I love him but don't know if I see a future - advice needed

[AJBlue17]

I've been with my partner for over 2 years (we're both 27), we live together. We laugh alot and we're both very comfortable around eachother. The only thing is, I don't know if I see a future with him. I know I love him and care about him and his happiness very much, and he's a great person - I just don't get excited about the thought of marrying him one day or having a child/children with him and those are two things I definitely want in life. We've been through our fair share of problems that's for sure (lying, angry drunk occasions, selfishness etc) - so I don't know if maybe all of those things have caught up to me and now it's making me realise I don't know what I want...of if I'm just confused.

Has anyone else been through this and what helped you gain clarity/make the right decision?

Thanks!!

[madotnw_nihs]

Are there specific things you can point that you don't like about him.?

[elisemies]

Hi AJBlue17,

there's a book that I love, written by the same author of Wild, which they made into a movie last year. Cheryl Strayed was an advice columnist for a few years under the name Sugar, and an an extremely empathetic and thoughtful one at that. I would definitely recommend that you read "Tiny beautiful things", it has become my bible, but you can find the specific chapter here: http://therumpus.net/2011/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-77-the-truth-that-lives-there/

The reason that I am mentioning it is that there's a chapter in it about 3 women in a similar situation, and her advice is as follows, and I think there is truth to it:


Go, even though you love him.

Go, even though he’s kind and faithful and dear to you.

Go, even though he’s your best friend and you’re his.

Go, even though you can’t imagine your life without him.

Go, even though he adores you and your leaving will devastate him.

Go, even though your friends will be disappointed or surprised or pissed off or all three.

Go, even though you once said you would stay.

Go, even though you’re afraid of being alone.

Go, even though you’re sure no one will ever love you as well as he does.

Go, even though there is nowhere to go.

Go, even though you don’t know exactly why you can’t stay.

Go, because you want to.

Because wanting to leave is enough.

[Breakthrough]

It sounds like he is your best friend, and you thoroughly enjoy this friendship. You seem to know what you want in the future but don't see that with him. Is there something new in your life or are there any distractions ?

[AJBlue17]

It sounds like he is your best friend, and you thoroughly enjoy this friendship. You seem to know what you want in the future but don't see that with him. Is there something new in your life or are there any distractions ?

Not really any distractions, I just have had people make me feel pretty special in a way I wish I could feel from him.
He is my best friend We live together and spend all our time outside of work together, obviously living together does that.
I'm just so unsure.

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Thank you I like that.

It really does highlight how I'm feeling, because although there are reasons to stay, there's something pulling me the other direction and I don't know what it is and can't put my finger on it....I just feel like something is missing, and it's more than just the 'post-honeymoon phase', it generally feelings like I'm not complete.

- - - Updated - - -

Yes there are some things. But I guess everyone would feel that way about their partner?

[Breakthrough]

That's good that you are checking in with your feelings, it's better now than later which tend to have more complications. It's important to be grounded and feel complete about yourself from within you, and not dependent on people. There will be people who will make you feel special, that sort of feelings come & go. The only ONE who is consistent & makes me feel special at all time is God. Give yourself some time & space, perhaps write down your thoughts & feelings & what you would see yourself in future, and after some time, go back & look at it again and see how you feel. Open communication is critical to having a healthy relationship. Maybe you & your partner can have a talk. During this time, pray for God's guidance & wisdom. I'm also lifting you up in prayer.