I've been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. We only see each other every 3 months (spend 3 days to 1 week together). For this pas year he's been struggling with finding job that suits his passion. He has this belief in his head that to truly 'make it' in this world he needs to be successful in a job, earn lots of money and then he will be a man (He went to Harvard in full scholarship, very perfectionist and ambitious kind of man).
He often says that he's depressed/anxious/cannot control bad/suicidal thoughts (he was diagnosed with depression few years ago and were under anti-depressant treatment). I always have to cheer him up/give positive talks/lift up his self esteem. I already told his family about his condition but they were only like "Ah that's how he is". I encourage him to seek profrssional help but he said he had to much on his plate right now. At first I was so exhausted, like he drains all my positive energy. But I try to be strong, this to shall pass, I said to myself.
Sometimes we got hiccups in our relationship due to his willingness to spend more time on us (he works on 3 jobs right now).
One or two times he hints that: "(relationship) is a sacrife he makes" "how can I make you happy when I'm not happy" "how could you love me that much when I don't even love myself" "you deserve better". Maybe he has had some issues with our relationship, but he never vocalized them, in hopes I would just know and/or they'd just work themselves out.
Until one day, totally out of the blue, he called and said "I'm too caught up with my work. I can't bring myself to date you half heartedly. I would only make it worse." That is what I think he said cz he was very emotional, like hysterically crying. So I was like comforting him. Yet I was the one who being dumped.
I don't know if this is his true feelings or his depression somehow clouds his judgement. So I went to a psychiatrist who told me that he might has BiPolar II disorder (so driven when work-full energy-takes a lot of projects but never finished them. On the other days he's so low even to work on daily life tasks). Of course it needs further examinatin with the patient himself to make sure.
Now he shuts me out, he won't take my call or read my messages.
I feel so helpless. although he has broken my heart and given up on us, I can't help but feel worry about him.