Longing to be loved 2

[Hooo!]

Just do it.
Your old habit and thought is holding you back.
Don’t let your old self control the new happy you.
That is actually allying back into the old unhappy self.

The more happiness and joy and love you have it’s good
The more you SHARE those it’s wonderful

[TheEvilJester]

In time. Perhaps. I hope. For now, after the life I have lead, I am just being a little selfish. Not a bad selfish, per se. I just mean to say that I am saving this happy, loving feeling for ME right now because I just spent WAY too much time in my life without it. Right now, I have no motivation to share it. At least not to go out of my way to share it, specifically. Case in point, my example of my in-mask excursions (my conventions and stuff like that). I don't go to those with socializing specifically in mind.... but it does kind of just happen. So, I'm not CLOSING myself off to it completely... I'm just presently not actively seeking it out. I'm passively open to it.

Hopefully I'll motivate myself to change that soon. For now, we should focus this thread on somebody else. I guess there's not much more to cover with me.

PC, and updates from you? Maybe we can drive this back to you since this was originally your thread.

[pcmaster]

Everything is pretty quiet for me, right now. Will update monday on how things goes.

[pcmaster]

Jester you might think that you choose to be alone deliberately but it also might be sign of deep pain and fear. Think about it.

[TheEvilJester]

LOL! There you go again, PC. Believe me, I don't blame you. Those kind of things are the same conclusions everybody draws. No matter how much I explain myself, it's like I might as well not bother. I've said this many times. I've dealt with plenty of pain in my life. I've survived it all. It makes me stronger for it. I'm not afraid to suffer through all that again....I just don't think I should have to. I've been stuck in a sort of limbo, not for fear of anything I may face should I try.... but out of sheer enjoyment of the newfound self appreciation I've found for the first time ever in my life.

My past, my clueless nature in the world of love.... they hold no pain for me any longer. I could honestly see myself trying again and literally not caring if things don't go that well.... because at least I have me now. It's just, right now, I don't even care to bother. I'm enjoying my time with me for now. Hopefully I will desire to share that with a special somebody some day in the not so distant future... but for now I am in a good place, and I want to enjoy that.

[pcmaster]

So update on my love life. We wanted to meet sunday but her parrents had anniversary so they went all family to Lithuania on a trip. She said she will try to be home before 7 but didnt made it so we decidet to meet today - monday.

It was great. It went as planned. I bring her red and white roses. She wasnt very excited about them but said thanks , they are beautiful. Besides she had fresh flowers already in her vase, what she trowed out to put my roses in it.

Anyway we watched movies and kissed a lot, we kissed fast and slow. At the beginning we were sitting but I suggested to get horizontal and from there it was much nicer. We talked and laughted, talked seriously and about stuff that dont matter. I told her compliments about how beautiful she are. BTW I downloaded 3 books about relationship and remember one question from them, it was - If I had to say good things about personality, what would you think it be? She didnt knew, so I started. I said she would probably say about me that Im nice, good hearted.
At some points I were really turned on. I knew she was a bit turned on too, didnt try to make her feel like fire cause I want to take things slow. Still had to really hold myself back. Think sex would be possible if I wanted it. Again didnt wanted to trick her into it by turning her on a lot.
Today when chatting I wrote that I want to lick her. and I did it as planed - licked her cheek.
Also I used one kiss technicue I saw Julien was using - like kissing but not kissing, but actually teasing and then in the end giving actuall kiss. It was hard to leave her cause I wanted to stay.

[TheEvilJester]

That all sounds pretty great, PC. It sounds like things are moving along nicely. How long have you two been seeing each other again? And how many dates so far?

I think you are definitely on the right track by trying to take things slowly and not progress into a sexual relationship right away. Take time first to get to know her and know if she's somebody you really like, or just somebody who is fun for now. If you just want somebody who is fun for now, there are plenty of women you could find who would be fine with that as well. But, if you think this girl has potential to be somebody really special, take time to enjoy that and figure that out. Sex can complicate things.... which CAN be good, but can also be bad. I'm certainly not saying you wait forever, of course. LOL! That could be just as bad. But, I think you are on a pretty good track right now. Good luck. I hope you have continued success with this gal.

[pcmaster]

Well we been seeing each other since october again. This was third time we met again. Before that we met on november, thats where I was already decided that I want to be more than friends.

Anyway she seems kind of evil cause last time we were watching girly movies(relationships, romance) and I got borried, said next time we will watch movies on laptop, but she said we will watch horor movies(horror is her favorite type) But I like horror the least and she knows that. Anyway that is not big thing but today after work she went to another city and when I asked what she will be doing there she said she already told me on monday. But I dont recall it, might be she told me cause people are saying I forgot a lot of things. She said she wont say twice in future. It hurt cause I really need to hear twice sometimes to remeber and sometimes I just dont hear things. However wanted to meet her today but no luck I guess.

[Hooo!]

Stop putting sex on a pedestal

You are pressuring girls acting the macho
But when it finally is time to put your dick out and start the action you stop

And then you wonder why women lose interest in you

You enjoy putting your tongue into her mouth?
I don’t see why you are so fussed about that.

There’s attitude towards sex or something related that holds you back

You scared your dick is to small or you not gonna get an erwction or you not gonna do it before marriage or what is the problem

I don’t understand

What is the point of making out with anyone if you don’t want to have sex with them?

Here is a hint. If she shaved her legs she is probably expecting it
If she enjoys kissing you thoroughly you are fine to give it a go

She will tell you no if she doesn’t want it (yet)

[pcmaster]

Not so much afraid anymore. Now feeling more confident. Last time I was holding myself back to have sex, was turned on a lot. When I put my hand down under her shirt she was thinking I will try to get in her pants and said no. I said I want to take everything slow.

[TheEvilJester]

Maybe I'm just the wrong person to ask... but at this point they've only been on a few dates. I don't think it is wrong, or "putting sex on a pedestal" to have not tried to move things into the bedroom yet. Don't get me wrong. If you want any kind of lasting relationship you definitely want to try to move things in that direction before too long. But, being too pushy about it, or trying to move in that direction too soon can make it seem like that is all you want. I seem to recall PC mentioning issues with that in the past, where some women complained to him that he talked about sex too much/too early. So, I think practicing some restraint is definitely good.

Though, I will definitely agree that at some point you do have to make your intentions clear. Don't do anything ungentlemanly, of course. If you try to move things in that direction naturally, you will likely be able to tell if she's receptive or reluctant. That will help you to know whether to proceed or pull back. And, of course, communication is key. So, I do agree that if you two are getting to the point of making out, of feeling each others bodies, etc. then it seems natural to proceed further as well. Again, if she shows signs of being reluctant or even outright says no, then stop... but if you never try to move to that next level then she could very well start to lose interest waiting.

Anyways, feel free to continue to share updates with us as you have them. I'm rooting for you.

[Hooo!]

Well I don’t have any history of his quite so much in mind
It just astonishes me that he repeatedly starts making out but doesn’t have sex with the women he dates

A common ground for pick up artists is that it takes roughly 8hours of face to face contact before people have sex with each other

I would personally invest way more time Ansbach would not push it
However if you take this as a rough frame of time for me this means
If you are over that frame of mind AND the woman in question wants or would not mind sleeping with you then that is the time where you lose attraction and seduction if you refrain from sex

Or to put it simpler
Not having sex is not necessarily an advantage

[pcmaster]

BTW this is the same girl who complained I talk too much about sex and seem shallow that way. This is the third girl I dated over last year. We started to meet in march and had 3 dates + once I went to exhibition she worked but our contact sucked there. Anyway she dumped me twice and then I just stopped messaging her but she started to like all my FB posts(no one likes my FB posts) and sometimes was texting me too. So yeah I read my date history and it seemed like nothing is ended that I understood all my mistakes and understood all her reactions and its been half a year break since we started to date again. We always stayed friends on FB and was in touch at least every few months.

Sure its much easier to have sex with girls first and then enter relationship. But first I want to check if relationship will be worth it or even possible. I want to be sure before having sex. Sure this might be impossible since it takes like a year to get to know a person but so far things dont goes so great as we dont meet regular and theres no initiation of contact from her 90% of time and sometimes she even ignores my texts.
Time we spend together is really great and worth it, that makes it feel like its worth the wait and struggle.

[Hooo!]

That is exactly what I mean with putting sex on a pedestal
You talk
But no action

You want to spend a year with a woman and then somehow miraculously have sec with her?

Well if I want to make sure a relationship is possible with a girl then I’d want to make sure that the intimacy and sex life in our relationship will be great.

Besides all of that
If I like a woman
And she likes me
And we both like sex I do not see ANy reason not to have it

It’s like: you like video games
She likes video games
Your not gonna play together tho because you first want to know who she is as a person?

That’s ridiculous

[pcmaster]

With video games you dont get so close and attached as with sex. Diferen hormones is involved with touch, and orgasm is another hormone coctail, even studies show that people get attached just by sleeping in one bed.
Im not sure if I like sex. I never had it, want it but not so sure if it will make things better or worse.