I'm feeling tired, but don't know if it's alright

[NinaDreams]

My boyfriend and I have been together over 2 years (minus a 5 month break up long ago).

I love him deeply and we are a pretty happy couple. Fights and arguments are incredibly minimal, though we've had an issue or two we've worked through together.

Given that this Summer will be the 3rd anniversary of our first date, I'm finding myself wanting more with him. I'm almost 36, he's 44 and neither one of us have been married before (though he was engaged at one point and very close). We don't have, nor do we want, children.

I mentioned to him this past fall (maybe 4 months ago) that I was wanting more with him, and wanted to discuss the future, including marriage and living together. He didn't really dismiss the idea, but said he wasn't ready to start putting those plans in motion. He said we could have continued conversation about the future, however. I respected that though, we haven't discussed it since.

We have done all of the holiday couple 'things' together: Christmas with one another's parents, plans with one another's friends.

I spend one week night a week with him, and we are together all weekend long, from Friday night until Sunday afternoon.

Couple of things:

1) I always drive to his house during the week night stay. I have an older cat who I have had as my beloved companion for 14 years. This means I drive home from work to check on her, pack my bag, then drive to his house which is 20-30 minutes away from my house. By the time I get to his house, it's usually 7-8 pm. It's becoming exhausting to do this once week.
2) I pick him up Friday after work and drive him back to my house with me to save on gas so he doesn't have to drive separately. We leave my house Saturday mornings, I stay with him Saturday mid day until late Sunday afternoons. This means that the vast majority of the weekend is spent at his house. This means I have no time on weekends to get anything done at my own house, and my cat is also left alone again, which is less than ideal.
3) within the last few months, he has agreed to come stay at my house Friday nights to eliminate me being away from my pet and my home so much. It's done little to help how exhausted I feel.



I'm just feeling exhausted with all of the running. I run from work to home to his house Wednesdays. I run to pick him up Fridays after work and take him back to my place. We leave my place Saturday mornings and go to his house then I run back home Sunday only to get ready for another work week Sunday night.


It's getting to the point where I no longer want to go to his house during the week; not because I don't want to see him, not because I don't truly and deeply miss him, but because I'm just.so.tired. I feel like I've been constantly packing, unpacking, running, and driving for 2 years.

Not to mention, I'm hardly ever in my OWN HOME.

This is some of the reason I want us to move in together; I wouldn't have to miss him, wouldn't have to do all of this running, wouldn't have to sacrifice time away from my own home, wouldn't have to leave my beloved companion/pet.

Am I just being a baby about this? Or is it something (a chat and some action) that is long overdue?

[madotnw_nihs]

I don't think you are a baby or asking too much. After dating a couple years, it's natural to want to move in together if you see a future together. The problem is that he just doesn't want to make that commitment.
Do you the reasons he doesn't want to move in together?

[NinaDreams]

I don't think you are a baby or asking too much. After dating a couple years, it's natural to want to move in together if you see a future together. The problem is that he just doesn't want to make that commitment.
Do you the reasons he doesn't want to move in together?

Thank you for responding. He said that he had been burned before and doesn't want to rush into anything but that I shouldn't assume that he doesn't want the same things I do.

He was engaged around 5 years ago, she cheated on him during the engagement, called off the wedding, and left him for another man. They've been broken up for around 4 years now, and haven't spoken in 3.

When we had this conversation and he mentioned he'd been burned before, I told him nearly everyone has, and his failed engagement from years ago is no longer a valid reason to stall things with me.

I miss him when I'm not with him and I'm just tired of running. I wish he'd at least talk about it.

[madotnw_nihs]

Is he willing to alternate staying at your place every other week?