Taking the leap

[Anitta89]

Hello everyone.
I'm new to this forum and I come here in need for advice.
A few months ago I met this guy, A, for whom I've depeloped very deep, sudden and unexpected feelings and with whom I've felt a very deep connection right from the start. It hit me hard and sometimes made me question mynown sanity, at times I feel his feelings are mutual and at others I perceive him as being quite distant and aloof. The situation is complicated and confusing in many ways. First off, I am still in a relationship that hasn't yet ended, with someone who I deeply care about but I'm not in love with anymore. I told A about my situation from the begining and sometimes I'm wondering if maybe this is the reason why his behavior fluctuates so much, but then he has his own unresolved issues from a previous relationship. To make all of this even weirder, it seems almost certain will move out of the country in a few months amd I don't want him to leave without knowing how I feel about him. It's that that I have been so afraid of rejection and consequently losing the little time I have left with him, that I kept postponing it, but I'm not satisfied with this anymore. The other relationship I am in is slowly ending and meeting A has made me realize everything I've been missing out on for so long.
I basically seek encouragement to confess my feelings to him without being so hung up on a fear that I don't want to have in the first place. I have been working with mu thoughts a lot and I am not as afraid as I used to be, but I could definitely use a boost. I am aware that A has his own plabs about his future and I don't want to interfere in any way, but, at the same time, if there's the smallest chance he does feel the same, then I need to know. If he doesn't I also need to know because my love for him just keeps growing and growing and I need to know if the signals I'm getting from him are real of the product of my own desires who bounce back at me.
Any feedback and/ or encouragement are welcome.
Thank you!

[Hooo!]

You have two separate issues

First: you have not ended a relationship you should have ended already

Second: you want to be with someone but are afraid he doesn’t want to be with you

Regarding the first problem the solution seems quite obvious to me
Regarding the second problem: you don’t need to confess or voice anything
You can just start being with him and voice it when appropriate
No need to confess anything verbally

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with Hooo here. I'll add one additional thought.... It may be entirely possible that, while you think you are falling in love with A... you may actually just be seeing things in him that are missing in your relationship and fooling yourself into thinking he is everything you want. Believe me, I'm not saying you are doing that on purpose. Sometimes you can't help it. When a relationship is going so wrong, that can make you long for the real thing with somebody else.

Without realizing it, you can cling to the next person who seems interesting to you in the slightest. Maybe in time you'd find that A isn't such a good match for you after all. Maybe he was just a "rebound" so to speak. It happens to the best of us. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. It's just, that is a risk that may not be worth taking. When the troubles of a bad relationship are still fresh in your mind, that is really not the time to seek out a new relationship.

All that said, it may not be that AT ALL. Maybe A is the perfect guy for you and isn't just a rebound at all. If so, that's awesome... but if that is the case then he'd be the right guy for you even after you break up with your current fella. Even after you give yourself some time to heal and move on. If you wait and it turns out he finds somebody else after all, that doesn't mean you missed a chance with your true soulmate... it means it wasn't him after all.

So, my personal advice would be you shouldn't confess anything to him right now. Deal with ending your relationship... deal with taking some time to heal... and worry about it then. That doesn't mean you have to avoid him. You can still get closer with him as friends for now. Don't actually use the word "friend" and possibly give him the wrong idea, but just keep getting to know him for now. Maybe you two will become closer and it will just become natural.

Again, though, just my thoughts and advice. You ultimately have to do what feels right for you. Good luck.