The sexual part of our relationship

[nitecapt]

I posted this in another forum so I apologize for the cross post but I think these are issues that may benefit from a womaqn's perspective.
My wife and I have been together for over 30 years and are now in our 60’s. When I met her, she was married and ultimately divorced to be with me.
In discussing sex with her early in the relationship, I learned about previous partners and a bit about her attitudes about sex. She grew up in a very conservative household, got punished severely when caught playing doctor with a boy as a child.
She had 3 children (not c-section). When our relationship started, she had also been having an affair outside of her marriage and her past history revealed about 5 other sexual partners during her lifetime. This will be significant later. We lived together for about 20 years and were married 10 years ago.
When our relationship started, we looked pretty good but as age and obesity would have it, we don’t look so great now. She was so hot looking when we were young I was pretty sexually aggressive with her. She was never very expressive during sex until we started doing some daring stuff. We went to Hedo and stayed on the nude side for a week. We didn’t get involved with others, although I tried to encourage her to do so. We then went on to making x rated videos of ourselves, we went to a swap club and met a couple who spent the night with us in a hotel room. She blew the guy for a while, performed oral on the woman to try and get her to orgasm because the woman said she had never had one and I had sex with the woman. Later in the relationship we explored fantasies which she authored and did some roll play with that, we had lots of toys, we practiced fisting and she had great orgasms especially with her magic wand.
She would talk dirty during sex but never orgasmed from intercourse. She said that the feeling of being penetrated wasn’t that great (not fun for me to hear). When we talked about prior lovers she said some interesting things for example, she slept with 2 men on different occasions simply because she felt it was expected of her! She didn’t want to but did it anyway as she felt she couldn’t wiggle her way out of it. She said that her lover during her marriage had a huge cock and didn’t know how to use it. (no foreplay or efforts to please her), so sex wasn’t pleasurable, yet I learned that she would set up specific dates on her home calendar just before her period so she could meet with him and go to a hotel. Her calendar was marked “shopping” and she would tell her husband she was going to the mall. The calendar was marked months in advance so it seemed to me that she was looking forward to the sex.
At some point she expressed discontent about my lack of romantic expression during sex. I expressed her lack of real sexual expression during sex. AT some point, fter trying to get her to try some different things or even make more movies, she made excuses not to. Soon thereafter I refused to have sex with her and did so for over 15 years. When she asked why I simply said, that when I had asked her in the past excuses were made and that when a man comes home and asks his wife for steak on a number of occasions and she makes excuses for not making it, he loses his appetite for steak. Recently we have been trying but usually it amounts to me masturbating her to multiple orgasms and she offers to fellate me but I refuse. It’s bland and emotionless.
So, I ask myself, what turned me on about her early on. Well, the thought that she would calendar sex appointments months in advance with her lover so she could go and **** him made me believe that she was a real sexual person with a desire to be ****ed. Turns out that based upon her description, she was not. She says she doesn’t have fantasies and is annoyed that I don’t because she has tried on fantasies all of which did nothing for her,. I don’t share my fantasies because she would find them objectionable since I would like to see her as a woman who enjoys vaginal penetration and feels good being ****ed. I have repeatedly told her that what turns me on is getting her to orgasm. It’s kind of a power trip. I fantasize having a wife that is like what I see in some of the amateur x videos I watch. Someone who gets pleasure from sex and wants penetration. If I tell her that, she would try to please me but she would be faking it. So I feel like I am left with a partner who has little desire for penetration. Clitoral stim is fine but penetration she seems to be able to take or leave. 3 Kids has left her with a very loose vagina for which I have bought her dildos of every conceivable size and shape. Even the fisting which has blown away previous partners has little effect on her. I have had numerous partners over my life and have never encountered this situation.
Finally, I find myself looking at attractive women and fantasizing being with them as they enjoy sex. It’s really tempting but I have been good about staying away.

Who out there does not find penetration that pleasurable and who an give me some hints aboutwhat's going on?

I would love to hear observations from the membership

[pcmaster]

Do you masturbate when you watch porn? This topic made you look shallow and objectifying women.
Perhaps you dont realize damage you have done to yourself, relationship and your perception of girls. I encorage you to go full 90 days without porn, masturbation and maybe even orgasm. Longer time might be needed at your age to feel the diference. Theres this site called nofap thats all about staying away from these evil things like P and M.
I really wont coment on details you mentioned but it seems like problem is not in those things but in the way you see those things. Man... Its never too late to get freedom from addiction.

[nitecapt]

What? This doesn’t seem to address anything I spoke about?

[Mr Married]

You don't recognize that your the problem so you therefore will not take the advice of anyone. Your waiting for someone to come and say "Your so right man...I can't believe that bit*h!"
You sound like a crappy husband that can't get over her past and expect her to act like a porn star in spite of that.

pcmaster is spot on in his comment .... problem is not in those things but in the way you see those things

You'll never move forward on this until you understand you are the problem...plain and simple

[nitecapt]

See my pm to follow and can you NOT be so hostile? I speak to people with respect. Is that too hard for you? Stop being judgmental and try and be constructive. You were just as nasty in the other forum