest post.... I again agree with PC. What do you have to lose at this point? Think of it like this... If you chose to just move on and forget him without even trying to meet, then you'll no longer have him in your life anyway. So, even if you DO meet and he isn't interested once he sees you in person, it is pretty much the same result. Except then at least you'll actually know for sure rather than having to be left to wonder what could have been if you just give him a shot. On the other hand, what if you finally meet and you still hit it off really well? What if it turns into something really serious and great? Wouldn't future you be kicking present you for even considering not giving him a chance? LOL!

You only live once. Go for it! Good luck to you. I especially hope you learn to be happy with your own self no matter what. Take it from a guy who knows, that can be a difficult journey. (But.... wait for it.... Don't Stop Believing! Come on, I HAD to! LOL!) But you CAN do it, and it is definitely a situation where the destination is worth the trip. Good luck! You rock! Tell yourself that, and soon you will start to believe it.

[Hooo!]

Tom i am very anxious to tell you this.
I really really like chatting with you and so far I think you are a great person.
And I really would like to meet you in person.
I am however very shy about myself because i am not satisfied and somewhat shameful about my body. I have lost 20 pounds already in the last x months but still I have another 40 to go.
And when I am finally going to meet you I want to look good for you and want to be able to enjoy myself while I am with you. At the moment this is beyond me.
This is also why I haven't already met up with you yet. I hope you do understand that and will wait for me a little longer?

[pcmaster]

Yesterday I saw one BBW girl who worked in purse shop. I really did find her interesting last 3 years but never talked with her. Now she was carrying white roses. So someone gave her those. Looks like Im too late and theres no point talking with her anymore.

So just saying that life is short and some chances are not given twice. If you like someone and you can do something about it to progress or at least try then do it !

[TheEvilJester]

Tom i am very anxious to tell you this.
I really really like chatting with you and so far I think you are a great person.
And I really would like to meet you in person.
I am however very shy about myself because i am not satisfied and somewhat shameful about my body. I have lost 20 pounds already in the last x months but still I have another 40 to go.
And when I am finally going to meet you I want to look good for you and want to be able to enjoy myself while I am with you. At the moment this is beyond me.
This is also why I haven't already met up with you yet. I hope you do understand that and will wait for me a little longer?

This, I think, is a great way to put it. Heck, maybe he would even respond by telling you it is okay and he wants to meet you regardless of how you look. Again, believe me that I don't mean to pretend it is easy.... but why not at least give him a chance? Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. We tell ourselves we aren't good enough, and become so convinced we don't even try. You ARE good enough, and you DO deserve happiness.

So, give yourself that chance. Good luck!

On a side note, good story to illustrate the point, PC.... though, I would say just because you saw her with roses doesn't necessarily mean it is too late. You never know who sent them to her or why. Sure, it is a hint that MAYBE she already has somebody, but you don't really know that for sure just based on that.