Are you prejudice..racist...sexist?

[Snow White]

I like to think of myself as very liberal and open. I don't have any tolerance towards someone who believes that other skin tones are inferior to theirs.

Having said that, I am driving in the city and stopped and see a black man whose looks I find intimidating, (he's not dressed in a Cosby sweater), and I feel the need to lock my car door, but I don't want him to hear I am locking my door because I don't want him to think I'm racist! LOL. If he were a scary looking white dude, I would have no trouble locking the door.

I have no problem with gay people. My son is gay, but even before knowing that, I felt we are born a certain way and we all deserve love. Having said that, is it wrong of me to feel a bit grateful that my son is not a flamboyant gay?

We have a retail chain store called Wal-Mart. There is a certain type of person, class, that is associated with being a Wal-Mart shopper. You can go on YouTube and see what I am talking about.

I'm not proud, but when I look at some of those people, I feel superior.

Here's what I'm asking..although it can be hard to admit, have you ever acted or thought in a racist, prejudice way? Have you ever been the victim of prejudice?

[Exeter19]

i don't think i am but i may have told a joke that some might think would have been one of those three you mentioned in your header. sometimes i feel no matter what you do, someone will be offended by what you say or do regardless.

[sHrinking_man]

Snow White what a great post and I love the way you shared your honest interactions! Truth be told, I think we all have tendencies that show our preferences, assumptions and inhibitions. I couldn't help but laugh about the Walmart reference (haha). I have to admit there are some weird characters that frequent there! As for not seeing too many black males in Cosby Sweaters, I'm hoping that I won't have to wear one of those to help alleviate the fears of white women, because I'm thinking the poor converted character in the movie Get Out had one on (and we see how turned out,haha). I truly believe one The Best ways to bridge our prejudices is to come to the place where we can communicate them, and be comfortable enough to laugh at ourselves and with each other. ;-)

[TheEvilJester]

I actually think this is an awesome topic. Thank you for this, Snow White. Funny enough, if I am prejudiced against anybody, it is against people who are prejudiced. LOL! In other words, I have NO tolerance for people who think less of somebody due to such arbitrary things like their religion, skin color, sexual preference, etc.

There is a HUGE difference, though, between prejudice and what you describe, Snow. For example, in my personal opinion, NO, it does not automatically make you prejudiced to be happy that your child isn't gay. Think of it like this, if he WAS gay, would you still love him? Would you be happy for him? Or would you be ashamed? Or even disown him?

I tend to think you'd be happy and supportive even if it wasn't necessarily what you'd hope for him. So, NO, that doesn't make you prejudiced. There can be perfectly innocent reasons to be glad your child isn't gay. Though we have come a long way, especially in recent years, it can still be quite a struggle. And there can still be a lot of people who are very cruel about it. So, why would you not wish for your child to be able to avoid those kind of hardships? So, really it is more the reasons behind your feelings on the matter that is more telling.

That and your encounter with Mr. Cosby is also not prejudiced based on your own details. You said you would feel just as inclined to lock the door had it been a scary looking white guy, or of any race, really. So again, to me that is not racist at all.

That's always been something I personally cannot tolerate. There are SO many horrible people in this world. Hell, people suck in general. So, why condemn an entire type of people just based on their skin color, religion, or whatever. There are good people and there are bad people in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc. No one group is all good or all bad.

[Snow White]

Thank you for the intelligent responses. I was really hoping for more, though. EJ, I think you may have misread my post. My son IS gay. I was feeling a bit guilty that I was grateful he wasn't a "flamboyant" gay and after I had posted that I felt bad and expected to find some negative feedback.

sHrinking_man...I am going to assume you are black. Uh oh, is "black" ok to say? Honestly, I am really confused. As a white person, am I suppose to say "African American"? Sometimes Oprah says "black" and sometimes she says "African Americans".

I saw "Get Out".! That was crazy. Like EJ said, maybe "prejudice" or "racist" aren't the right words. I don't feel I'm either of those, but I hate to admit this, I'm a lot more judgemental than I would like to admit. The Wal-Mart comment makes me judgemental. The flamboyant comment makes me judgemental. Personally, I don't think my judgemental thoughts hold the hatred that racist thoughts hold, but still, I'm not proud of them.

It may seem acceptable to say "Hey redneck, it's really wrong to still be flying that Confederate flag!", but is using "redneck" wrong? Is it ok for me to make jokes about people from the south marrying their cousins? I really dislike people who may look at my son and call him a freak or pervert or say God hates him and I can't understand their hate, but yet when I hear them speak, I can't help but feel hate for THEM.

I'm not sure what exactly it is I am trying to say. I think we are ALL guilty, in some way, of looking at someone and forming an opinion on how they look and may be behaving. We have been taught about how important first impressions are. What do you guys feel about the whole being "politically correct" thing? The sports with the Chiefs and Indians?

I agree with you, sHrinking_man about being able to communicate and laugh about our differences. As a white woman, when I see a great afro, I want to ask to feel it. I know that's a "thing" with white people wanting to feel black people's hair, but is it wrong? When I see really smooth, shiny Asian hair, I want to feel that too. I know. I'm a weirdo and very tactile. I love to feel tattoos also for some reason.

I met a black security guard at my bank who said she doesn't see color. That sounds great, but I have to call "BULLSHIT". My mother has said that too when it has come to my nephew who is half Cape Verdean and very brown. I can see how not seeing color would be great since many people dislike those of other colors, but I cannot help but see different colors. I love all the different browns and the really blacks. My son drew a picture of him and his friend and there was no color colored in. He told me it was his friend Timothy. "Isn't Timothy black?" I asked, wondering why he hadn't colored him in brown, and my son said "Mom, you are racist!

I realize I am all over the place with this, but it's not a simple subject. Please chime in.

[TheEvilJester]

Oh, my bad. (The kids still say that these days, right?) I did misread. Well... again, I guess your reasons behind being happy he isn't "flamboyant" might be more important. So, again, I ask... if he WERE flamboyantly gay would you be unhappy/ashamed/anything like that? I would imagine you would still love him just the same.

To me, I think herein lies the major difference..... Sometimes you can't help how you feel about things. In other words, your gut reaction. However, what you CAN help is how you act upon that. Just as an example....

You can't help who/what you do and do not find attractive. So, say you happen to not find a particular group of person attractive. It isn't like you made a choice to find them unattractive. You can't help the way you feel. It is just that you are not drawn to that type. That does NOT make you racist/prejudiced. You can't help that. However, if you then became of the opinion that all people of that type are ugly.... or worse you even made it a point to treat them poorly and call them ugly.... THAT would make you racist/prejudiced.

Now, I could be wrong, Snow, but a lot of what you describe sounds more to me like your own gut reactions. Again, like things over which you have no control. Hell, I'd say even the Walmart comment falls under that heading. I doubt you, yourself decided that all Walmart peeps are low-class. That's a societal image that has been put in all our heads. It isn't the first time I've heard such a thing. I could be wrong.... but I bet if you walked into a Walmart, you wouldn't HONESTLY think everybody in there was low-class. You'd probably only think that of people who did things to live up to the image.

It is a fine line. To be honest, what I find ALMOST as offensive as people who ARE racist/prejudiced.... are those who are super quick to label others that way. Overly sensitive people are almost as offensive to me as overly insensitive people. So, at least in my opinion, there is a lot of gray area to what you are describing. A fine line, if you will. The very fact that you actually realize maybe your preconceptions are wrong says a lot to me personally. If you truly were prejudiced, not only would that thought probably not even occur to you, but you wouldn't care even if it did.

On a side note, as somebody who has a lot of them (but all in places that can be hidden for work).... Tattoos don't feel any different from normal skin. LOL!

[Snow White]

I started laughing out loud at your tattoo comment! Is that crazy? I DO apologize to people who allow me to touch their tattoos as I am explaining my fetish!

Thank you for your reply on my comment. I think all of us, no matter what class bracket or skin color, is guilty of being judgmental of someone different. I don't think I am racist or homophobic. It is very hard for me to try to understand those who are. My grandparents were brought up that way, with that fear and ignorance, but THEY caught on eventually that what they were taught simply wasn't true. It brings tears to my eyes to think people, children, are still being fed these lies and hatred towards others.

I feel blessed to live in Massachusetts because we are such a liberal state and were the first to legalize gay marriage. I watched this show on Vice called "Gaycation" where two gay people travelled to different countries to get a stance of homosexuality there and what rights or more likely no rights they have. It is very sad the type of downright hatred they must endure, even from their own families. I digress. I am going to start a new topic on this. I expect to see you there, EJ!!

[Jffs24]

I probably at one point or another fell under all three categories. Not in a spiteful, nasty asshole and hateful way but more similar to what Exeter said above. I'm a joking a-hole at times and I don't usually self-censor myself and I am sure I have said something that went way too far and upset some or many. Rofl at the Cosby sweater comment.

[TheEvilJester]

I am going to start a new topic on this. I expect to see you there, EJ!!

You probably will, but unless I just missed it, I don't think I have seen it pop up yet.