Hello im new to this and this is my first post,
I am 25 years old and my ex who i was seeing is now 23. She was my first love and only love we met when she was 18 years old and started dating at 19/20. we Split 6-7 months(Jan-Feb) ago we had a lot going on and it was too much for me to handle, as i was doing my final year of my degree and soldiering at the same time. The break was initially pretty bad for her, it was for me too but i had to try focus my attention on my degree and work. during this time i took leave from the army and smoked a lot of weed to take my mind on things. i got the grades that i wanted in a degree that im never going to use ever.
During her birthday(april) i didn't want to contact her but i had her friend added on instagram and i liked a picture of them both. She called me that day and she told me shes moving away now to another city and if i say the word she won't move and stay. I didn't want her to stay because of me and she also had a decent paying job going for her.
As soon as i finished university i went on holiday(During May) with my close friends and i was constantly thinking of her. as Soon as i finished my holiday i used this time to sober up because i had to go back to the army. I went back and just came off deployment from Cyprus(End of September).
This is when it hit me, that i made the biggest mistake of my life. I looked up Instagram and had a feeling that she is seeing someone else. not only that but i started seeing loads of signs that reminded me of her. So i decided to call her, we spoke briefly and she told me that she is seeing someone and shes happy.
This crushed me but i hide my emotions, the next two weeks ive been constantly thinking about the mistake i made of losing her. So i spoke to her close friend for some advice and how i could move on. She told me not to contact her and leave her alone but she also said that if you do want to contact her tell her you want to marry her.
She contacted me the next to days and told me that if you have anything to say now is the opportunity, we spoke for 3-4 hours on the phone and i told her if i didn't go university i would have married her and took her with me. it was emotional and we were also talking about the things that went wrong in the relationship. i told her i am leaving on my next deployment and she told me to call after i get back.
Since the call, she has now blocked me.
I have no idea what to do, i can't sleep or eat properly and im also going back on a short deployment in 1 weeks time. Any advice would be great
Do you think i am too late?