I can't get over an old crush

[Billybobjoe]

In 5-6th grade, I had a crush on a girl in my class. I know it's young, and at first I thought It was a silly little thing, but near the end of 6th grade it's like my heart caught on fire. We knew each other quite a bit and were alright friends. But when we went to jr high, we went to different schools. At the end of 6th grade I wanted to tell her so badly how I felt, but I just... couldn't. I tried three times on the last day of school, and every time, my voice stopped. Anyway, now I'm in 8th grade, and I still think about her 5 times a day, every single day. I've thought about making contact with her again, but am too afraid of rejection or coming across as creepy. I've written poetry about my feelings for her, but if anything, that made it worse. There's a little word thing she and I made together, and part of it is my phones passcode. I literally have a playlist on Spotify with her name as the title filled with love songs (I know, TOTALLY not creepy at all). But, no matter how many times I try, I can't get over her. Does anyone have good ideas? Please?

[Hooo!]

The whole idea of getting over someone is ridiculous

Also you don’t think about her
The person you think about doesn’t exist anylonger.
You just like the idea of this imagined Woman.

Also I want to add that you miss all shots you don’t take.
If you don’t get into contact with her you won’t have any chance to get to know the girl she really is inside.
My guess is that you will however not pay attention to her anyways because you are not thinking of her but of the idea of her you hold so dear. Those are not the same.

[TheEvilJester]

You are young yet. So, if nothing ever comes of this you WILL eventually get past her and find somebody else. Hooo is very right in that you haven't gotten to know her enough to like her so much. You like the idea of who and what you think she MAY BE. Unfortunately, you've never gotten the chance to get to know her better to learn if maybe she could truly be just what you think or maybe even more.

You've got a crush. We've all been there. The best advice I think I could give is that it IS okay to have a crush... but you also need to learn to engage your intellectual side enough to be able to understand that she could very easily turn out not to be what you thought at all. Maybe you'd go out with her only to find that you two are not a good match at all. ....Or maybe you'd go out and learn you two make a GREAT match. You wouldn't know unless you tried.

So, IF it is still possible to reach out to her in some way, I would say go for it. As Hooo said, you can't win if you don't even play. (Hooo used a different analogy, but you get my meaning.) If you don't try, you'll never known. You'll always be left wondering "what if?" If you try and she rejects you.... Yes, that will suck.... but at least you will know and can move on. I think that is a huge part of why you haven't been able to forget here even after it has been about two years. Because you never even gave yourself the chance.

Don't get me wrong. I of all people understand. I've always been RIDICULOUSLY shy, and even more so around women. So I understand it isn't so easy to ask her out. If it were, you would have. I'm just saying, there is no way to get past that other than by trying. So, if you CAN still reach out to her.... do that. Talk to her, and if it seems like that goes well, ask her out.

The only thing I would NOT suggest you do is to gush at her. In other words, I wouldn't send her any love poetry, or tell her you are madly in love with her or anything like that. That stuff can come later if you two hit it off really well and become boyfriend and girlfriend. If you come too hard too fast you could just wind up scaring her off. Much better to just approach it like she is any other girl. Ask her out in a way that suggests you are asking her out because you are legitimately interested.... but not in a way that makes it seem like your world will crumble if she says no.

Hopefully you sort of get what I mean. That's kind of hard to explain, but I hope you get my meaning. Good luck to you! I hope you get a chance with this gal after all. But, if not, there are plenty of women out there who could be interested in you some day. Don't get too heart broken over just one. Good luck.

[GLYC]

It's hard because you build up a fantasy of the other person without really having all the structure to base it on.

I still encounter that today at 25. Have an amazing date, with really great chemistry, and my mind wants to jump ahead and place the woman immediately on a pedestal when she hasn't really earned it yet or I haven't completely reply gotten to know her.

Make a move. Message her, make your intent known, you're in 8th grade, so see if she wants to see a movie, or grab pizza or something together.

If she declines or is wishy washy, just write it off. It's going to hurt for a good amount of time in your case, since you're young, but it'll heal and the experience will only help you.

[Billybobjoe]

I didn't mention this a lot, but this girl and I really had become friends. We did spend some time together, talked a lot, and overall had a great time for the one and a half year. I hadn't set her on a pedestal five thousand feet above my head or anything, or had imagined anything about her. She knew a lot about me, I knew a lot about her, but I just didn't have any courage. Plus, I personally didn't understand the "asking the or the person out" thing. What would happen? How would it work? I'm just... not really sure.

[GLYC]

What would happen? She would know you have romantic interest. Which could lead to fun filled dates.
If you don't take action, or hesitate, you get auto rejected.

Youre overthinking it really.
Attraction isn't really a choice. She's either into you enough to go out with you, or she isn't

[Hooo!]

You physically and verbally escalate

If you do not know how to do this: do Carlos escalation ladder PDF are your google hit words

I personally prefer long deep eye contact and linger a little with the touch. I also act with intent and or purpose.

[Billybobjoe]

Last question: I'm only in 8th grade, and i have no idea what kind of parental support I would get, if any. Would my parents support me? Would the not? How would they take to me liking this girl, and wanting to hang out with her, and such? I'm afraid to bring it up, because it could become very awkward, very easily.

[Hooo!]

Buy condoms

[Billybobjoe]

I meant them reacting to the supposed possible relationship, not THAT.

[Hooo!]

Well how are we supposed to know how you parents act?

How about asking them that you want to have sex with a beautiful girl from your class but your not sure how they would react to it?

[TheEvilJester]

It's hard because you build up a fantasy of the other person without really having all the structure to base it on.

I still encounter that today at 25. Have an amazing date, with really great chemistry, and my mind wants to jump ahead and place the woman immediately on a pedestal when she hasn't really earned it yet or I haven't completely reply gotten to know her.

Hell, as something of a life-long hopeless romantic, I still encounter that NOW and I'm in my early/mid 30's. Of course, these days I have learned and adapted for it. So, when I am crushing on a particular gal, sure there is still that part of me thinking all those amazing things about her before I even really know for sure.... but I also have learned to better engage my intellectual side as well to realize that she hasn't yet earned those thoughts because I haven't yet gotten to know her enough. That even if we did go out, it could turn out she's completely not a good match for me at all. I'm not saying it is easy, but you get better at it with practice.

You are young yet, Billy. It will get easier with time and practice. As far as your parents, talk to them about it if you'd like. We can't know how your parents would react since we don't know them. I am sure they would have concerns, but they most likely would also want you to be happy. Safe (of course) but happy. So, even if their initial reaction is one of concern, it probably comes out of love and out of wanting the best for you. But, you are right around the age where kids start dating, so I would think they should be expecting it to happen soon enough.

Good luck to you.