My girlfriend’s vegan. Need some tips and insights

[michaelv2]

I’m a lover of food and international cuisines. It’s because of my cravings that I decided to try out attending a romance tour in Thailand. From there, I was able to meet and date a woman who is now my girlfriend. When I was in Thailand, we went to some of her favorite restaurants and places.
I love the food as much as I love her but there was one thing that surprised me and it was that it turns out she’s a vegan. I have nothing against people’s taste pallets or vegan’s in particular, but I’m wondering how she would react when she tries out some of my favorite dishes. I’m a meat lover since birth and some of my favorite cuisines includes red meat and chicken.
I was thinking if her being a vegan would somehow affect our relationship. What do you guys think? I’m looking for some insights and personal opinions here especially from those who are together with vegans as well. Thanks a ton!

[TheEvilJester]

I have to admit, I've always been interested about that myself. I've always been curious if/how vegan or vegetarian folks manage to have relationships with non-vegan/vegetarians. I mean, on the surface you would think people's diet shouldn't necessarily be a huge factor in whether or not they'll date each other. ....But if you think about it, how would they ever eat together? And would the vegan person in the relationship be okay with living with somebody who eats meat? Imagine if the relationship goes well and they get married. Are they going to have to prepare essentially two meals every night, one for the vegan and one for the person who eats meat? Would the vegan in the relationship be okay with that?

I've always been kind of curious about that for a number of reasons. First off, I LOVE animals and wish so badly that I COULD be a vegetarian or vegan.... but I've just eaten meat since I was little and my parents fed it to me. I've been eating it since long before I was even old enough to understand the arguments behind why maybe some don't want to eat meat. And, the fact is, I love meat. Most of my favorite foods involve meat. I don't think I ever COULD be a vegetarian/vegan. So, I always wondered if I met somebody great.... but she was a vegan, would that work or would she not be willing to be with somebody who eats meat?

Anyways, sorry, bit of a semi-related tangent there. I can't offer you any insight from somebody who HAS had this experience. However, the one thing I can tell you is that you should definitely NOT share any of your favorite meals with her without consulting with her first. Usually when somebody is a vegan/vegetarian, it is a very conscious and deliberate decision. Meaning they are a vegan because they very much WANT to be. In other words, she probably won't want to eat meat, no matter how much it may be your favorite dish. It wouldn't be meant as any offense to you, it is just that it probably goes against her personal beliefs.

So, you DEFINITELY shouldn't feed her something and not tell her it is meat. But, I would even go further to say you shouldn't even prepare a meal without first asking her about it. It would be one thing if you didn't know she was a vegan, and you prepared the dish. Then that is an honest mistake on your part. She still shouldn't have to eat it (again, it is going against her beliefs) but she at least shouldn't be offended since you didn't know. But you DO know she is a vegan, so to expect her to eat a dish with meat would be insensitive on your part.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't at least ask. Maybe something like "Hey, I kind of wanted to share one of my favorite dishes with you, but it DOES have meat. Do you not eat meat at all, or is that still something you might try? I definitely understand either way, but I thought I'd at least offer."

I guess whether or not you two would work out in a relationship sort of depends on just how adamant she is in her beliefs that led her to be vegan. In other words, it seems unlikely she'll change her own mind.... but the deciding factor would be how accepting she is of people who aren't vegan/vegetarian. Of people who DO eat meat. I am sure there are some vegans/vegetarians out there who simply couldn't be with somebody who eats meat, just as I am sure there are some who wouldn't care if their partner eats meat just as long as they don't have to.

So, I suppose it really comes down to that. You can't force her to change her beliefs, but at the same time she can't expect you to stop eating meat either unless you actually want to stop anyway. I will say, though, I'm hoping some others here actually DO have experience with a vegan dating a non-vegan because I've always been curious how that works out.

[madotnw_nihs]

Evil, Romance tours are more spammage. But some day, a real poster will actually go on a romance tour and we won't respond.

[TheEvilJester]

Again? Really? I don't get it. That doesn't make any sense. He didn't mention any specific web site, he didn't even really go into that much detail about how they found each other. If this were just cleverly disguised spam, I'd expect this glowing testimony like (I found the most wonderful woman on XYZ web site and we are so in love.... but <insert fake question here>...

If this is spam, this is TERRIBLE spam. Seeing this, if I even WANTED to, how would I know/find the website this is supposedly spamming. You've definitely been right in the past, so I don't doubt there is a pretty good chance you are right now. I just don't get it, though.

...But, hey, I actually AM legitimately curious about this topic anyway. So even if it IS spam, I'm still curious if anybody else has had experience in vegan/non-vegan relationships.

[peace.fairy]

[MENTION=41475]The[/MENTION]EveilJester I have been a vegetarian for about 4 years now. I used to think the same way like you that I CAN'T be a vegetarian. I used to eat meat every day with almost every meal and I loved it. And then once I took up a challenge to not eat meat for 1 month and I loved it even more and never looked back. I'd suggest you give it a go. Just for one month. It's not that difficult and I became so much better at cooking ever since I stopped eating meat.
[MENTION=87018]michaelv2[/MENTION] NEVER give her meat or some non vegan food without telling her what it is. Being a vegan/vegetarian is more of a moral choice not just a taste thing. And sorry to disappoint you but I don't think she will be into trying out your favorite meat dishes if she's a vegan. That's not something a vegan would do.

Since I became a vegetarian I have dated guys who eat meat, but it never was a problem for me if he wanted to eat meat and I would just eat whatever I wanted. Somehow we always found food we could both enjoy. And if he wanted he would just add some meat to his plate.
I wondered a lot if I ever got married to someone who does eat meat, how would that go. I definitely would never prepare meals with meat in them. If he wanted he could do it himself, I wouldn't mind him keeping meats in a fridge or eating it next to me. I think it all depends on people. I can't speak for all vegetarians though, I know a girl who doesn't eat meat but still prepares it sometimes for her husband. I believe it could cause some problems when raising kids, but again it all depends on people. And being a hopeless romantic I believe sincerely that if you love each other vegan - non vegan should not be any problem at all.
Though it is sooooo much easier to date a vegetarian. But it's more because we share the same values. It all goes a bit deeper than just not eating something. And it's always fun to share some new recipes or some places to eat that serve good vegetarian food.

[michaelv2]

I have to admit, I've always been interested about that myself. I've always been curious if/how vegan or vegetarian folks manage to have relationships with non-vegan/vegetarians. I mean, on the surface you would think people's diet shouldn't necessarily be a huge factor in whether or not they'll date each other. ....But if you think about it, how would they ever eat together? And would the vegan person in the relationship be okay with living with somebody who eats meat? Imagine if the relationship goes well and they get married. Are they going to have to prepare essentially two meals every night, one for the vegan and one for the person who eats meat? Would the vegan in the relationship be okay with that?

I've always been kind of curious about that for a number of reasons. First off, I LOVE animals and wish so badly that I COULD be a vegetarian or vegan.... but I've just eaten meat since I was little and my parents fed it to me. I've been eating it since long before I was even old enough to understand the arguments behind why maybe some don't want to eat meat. And, the fact is, I love meat. Most of my favorite foods involve meat. I don't think I ever COULD be a vegetarian/vegan. So, I always wondered if I met somebody great.... but she was a vegan, would that work or would she not be willing to be with somebody who eats meat?

Anyways, sorry, bit of a semi-related tangent there. I can't offer you any insight from somebody who HAS had this experience. However, the one thing I can tell you is that you should definitely NOT share any of your favorite meals with her without consulting with her first. Usually when somebody is a vegan/vegetarian, it is a very conscious and deliberate decision. Meaning they are a vegan because they very much WANT to be. In other words, she probably won't want to eat meat, no matter how much it may be your favorite dish. It wouldn't be meant as any offense to you, it is just that it probably goes against her personal beliefs.

So, you DEFINITELY shouldn't feed her something and not tell her it is meat. But, I would even go further to say you shouldn't even prepare a meal without first asking her about it. It would be one thing if you didn't know she was a vegan, and you prepared the dish. Then that is an honest mistake on your part. She still shouldn't have to eat it (again, it is going against her beliefs) but she at least shouldn't be offended since you didn't know. But you DO know she is a vegan, so to expect her to eat a dish with meat would be insensitive on your part.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't at least ask. Maybe something like "Hey, I kind of wanted to share one of my favorite dishes with you, but it DOES have meat. Do you not eat meat at all, or is that still something you might try? I definitely understand either way, but I thought I'd at least offer."

I guess whether or not you two would work out in a relationship sort of depends on just how adamant she is in her beliefs that led her to be vegan. In other words, it seems unlikely she'll change her own mind.... but the deciding factor would be how accepting she is of people who aren't vegan/vegetarian. Of people who DO eat meat. I am sure there are some vegans/vegetarians out there who simply couldn't be with somebody who eats meat, just as I am sure there are some who wouldn't care if their partner eats meat just as long as they don't have to.

So, I suppose it really comes down to that. You can't force her to change her beliefs, but at the same time she can't expect you to stop eating meat either unless you actually want to stop anyway. I will say, though, I'm hoping some others here actually DO have experience with a vegan dating a non-vegan because I've always been curious how that works out.

Hey, this is really great advice, thanks! You're right, this is definitely something we need to talk about, and I'll bring it up to her. Thanks so much for the really thought out reply!

- - - Updated - - -

Evil, Romance tours are more spammage. But some day, a real poster will actually go on a romance tour and we won't respond.

Hey, I'm really sorry if this came off as spam, this was not my intention at all. But thanks for taking the time to respond anyways!

[bunnyhabit]

I think every restaurant have vegetarian choices on menu. every one i have been at does. i am a vegetarian i only eat seafood, vegetables and fruits

i have boyfriend that eat animals and is no problem. you think she will be mad if you eat meat? that would be very unusual i believe.

[TheEvilJester]

[MENTION=41475]TheEveilJester I have been a vegetarian for about 4 years now. I used to think the same way like you that I CAN'T be a vegetarian. I used to eat meat every day with almost every meal and I loved it. And then once I took up a challenge to not eat meat for 1 month and I loved it even more and never looked back. I'd suggest you give it a go. Just for one month. It's not that difficult and I became so much better at cooking ever since I stopped eating meat.

Honestly, I am not really even sure how I would ever begin. ALL... literally ALL of my meals I eat on a regular basis have meat as the main course. Honest to God, I would actually not hesitate to classify it as an addiction. It has just been the way it is in my life for as long as I can remember. Again, like I said, since I was born, basically, that was just how we ate without even a thought that there was any other way, or anything wrong with it at all.

I had always kind of thought, maybe if I actually had a vegetarian or vegan girlfriend, then maybe I could do it with somebody's help. Because, a large part of it is that I honestly just wouldn't even know how to go about it. But, again, there's still the fact that I love meat. I wish I didn't, but I do. About my favorite meal in the whole world when I am indulging is a burger and fries. Maybe some day I'll take time to do some research on a number of different perfectly filling and delicious meals that are vegetarian/vegan approved and give it a go. I just am not sure if it would really work for me.

I'm also kind of curious... how expensive is it? I've heard vegetarian/vegan stuff can be so much more expensive. I have managed to find a number of great meals for myself that I enjoy the heck out of... but they are crazy inexpensive. I like that. It's almost like a game I play with myself finding how many delicious and filling meals I can find that are crazy cheap.

Sorry to be slightly off topic, but this stuff has always been very interesting to me. Getting back on topic here... You can certainly try to make it work. Since you already know she is a vegan, I would imagine that probably means she also knows you are not. Yet, she hasn't left based just on that fact. So, she may be open to being with somebody who eats meat even if she does not. Like I said, just comes down to how much that matters to her. And, again, definitely don't try to force her to change her mind about eating meat. That would definitely not go well, just as I am sure you wouldn't appreciate her trying to force you to stop eating meat if you didn't want to stop.

Good luck to you.

[peace.fairy]

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]
Actually, the guys I dated while being a vegetarian started to eat much less meat while with me.
If you really wanted to try a month of vegetarian food challenge, I could try and help you:} After all you did help me a lot on my dating life;D

It doesn't have to be this BIG thing to eat vegetarian food. A lot of 'regular' food is vegetarian, you don't need some special foods and it doesn't even have to be an extremely healthy diet;D - you just give up meat and fish and you're good to go;}
If you love burgers so much, I would suggest going to some burger place and ordering a vegetarian one. I have eaten really really amazing vegetarian burgers and I wasn't even a big fan of them ever.
Of course, since you have to compensate for the stuff you get from meat (protein, iron, etc.) you start eating more beans and chickpeas and stuff and more vegetables, so naturally your diet becomes healthier - but you don't need to be a health maniac to be a vegetarian. I eat loads of chips and fries and vegetarian burgers and stuff. A vegetarian diet isn't some big monster - it's actually very very simple.
It was a bit strange to me at first too, like I said i really really liked meat too. And most of my meals were some kind of meat (steak or chicken or smth) and then some veggies and some potatoes or rice or something. And when I started there wasn't so many vegetarian options in restaurants, do it was a bit difficult, but now you can really find vegetarian options almost every place you go to eat at and there are even exclusively vegetarian restaurants now. Though they might be a bit pricey, but in general vegetarian diet isn't much more expensive than meat diet. Maybe it's more expensive to buy vegetables in winter, but still you can get them cheaper on sales or smth.. And beans, rice, pasta, couscous and other grains are really cheap. And potatoes too;D

So if you are really interested in trying this, I would be more than happy to help you. And trying it for a month isn't a big deal at all - it's not going to have a huge impact on your health even if you don't compensate all the iron and protein you used to get from meat and those delicious meat burgers will still be there after the month ends. And imagine how delicious it will be to have one after a whole month of not eating any meat at all? ;}}

[TheEvilJester]

It is something I may be willing at least to try. I'm certainly not saying I wouldn't even try. I definitely HIGHLY doubt my ability to successfully make that transition.... but even so I would still be open to try. Don't misunderstand. I am NOT one to try something half-@$$ed. I know I say that I don't think I would succeed and you may think that to be likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, that just ain't the way I roll. If I say I am going to try something, whether or not I think I'll succeed, I try it with my full heart. ....Well.... I try it with my full cold black void where I'm supposed to have a heart. LOL!

I also don't try things unless I commit to giving it a full try. So, if I DO try, it won't be with the thought in the back of my mind that I'm never going to stick to it. I may not be able to avoid thinking I probably won't be able to stick to it.... but I would still try.

Admittedly, I do worry about getting enough protein if I stop eating meat. I don't talk about this much because I hate sounding like one of those gym guys... but I do lift and that does require enough protein. Eating meat regularly it is easy to know I am getting enough. I'm not sure how much of whatever I'd need to compensate for not getting it from meat. It almost seems like learning a whole new skill. LOL! There is just so much to it. I almost wish I could go to vegan school and learn everything I need to know to give it a try.

[richiro]

Vegans know that everybody is not a vegan - and it also depends on how and why and how strongly they feel about their veganism and why they became vegan to begin with.
If diet is a dealbreaker with them, you'll know upfront and that's that. Otherwise, if it's not a dealbreaker its' no differenft from dating somebody who prefers italian and you prefer chinese. You find a way. Either you take turns, order separate, etc. No that hard. Usuall not that big of a deal (unless say you are dating Alicia Silverstone who is so passionate about ending the abuse and use of animals for anything - she would probably not date anybody that wears or eats or uses anything animal related or animal tested).

[Hooo!]

Guys.
I like all your hour long responses
But didn’t you get the part where it says „romance tour“?!

[bunnyhabit]

Romance Tour should have zero impact on the difference in dietary choices.

[TheEvilJester]

Guys.
I like all your hour long responses
But didn’t you get the part where it says „romance tour“?!

Are you referring to the possibility that this topic is just disguised spam? I can't say whether it is or not, but I will say that the OP did come back and follow up in the conversation, which is something spammers usually won't do at all. I'll also point out the fact that myself and many others found the topic interesting enough to discuss whether or not the original message was spam.

So, if you are referring to the possibility that this is spam, I personally don't care if it is or not. It was a topic that already interested me enough anyway.

[madotnw_nihs]

I do like this topic so I will chime in and treat it as a real post. Like peace said, you will not be able to get her to eat meat and you must tell her beforehand.

I personally love food so much that I don't want to have any restrictions. I am not eating meat just to say I a meat eater, but it just tastes different than non meat foods. I wouldn't be able to be with someone that has that restriction as I want to share and experience food with them.