Just a quick question

[TheEvilJester]

Good point, GLYC. I hadn't thought of that, actually. I took the question at its face value. That this was just a question about giving gifts to a female who is only a friend. ....IF it just so happens InderJoky wants her to be more than a friend, then I fully agree with GLYC. This actually reminds me of another recent discussion we were having in a different thread about the difference between being nice and being "TOO nice." This, to me, would fall under being "TOO nice" if what you really want is to ask her out. You shouldn't go out of your way to be nice hoping she'll think you are such a great guy that she'll want to be with you.

In fact, something like this could be entirely counter-productive if dating her is your end goal. You being THIS nice, but not asking her out could lead her to believe you are just friends, and that you aren't interested in anything more. Heck, even if she COULD have been interested in you as more than friends, you run the risk of reinforcing the "just friends" sort of vibes to the point where she may not be able to stop seeing you as only a friend even if she otherwise could have.

So, if you DO want to be more than friends with her, I would agree with everything GLYC said. If you don't and you two literally are JUST friends and you have no interest in changing that.... I still personally stand by my thoughts on the matter. That there are certain types of gifts that just don't have the right connotation to give to somebody who is just a friend. But, again, not two people are the same in this world. If it works for you, it works for you.

[breathe123]

Pretty sure this is AT95's alt account, think he made another on the same topic before. If you like her then tell her, simple.

[InderJoky]

I will say. You're making the classic mistake of being the nice gay guyfriend, assuming you want this woman romantically.
You searched and found loveforum, and these are your only posts? You made an entire topic on this. So I would assume you do want her.

Make your intentions clear and ask her out already. Forget the gifts.
Real men go for what they want, if you hesitate, you get auto-rejected.

The problem now though is that she likely already only sees you as a friend at this point.

PS by no means, am I saying it's wrong to have female friends, even beautiful ones, but you do need to be clear in your intent, always, assuming you want more.

Good point, GLYC. I hadn't thought of that, actually. I took the question at its face value. That this was just a question about giving gifts to a female who is only a friend. ....IF it just so happens InderJoky wants her to be more than a friend, then I fully agree with GLYC. This actually reminds me of another recent discussion we were having in a different thread about the difference between being nice and being "TOO nice." This, to me, would fall under being "TOO nice" if what you really want is to ask her out. You shouldn't go out of your way to be nice hoping she'll think you are such a great guy that she'll want to be with you.

In fact, something like this could be entirely counter-productive if dating her is your end goal. You being THIS nice, but not asking her out could lead her to believe you are just friends, and that you aren't interested in anything more. Heck, even if she COULD have been interested in you as more than friends, you run the risk of reinforcing the "just friends" sort of vibes to the point where she may not be able to stop seeing you as only a friend even if she otherwise could have.

So, if you DO want to be more than friends with her, I would agree with everything GLYC said. If you don't and you two literally are JUST friends and you have no interest in changing that.... I still personally stand by my thoughts on the matter. That there are certain types of gifts that just don't have the right connotation to give to somebody who is just a friend. But, again, not two people are the same in this world. If it works for you, it works for you.

Well, I really like her as a friend and care about her and everything but I'm not that "in love" with her (at least not anymore).
I am still not sure what exactly I'm going to do but I will update you here, thanks to both of you!

[whlam66]

It depends on the gift that you are going to give and how close you are to the girl.
But generally, it is a bit inappropriate to buy those things for a normal friend.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I really like her as a friend and care about her and everything but I'm not that "in love" with her (at least not anymore).
I am still not sure what exactly I'm going to do but I will update you here, thanks to both of you!

Oh. I don't know why I thought you said you already DID get her a gift and were just curious about opinions. Maybe I'm mixing this thread up with another.

Again, if it were me personally.... Assuming she is just a friend and you don't necessarily have any interest of making it anything more than that.... I'd just get her a gift I know she'd appreciate, but not one that may potentially have the wrong kind of connotation. Without knowing her, I can't really say what that would be, but perhaps you have some ideas. As I've said, I just think some types of gifts (like flowers and jewelry) have more of a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of implication. So, were it me personally, I wouldn't get something like that.

[InderJoky]

Oh. I don't know why I thought you said you already DID get her a gift and were just curious about opinions. Maybe I'm mixing this thread up with another.

Again, if it were me personally.... Assuming she is just a friend and you don't necessarily have any interest of making it anything more than that.... I'd just get her a gift I know she'd appreciate, but not one that may potentially have the wrong kind of connotation. Without knowing her, I can't really say what that would be, but perhaps you have some ideas. As I've said, I just think some types of gifts (like flowers and jewelry) have more of a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of implication. So, were it me personally, I wouldn't get something like that.

I think that I just confused you with my last post.
I didn't buy her the gift yet since we didn't decide when exactly we're going to meet
(you know,so there will be warranty and all this) and I'm not even sure yet what I'm going to get her if I will.
I've been thinking maybe about a cute pajama but I'm really out of ideas.
oh and about -

(I already did that)

I meant that I already did that in the past.. (and actually all the gifts that I described are the one's I gave her)
(teddy bears [too much teddy bears lol] , chocolate jewerly and etc]
Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[TheEvilJester]

Ah! Okay. That's okay, that's my misunderstanding. I didn't realize you'd meant you have already done that in THE PAST. Was it also with this same girl or was that other women? If it was the same girl, do you think she seemed to be okay with it at the time? Like, did you sense that it made her at all uncomfortable or at all gave her the wrong impression? I mean, not that you'd necessarily know for sure, but sometimes you can kind of tell.

If it never bothered her before, then I guess it is fine now. I don't see why it would bother her now if not before. Unless maybe she has a boyfriend now and didn't before. That could make a difference. And again, as others have pointed out, there is also the factor of what exactly are your intentions with her? If you don't like her as more than friends and don't see that changing, then even more so better to be careful not to give any gift that would give her the impression otherwise. If you DO want to be more than friends, then it is honestly better just to actually go ahead and ask her out (as long as she is single) rather than keep dancing around it.

The more time you spend being friendly with women without asking them out, the more likely it is the very well could start to see you as too much of a friend to ever date.... even if they could have felt differently earlier. So, a lot of what to do is sort of up to your specific situation.

Good luck to you either way.

[InderJoky]

Ah! Okay. That's okay, that's my misunderstanding. I didn't realize you'd meant you have already done that in THE PAST. Was it also with this same girl or was that other women? If it was the same girl, do you think she seemed to be okay with it at the time? Like, did you sense that it made her at all uncomfortable or at all gave her the wrong impression? I mean, not that you'd necessarily know for sure, but sometimes you can kind of tell.

If it never bothered her before, then I guess it is fine now. I don't see why it would bother her now if not before. Unless maybe she has a boyfriend now and didn't before. That could make a difference. And again, as others have pointed out, there is also the factor of what exactly are your intentions with her? If you don't like her as more than friends and don't see that changing, then even more so better to be careful not to give any gift that would give her the impression otherwise. If you DO want to be more than friends, then it is honestly better just to actually go ahead and ask her out (as long as she is single) rather than keep dancing around it.

The more time you spend being friendly with women without asking them out, the more likely it is the very well could start to see you as too much of a friend to ever date.... even if they could have felt differently earlier. So, a lot of what to do is sort of up to your specific situation.

Good luck to you either way.

That's a hard one...
I mean, at least as I saw it, it didn't look like she had any problem to get gifts from me
and even when I first bought her a present it wasn't that awkward since we already were good friends
but seriously, I don't know what to do anymore.
Our friendship is not in its best shape right now so I'm trying to do anything I can not to lose her
but I don't think that I'm in the right position to change it anymore.
I just bought this morning the thing that I wanted to give her, I don't know what will happen there
but I'll make sure to update you here. Thank you very much man!

[TheEvilJester]

I guess that would really depend on some of the factors as to why your friendship is not in the best shape. Because, a gift is unlikely to change that for the better or the worse. If there are things you two can talk about and maybe therefore get through, that would be the best bet. Communication is important in any relationship, whether it is just a friendship or it is romantic. That's not just the case for romantic relationships.

On the other hand, sometimes depending upon what is wrong, a little time and distance is all that is needed. Some things don't need to be discussed per se (in fact, that may even just make things worse) it's just the sort of thing where time is needed to forgive and forget.

So, really depends on what happened and exactly why you two are not in the best state as friends right now. You don't have to share any further details if you don't want, but you can if you'd like more specific advice on that as well.

[InderJoky]

I guess that would really depend on some of the factors as to why your friendship is not in the best shape. Because, a gift is unlikely to change that for the better or the worse. If there are things you two can talk about and maybe therefore get through, that would be the best bet. Communication is important in any relationship, whether it is just a friendship or it is romantic. That's not just the case for romantic relationships.

On the other hand, sometimes depending upon what is wrong, a little time and distance is all that is needed. Some things don't need to be discussed per se (in fact, that may even just make things worse) it's just the sort of thing where time is needed to forgive and forget.

So, really depends on what happened and exactly why you two are not in the best state as friends right now. You don't have to share any further details if you don't want, but you can if you'd like more specific advice on that as well.

I wish that I knew what exactly is going on.
It's like, on one moment she can be very warm and friendly but on the other very distant and cold like we're total strangers.
I already tried to ask her about it but got no answer (well, she said that everything is fine but I'm not buying that)
I don't know, maybe I expect too much from her and the real problem is in me :/
Anyway, I will definitely update you w.e will happen after we will meet
thanks for helping me out.

[TheEvilJester]

Good luck. If she won't talk about it, not much you can do. That is a shame because I don't see how she can expect whatever is wrong to get better if she won't clue you in. It's not really fair to treat you like you've done something wrong but that be unwilling to just be honest with you and talk about it. Hopefully in time she either is willing to talk to you about it, or she just needed time to get over it and things will be fine.

Still, you shouldn't be okay with that unfair treatment forever. If it seems like this never changes, I would personally move on if I were you and just stop trying/stop being friends with her. You shouldn't have to basically force somebody to give you their time, otherwise they aren't really worthy of yours in the first place. Hopefully it never has to get to that, but at some point if she is unwilling to move on, you deserve to move on yourself. Good luck to you!

[InderJoky]

Good luck. If she won't talk about it, not much you can do. That is a shame because I don't see how she can expect whatever is wrong to get better if she won't clue you in. It's not really fair to treat you like you've done something wrong but that be unwilling to just be honest with you and talk about it. Hopefully in time she either is willing to talk to you about it, or she just needed time to get over it and things will be fine.

Still, you shouldn't be okay with that unfair treatment forever. If it seems like this never changes, I would personally move on if I were you and just stop trying/stop being friends with her. You shouldn't have to basically force somebody to give you their time, otherwise they aren't really worthy of yours in the first place. Hopefully it never has to get to that, but at some point if she is unwilling to move on, you deserve to move on yourself. Good luck to you!

I'm the one who's being ghosted most of the time not her that's how..
and that's probably the reason why she doesn't even see it that much as a 'problem'
because, why would you want to 'fix' something with someone who's just a friend for you
when you have million other options who's better then him, who lives closer to you and stuff.
I really want to believe that I'm wrong and that things will get changed and return to be back to normal but idk
I guess that it is my destiny :/

[Hooo!]

It’s not that I didn’t tell you before

But you just wanted to hear some opinions.
Well good luck with that attitude. I hope you get lucky.

[InderJoky]

It’s not that I didn’t tell you before

But you just wanted to hear some opinions.
Well good luck with that attitude. I hope you get lucky.

you're talking like it's so easy to turn off your emotions towards someone, I wish it was like that.

[GLYC]

you're talking like it's so easy to turn off your emotions towards someone, I wish it was like that.

You CAN learn it. I learned it.
I've been ghosted in the past a number of times, and actually, it was one of the greatest things for toughening my emotional strength.

I was invested in women, who really weren't invested or feeling the same way towards me. When they broke things off, it felt like a huge curveball.

When you get emotional strength, you will be infinitely times better than you are now. The truth is, even if you have a good amount of dating knowledge, you won't be able to use it properly if you arent emotionally strong.

There's also lots of useless and counter productive dating advice out there, if you're struggling,you will search for advice, and use it in times of desperation and dig yourself further away from your goals.

Remember, its always better to learn how to respond versus how to react. If you're unsure of what to do, take time, sleep on it and come back to it when you're emotionally leveled(respond).

It's a much better way then immediately saying something stupid and sticking your foot in your mouth (react).