He's always leaving me...

[LanieCD]

My bf and I have been together several months. In the beginning, he sort of swept me off my feet, told me to pick out a house, gave me a ring, we have joint checking accounts, and I stay home and take care of the house and my son from a previous marriage.

I know it's not ideal, moving so fast, but it is what it is. He said I was his dream girl, that he'd waited his whole life for someone like me, and I guess I was swept away by the romance of it. I'd been single two years before (I had trauma and therapy following an abusive relationship). My bf is a family friend, someone I'd known...it felt right. No one had ever treated me so well. Adored and valued and treasured.

When we first got together, our fights were fantastic. One of us would get mad, the other would try to see their viewpoint, and we'd work it out. No tears, no storming off, no silent treatment.

Then we moved in and had our first huge fight. I did something I regret in a fit of temper, and immediately realized it was the wrong thing and tried to apologize. He wouldn't hear it, told me he was done and left. I called him over and over begging for him to come home. He wouldn't, and finally when he did, he was a different person. Cold and laughing in my face as I cried and asked him to please work it out, that I'd made a mistake and I was sorry. He said no, I treat him like s*** and he didn't deserve that when he gives me everything. On and on. No sign of the person who loves me and wants to make a relationship work.

The next day, we made up, he apologized a million times, said he'd never leave me. I begged him to promise to always work on our problems and to not threaten to leave me just because he was angry, because that felt like a horrible trump card for a relationship that we are supposed to be committed to. He promised.

But it doesn't stay that way. Once a month (PMS), I get moodier and snappier. I try to apologize when I know I'm doing it, but sometimes I'm dealing with my own stuff that doesn't even have to do with him (PTSD, for instance). Without fail, it turns into a fight because I snap or get offended by something (like one day he asked me about my diet while I was eating an Oreo), and he tells he goodbye, that he's done being treated like s*** when he treats me like a queen and never does anything wrong, and he refuses to answer the phone or talk to me. The next morning, he will apologize, and the cycle continues.

Today I was triggered by a conversation that led me to relive a rape. I was filled with rage and disgust, and I know it was my own fault, but I suddenly snapped at him and told him if he was that into a certain act, then maybe he was gay.

And that was it. I hung up. He tried to call me, but my son was around and it wasn't something I wanted to discuss in front of him. About ten minutes later, I checked my messages and my BF had tried to call and sent the usual message telling me goodbye and he was done. This time, I told him I knew he didn't mean it, so I'd talk to him tomorrow.

Then he said, no, he'd had a devastating conversation with his own son with whom he's been trying to get me in touch for months, and I could join all the other people who don't love him and move on with my life. I immediately dropped my own issue because this was more important, but he refused to answer, just sending hate filled texts about how horrible I am to him and how he doesn't deserve it and so he's not coming home tomorrow for thanksgiving and goodbye. I begged him to talk to me and he wouldn't.

So now here we are. Another fight, another threat, and I don't know what to do. I suggested therapy but he said no. I know I'm not the only easiest person but most days he tells me how great I am to him and how he could never live without me. These fights only happen about once a month. But they are devastating and draining for me. I know I'm moody and temperamental. But I love him, and I try to work towards better communication and not taking my moods out on him. I do everything I can for him too. I take care of all of his legal stuff with child custody and his suspended license, I renew tags and keep his trucks and ATVs running and charged, make sure his bills are paid, etc. I love him him and genuinely just want to help him, and it doesn't seem to matter at all. None of it.

But I hate that he is always threatening to leave me every time we fight. Like it's always an ultimatum. And it's like he doesn't realize that my entire livelihood and that of my son rest on him, and he made a promise to take care and to love me, and so much is at stake for us...and he's always so willing to just throw it away like yesterday's news. I've suggested therapy and he says no. I try "I feel" statements and that just is like talking to a brick wall. I just don't know what to do.

I really have no place else to go and no way to support myself. And I don't know why he would beg to me to move in and commit to do much when he is so willing to just throw it away.

[Hooo!]

Actually if u treat him like shit why would u expect him to stay in the first place?

Do you love him?
Does he really love you?