Longing to be loved 2

[Gary Griffin]

Hey, take a look at this site you may find interesting for some useful advice/tips from professionals here, https://datingama.amafeed.com/

[TheEvilJester]

Well, to be 100% fair, even at my absolute worst, I could still take rejection if it happened. I definitely get your point, though, and whole-heartedly agree. These days I am in such a good place that I could deal with rejection so much better. Absolutely the perfect time for me to try. Maybe some day. Hopefully soon. I'm certainly not getting any younger. LOL!

Anyways, again, what you describe is why I do agree that the no PMO approach you talked about CAN work... it's just I don't think that is how most men function. Most men wouldn't just stop doing that for a few months and suddenly hit some enlightenment. Most men would probably be so desperate by that point they'd darn near PAY for it. LOL! But, if it works for others, and it works for you, that is great. As I've said, for me it doesn't really make a difference one way or the other because I'm so different from your typical guy in that respect anyway. I'm not saying that's good or bad, it just is what it is. Though, I like the way I am in that aspect. I see it as an asset.

You do seem to have a lot of actually decent materials for dating advice. That is great. It can be hard to sift through the BS to find actual helpful stuff. Glad you found some text that is helpful to you. Man, there should totally be some kind of official class guys can take for this stuff. LOL! Dating 101.

Glad to hear that you seem to feel a little better now about things than maybe you did last time we talked. I do definitely agree with you to some degree that you shouldn't change who you are for a relationship. You should definitely not have to radically change who you are as a person. At the same time, though, SOME change can be necessary. Change, compromise, work, etc. You shouldn't be expected to change your ideals/beliefs, or radically change things that matter to you. Even so, you also shouldn't be stubborn and refuse to bend even on things that AREN'T such a big deal. I don't really know specifically what things you are talking about, so I can't say which end of the spectrum they fall on, per se. But, just go with the flow and hopefully you will be able to tell when there are things you can/should maybe change about yourself and when there are things you should never change.

[pcmaster]

I was waiting for your reply [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] before posting again but so much been happening lately that have to write again now.

So we been on a weekend trip to Lithuania. I was so happy that she showed up early in the moorning and didn't let me down. Also I missed her but didn't knew it before I met her.

It was nice, she was sweet to me at times but a lot of times she was on her phone or listening music while I wanted to talk to her, once upon a time we had deep conversations and she was nice to me - talking a lot to me. This trip wasn't exactly like that. What have changed that she talks quieter and many times I don't hear her so asking what she said. She ussualy don't repeat twice. Also when I talk sometimes she says to shut up and it hurts that she don't listen and not giving me chance to explain cause she things she understand everything already from first sentence. I see it as clear lack of respect. For me it's serious issues cause I always have said here on forum that love without respect is like angel with one wing - it can't fly. Still have a lot of faith and I want to fight for this relationship. Cause I still think there's a lot of progress can be made and I want to fix things, make them better.

Sometimes it's OK but sometimes not OK. When it's hard I remember what we had in the beginning, how nice she was to me and good times we had. Also I remember how my life was before I met her. It was emptier. Simpler but emptier. I was just a guy looking for adventure wanting to date and make the most of first date in case it's the last one. Now my life is not so empty anymore. I have one more place to go and one more person to meet. And that's a lot. Not exactly someone to cry for and die for like in that Hurts song but someone to dream about and think about, live with more and feel more.

Another thing that would be great to have advice on would be kissing. She says she like to kiss but don't want to do it since I don't know how to kiss. But then again how can I improve if she don't let me. She says my kissing went from 1 to 2 in a rating 10 points system. Anyway I think it's not right to not kiss at all cause I like kissing a lot and that's how I show my affection. I said that I want her to talk with me like with equal but she said - we never were equal. And I was thinking that she accepted me the way I am since she once told me so. Looks like it was too naive to hope that she can be accepting me like equal despite all the differences we have.

Not changing my principles or ideals, beliefs here. I do keep open mind but keeping my core things I believe in the good things. Just want to change for better grow as a person and such. Like Chris Rock said - look in a mirror and say - fck your dreams fck your goals just make this woman happy. And now I understand what he said cause I been putting my dreams and goals in second place, not giving up on them but putting on hold for now. This might not be right but then again I been doing much bigger sacrifices for my mum. If it wasn't for mum I would have quit job, took trading lessons and became crypto trader by February. Now I regret by not doing it cause now it could be long time until this plan can become reality.

P.S. I watched MTV where guy said he spend week with a girl(LDR first time met) and then went home for 19 hours and home didn't felt like home anymore, so girl told him to come back. I understood what he meant with that cause after trip I didn't wanted to go home too cause there's no girl at home, it would feel so empty being there alone. As they say home is where your heart is.
Remembering how I couldn't fell asleep with her cause it would feel so unusual not to be alone in bed. But later once I found myself that I couldn't fall asleep without her cause was thinking about her being afraid to lose her.

Jester, I think you can't really tell how different you are from other guys before you try at least 90 days hard mode. A lot of guys think they can't and will die but they discover that they can. Perhaps you are not so special too.

No PMO is great for guys who been addicts. It gives chance to see a different life - better without addiction. It's just like alcoholics try life without their addiction but after that there's no going back to old ways, there's no healthy amount one can take cause it all risky and can take back into addiction.

Since you are not addict it should be easy for you not to do it cause you don't have to go from doing it 3 times a day to zero per 90 days. But I see other problem here - acceptance. You think it's normal and healthy but I see it as ignorance, self lying and living with eyes closed, living in a bliss. If it was so healthy would you want your kids to do it?(if you had them) Of course not because deep inside you know it's not healthy and not needed.

Then again you have to want to try something different in your life. I can't want it for you. It should be your own choice. From my side I would like you better if you quit m but then again if you don't admit that you m then I don't dislike you. Just tolerating people better who don't justify m. Since I been addict and clearly see where it ruined my life.

[bulrush]

I was waiting for your reply [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] before posting again but so much been happening lately that have to write again now.

It was nice, she was sweet to me at times but a lot of times she was on her phone or listening music while I wanted to talk to her, once upon a time we had deep conversations and she was nice to me - talking a lot to me. This trip wasn't exactly like that. What have changed that she talks quieter and many times I don't hear her so asking what she said. She ussualy don't repeat twice. Also when I talk sometimes she says to shut up and it hurts that she don't listen and not giving me chance to explain cause she things she understand everything already from first sentence. I see it as clear lack of respect.

She either doesn't like, or doesn't respect you. In either case, a relationship with her won't last.

Is she more of an introvert and you an extrovert? Because introverts get exhausted listening to people a lot, it saps their energy, and makes them grumpy, and she might need more alone time for herself. You need to find this out. Even grumpy introverts need to learn to be polite and have better communication (I'm an introvert).

Like Chris Rock said - look in a mirror and say - fck your dreams fck your goals just make this woman happy.

That's not healthy, that sounds like codependence. You have to have your needs met too or there will be lots of bitterness. Your SO is not your savior so don't expect them to be.

[pcmaster]

You pointed out the obvious, thanks anyway.

I would normaly reply something like that too on topics I dont really care about. Of course its easier to say that things are bad and its easier to give up and start something new. But I know there is a fix. Perhaps guys here on LF dont know how but Im sure some pickup artist can help here. Actually I know one video from pickup artist Richard Laruina where gives advice where to fix this kind of situation. But Im not playing games here. Despite that it could work, risk is also high. If things ends at least I will know that they ended naturally without me trying to play with her mind.

Think biggest problem here is that I lack experience, just not enough as a man for her. She is used to better, higher quality people.

But like always I fight to the end.

Every winner was once loser who refused to give up.

[TheEvilJester]

Jester, I think you can't really tell how different you are from other guys before you try at least 90 days hard mode. A lot of guys think they can't and will die but they discover that they can. Perhaps you are not so special too.

No PMO is great for guys who been addicts. It gives chance to see a different life - better without addiction. It's just like alcoholics try life without their addiction but after that there's no going back to old ways, there's no healthy amount one can take cause it all risky and can take back into addiction.

Since you are not addict it should be easy for you not to do it cause you don't have to go from doing it 3 times a day to zero per 90 days. But I see other problem here - acceptance. You think it's normal and healthy but I see it as ignorance, self lying and living with eyes closed, living in a bliss. If it was so healthy would you want your kids to do it?(if you had them) Of course not because deep inside you know it's not healthy and not needed.

Then again you have to want to try something different in your life. I can't want it for you. It should be your own choice. From my side I would like you better if you quit m but then again if you don't admit that you m then I don't dislike you. Just tolerating people better who don't justify m. Since I been addict and clearly see where it ruined my life.

I'm going to start with this because I'd rather focus more on the rest of the discussion instead of this aspect. So, I'll get this out of the way. Firstly, I'll just put it this way. I've gone MUCH longer than 90 days without the slightest problem (and that is without sex or ANY release of that nature, self-controlled or otherwise). So, again, my drive isn't quite the same as it is with other guys. Sex is great, don't get me wrong. But it isn't like the end all, be all for me. I'm not saying all of that to brag or say "I'm so awesome!" LOL! It's not a good thing or a bad thing.... it's just a thing. It's just an aspect of who I am. Sometimes it seems like an asset, sometimes it seems like a curse. In general, though, I like that about myself.

And again, on the second portion of this discussion we will have to agree to disagree. Personally, I think forcing oneself to deny this release would actually be more unhealthy than it is to do this. I also personally think that mindset, thinking it is dirty and wrong, is unhealthy. Potentially harmful, even. I DO think it is something that should be kept private. That's why I personally don't really like talking about it that much. But I don't think it is something to vilify. Again, though, BIG difference if we are talking about somebody who is addicted to it. Addiction of any kind can be very unhealthy. So, when we are talking about somebody addicted to doing that... yeah, that's a whole different story. They'd probably be better off trying to stop completely.

Don't get me wrong, either. I'm not saying it is wrong/unhealthy NOT to do it, per se. Nor am I saying it is wrong/unhealthy TO do it. I am more so saying, to each his own. It works differently for different people.

I was waiting for your reply [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] before posting again but so much been happening lately that have to write again now.

So we been on a weekend trip to Lithuania. I was so happy that she showed up early in the moorning and didn't let me down. Also I missed her but didn't knew it before I met her.

It was nice, she was sweet to me at times but a lot of times she was on her phone or listening music while I wanted to talk to her, once upon a time we had deep conversations and she was nice to me - talking a lot to me. This trip wasn't exactly like that. What have changed that she talks quieter and many times I don't hear her so asking what she said. She ussualy don't repeat twice. Also when I talk sometimes she says to shut up and it hurts that she don't listen and not giving me chance to explain cause she things she understand everything already from first sentence. I see it as clear lack of respect. For me it's serious issues cause I always have said here on forum that love without respect is like angel with one wing - it can't fly. Still have a lot of faith and I want to fight for this relationship. Cause I still think there's a lot of progress can be made and I want to fix things, make them better.

Sometimes it's OK but sometimes not OK. When it's hard I remember what we had in the beginning, how nice she was to me and good times we had. Also I remember how my life was before I met her. It was emptier. Simpler but emptier. I was just a guy looking for adventure wanting to date and make the most of first date in case it's the last one. Now my life is not so empty anymore. I have one more place to go and one more person to meet. And that's a lot. Not exactly someone to cry for and die for like in that Hurts song but someone to dream about and think about, live with more and feel more.

Another thing that would be great to have advice on would be kissing. She says she like to kiss but don't want to do it since I don't know how to kiss. But then again how can I improve if she don't let me. She says my kissing went from 1 to 2 in a rating 10 points system. Anyway I think it's not right to not kiss at all cause I like kissing a lot and that's how I show my affection. I said that I want her to talk with me like with equal but she said - we never were equal. And I was thinking that she accepted me the way I am since she once told me so. Looks like it was too naive to hope that she can be accepting me like equal despite all the differences we have.

Not changing my principles or ideals, beliefs here. I do keep open mind but keeping my core things I believe in the good things. Just want to change for better grow as a person and such. Like Chris Rock said - look in a mirror and say - fck your dreams fck your goals just make this woman happy. And now I understand what he said cause I been putting my dreams and goals in second place, not giving up on them but putting on hold for now. This might not be right but then again I been doing much bigger sacrifices for my mum. If it wasn't for mum I would have quit job, took trading lessons and became crypto trader by February. Now I regret by not doing it cause now it could be long time until this plan can become reality.

P.S. I watched MTV where guy said he spend week with a girl(LDR first time met) and then went home for 19 hours and home didn't felt like home anymore, so girl told him to come back. I understood what he meant with that cause after trip I didn't wanted to go home too cause there's no girl at home, it would feel so empty being there alone. As they say home is where your heart is.
Remembering how I couldn't fell asleep with her cause it would feel so unusual not to be alone in bed. But later once I found myself that I couldn't fall asleep without her cause was thinking about her being afraid to lose her.

I do have to admit that I'm not happy about some of the things I am hearing here. At the same time, I know she makes you happy right now and I want you to be happy. So, I hope that you two can work around some of the recent issues and grow the relationship into something amazing. So, I'll start off with my concerns. I don't like that she told you she never saw you as her equal. Unless maybe if it was said as a joke, I find that to be extremely disrespectful. Honestly, you are perhaps more tolerant than I, because that may well have been a deal breaker for me right there. A lot of issues can be tolerable and can be worked through, but a lack of respect is not one I will personally stand for at all.

I also do not like to hear that she tells you to shut up. I mean, I think we've all probably said that in heated moments where we are pushed to a brink (it still isn't something we SHOULD, but sometimes you can't help but lose control a bit in bad situations)... but unless I am misunderstanding, it doesn't sound like this is at heated moments. Like, it doesn't sound like you are saying you two are in a heated argument. Unless I am misunderstanding, it sounds like you are just having a conversation with her and she tells you to shut up. Again, that shows a lack of respect that would be unacceptable to me. You deserve better than to be treated like that.

All that said, you are sharing with us the recent problems.... but there is a lot more to her than just that. You get to see that, we don't necessarily. So, I cannot say for sure whether these things SHOULD be a deal breaker for you. There could be so much more to her that makes her worth trying. I do have some concerns for you. Relationships can take work, they can sometimes hit a rough patch.... but it shouldn't be this soon in the relationship. ....BUT, again, that doesn't automatically mean things are as grim as maybe other outsiders to your situation would perhaps think.

Only you really know that. You really like this girl, so if you ask me you should at least continue to give this a chance. If you still like her and still want to try to make it work, then you shouldn't give up this soon. However, her disrespectful behaviors would need to change. You should not just be expected to accept that kind of treatment. But, the good news is there was obviously something about this girl in the first place that attracted you to her (and I'm not just talking about physical/sexual attraction). And there was obviously something that attracted her to you. So, there is all the chance that this could turn out to be something really great. For you, I hope that does turn out to be the case. You deserve that.

Communication is key. If you haven't already, talking to her about these things would be a good first step. As I've often suggested to others, don't do so at a time when you are upset. Always give yourself a chance to cool down first and approach the conversation when you can do so much more calmly and fairly. Not intending to blame her or even yourself, but just to have a fair discussion. Allow yourself to be heard, allow her to have a chance to be heard as well.

Good luck to you as always. You do deserve better than some of the ways you have shared that she's treated you. Thing is... maybe she can BE that better. I hope so.

[Hooo!]

You can just google on how to be a better kisser

I always refer to „sex god method PDF“
Good read

[pcmaster]

Its great that you have camel stance about PMO. Yes you dont say how awesome you are lol, but you are.

Yeah I was thinking you wont like to read about bad parts but this time stopped hiding issues and wrote as it is despite that I don't like to say anything bad about people close to me.
To be honest when she said we never were equal - she looked very serious. It wasn't a joke. But then again perhaps shes using her own measurements on people. Sure she have a lot of achievements, knowledge and life experience to be proud of, where I don't stand close to her. But I still see good things about myself where Im not worse than her. But Im not playing a points game here.
She says one positive thing about me is that I like her and Im showing it, Im trying. But then theres big negative things.

I remember at the beginning when we started to meet she said if you want something then fight for it. Back then it seemed too unreal, that something so simple could work cause she knew so little about me.Now she knows so much about me, more than my mother or sister or any friend. They know only bits bits about me but no one knows all my secrets. This girl knows close to half of secrets about me. That way I gave a lot of my power to her. Now I feel like I have to fight but dont really have the weapons. - With what to win girl over, attract and keep her. Its like I dont have with what to take her. Comes in mind that Linking Park song - " What do I have, but negativity cause I can't justify the way everyones looking at me.

I remember what first girl said - "I dont fall in love for long time until I know that guy is right for me." It feels like thats how it is for most girls.

Did bring up the issues I wrote about on previous post but conversation didn't went far. She said she have discovered me. Perhaps thats why she sometimes dont listens past first sentence when I try to get in discussion with her.

[TheEvilJester]

Camel stance? I've never heard of it described that way. LOL! I like that.

I definitely hear you on not necessarily wanting to share any of the negative aspects early on. I actually do agree with you there. Nobody is perfect, and no two people are going to be exactly 100% perfect for each other. In ANY relationship, there are always going to be minor disagreements, fights, changing, growing, etc. So, often times I do actually think it is better not to share certain things. There are some people who just LOVE to complain, and will dish on just about anything and everything. To me, minor fights, disagreements, etc. between significant others should be kept private for a number of reasons.

But, the things you are sharing lately aren't just minor little things. They are reasons for concern where I don't think you are wrong to come to friends or even anonymous people on the interwebs for help/advice.

Anyway, I don't personally care WHAT "measurements" she is using to rate people that makes her feel like it is okay to claim you are not her equal. As far as I am concerned, if she thinks you or ANYBODY is beneath her, then she shouldn't be dating you. The fact that she chose to date you should require that she sees you as an equal. As I said, for me personally, that sort of attitude would be a deal breaker. Maybe you could certainly go through some self-discovery and self-improvement and become somebody she sees as an equal. The thing is... you shouldn't have to do all that to earn her respect. If she has a problem with who you are now, then she shouldn't be dating you in the first place.

Again, that isn't to say you shouldn't change AT ALL. I think all of us can often use change now and then. You never just settle into life and coast through the rest of your existence. There's always room for growth and improvement. I'm just saying, it shouldn't be some sort of conditional love/respect on her part where she doesn't treat you as you deserve because she doesn't see you as an equal. If that is the case, then you know what? Her loss. Another woman WOULD see you as an equal and treat you as such.

Again, I say all of this just because I do not want to see you get hurt/used/mistreated. So, I do admit I am responding as though it is the worst case scenario. Again, I will admit that maybe things just seem worse to me than they truly are because I'm just seeing the negative aspects you are describing. If you do still feel there could be something great there, then it could be worth it to give it some time, to keep "fighting." Even in the best of relationships, there does sometimes come a time now and then when you have to fight to keep things together. I don't exactly like that it is happening so early in your relationship, but that isn't necessarily a guaranteed death sentence.

But, when it comes down to it... you shouldn't have to EARN her love and attention like she is some kind of great prize. If she is with you, she already agreed to be with you. I can't help but wonder if she's ever stopped to think how she would feel if the roles were reversed. If she was very into you, but you made it out like she had to earn your attention. Anyway, I do wish you the best of luck as always. I'm hoping that these negative experiences you have shared are just a small part of your relationship and not basically the entirety of it. I hope there truly is more to her that makes it worth it to you to continue to try. Though, perhaps even more so, I hope you can care enough about yourself to do what is right for you, even if that ultimately has to mean ending the relationship.

Hopefully it doesn't even have to get to that point, though. You are a good dude and you deserve a good lady. Hopefully that will be her.

[pcmaster]

You can just google on how to be a better kisser

I always refer to „sex god method PDF“
Good read

Interesting book Hooo ! I started reading it and I like how much it describes about psychical and physical difference. That is all about mind. Also today I read that guy to get what he want did access girl emotional mind not her logical mind. Guess thats why I need to do to connect better with her. Right now emotional connection been lacking and that might be because I never accessed her emotionally - in social and sexual way.

Good luck to you as always. You do deserve better than some of the ways you have shared that she's treated you. Thing is... maybe she can BE that better. I hope so.

Yeah man I wish to think I deserve better but then again she deserves better too. She said that most important to her is mind and it seemed like I have potential to be intelligent. Then again she said that I have zero experience but she knew what she goes into cause I was honest to her since beginning.

Its funny that she started dating with me just because I had potential. Its like guy would start dating girl because she have potential to be super model and then complain that she dont change they way he wants.

I think its wrong too to expect someone to change rather than accept or deny someone for who the person is. Its great to see potential in people but there is other, better dimension(that might be future) and then there's reality(that is now).

[TheEvilJester]

Exactly. There's nothing wrong with seeing potential in somebody and liking that. But, if your attitude is that you don't think they are worthy of you right now, but you see potential in them and think they COULD be down the road.... that is not okay. Then just don't date them if that is the way you feel.

It's one thing if she thinks you are great, you are her equal and all that... but she also sees potential in you to be EVEN BETTER than who/what you already are... sure that's great, then. Like, for example, if two people started dating when they were young and not very wealthy (maybe in college at the time), but maybe the gal saw potential in the guy to some day be a great provider... that's a whole different story. That's saying "You are great right now and I like you just the way you are.... but I see potential in you to be even better in the future." That is great especially if your partner can become part of helping you to realize that potential.

However, to think you are maybe anything less than worthy... but you have the potential to become worthy.... that's not okay. I will say this. I'm sure we've all heard the saying "If you can't stand me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best." I actually DO NOT like that saying. Why? Because it is abused by people who are worthless A holes who use it as a crutch/excuse to continue to be a reprehensible excuse for a human being and think it is okay to just continue to treat people like dirt. Like they should just have to accept that. So, I've never really liked that saying, though I do agree with the INTENDED meaning behind it.

And I think the intended meaning behind it is very prevalent here. Because you are a good guy. Maybe you need some experience in a relationship, but you're a good guy. So, truthfully, if she can't appreciate you now she doesn't deserve the new and improved you when you DO gain some better experience with being in a relationship. And again, hopefully she will start to see that for herself and will appreciate you the way you deserve. Nothing would make me happier than for this to wind up working out for you. But, if things don't change then you certainly deserve better than that.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for response Jester. Its funny that at the beginning it seemed she did see more in me than I actually was. Perhaps she imagined me as one of those better people she sees in her everyday life. But in the end Im shit but Im her shit.

Before I met her I spend last few weekends at home alone. And Im pretty sure she did the same. Just hoping that we still can be useful to eachother in that way - spend weekends together.
I remember when I had time off from work and spend my weekends with her - she looked so happy. If there was something I could say or do to see her happy again I would.

Spend Tuesday night in church and instead of priest there was this guy talking who believed in God a lot. He said he once had a GF and her father abused her or did something to her. But this guy said she forgave her father while she was in relationship with him(guy). After that relationship started to go downhill. Its like something changed since that moment. He said from a side it(their relationship) might have looked really beautiful but once he had a ugly dream that he was spying on his GF. He prayed God for answers and God told to him - thats how it looks like - like you stalking your GF. He realised that his mission was to help his GF to forgive her father and after that his job there was done and he had to let her go. Now they are good friends and both married both have families.

I feel like I act like a stalker too since Im still doing so much and trying so hard but not getting much appreciation, gratitude but mostly neutral attitude. - Here are some fragments from my message to old FB friend on Sunday night.

"I travel to her city to see her. Buy food, cook, buy her flowers, wash dishes, give her massage and all she does is complain.
All the time on her phone or watching movies and not talking to me first and sometimes don't answer too.

Can't count how many times I cooked for her or how many times gave her massage. She never did same for me.

Yesterday I came to her - she opened door, said Hi, went to bed sleeping no kiss when saying Hi like always.

Lol, I cooked for her those mushrooms you told me about, while she was watching movie.
Also cooked those beans, pies and corn with rice and all the peppers and curry.
Was tasty. But she didn't said anything good."

The way I described things might seem that I have to let go but always been a stalker with girls - rarely let go first. Been fighting to the end most of the times.

As someone said - In the end its gona be okay and if its not okay then its not the end.

[TheEvilJester]

It does sound more and more like she's taking you for granted. That and/or he's started to lose interest. It doesn't sound like she can even be bothered to put in the slightest of effort. You already know how I feel about her attitude that you are not her equal.... so let's ignore that for a moment. So, apparently she thinks (or at least at some point thought) that with some experience, you could get better at the whole relationship thing. ...Well, how exactly does she expect you to get better if she won't even give you that opportunity? Never mind the fact that I think it is wrong to expect that of you anyway... but how are you even going to gain any experience if she is barely even treating you like a friend, much less a boyfriend?

At this point, I think you know my personal opinion as to what you should do here. Again, though, you have to do what feels right for you. So, it may not be what I would personally suggest, but if you feel you want to keep trying then that is what you should do. Just at least have some reasonable breaking point where you will feel it is just time to move on. Good luck to you either way. I do hope she sees what she is missing out on in time... but if not I hope you care enough about yourself to get out of the situation.

[pcmaster]

Thanks for fast response, Jester. It was unexpectedly quick. Was prepared to wait.

Yeah I got your point. I see where you aiming at. Sure leaving would be smart and easy IF there was no feelings involved. When we part on weekend I can easly live without her for few days, dont even message her. But as week comes to an end and next weekend is coming I want to meet her again and miss her again.
Now this girl had quite a few boyfriends and she probably have learned to let them go easily so I wont be exception. Yeah shes bored and dont care that much but I already got to core of this problem with my FB friend. It have something to do with that, that Im still pretty useless with girls.

You got a point about getting better when she dont give me opportunity. But then again if she lost interest while should she care if I get better with her or other girls after her.
I hope too that she will see what she missing out before or at least after its too late.
Right now not planning future with girl further than next weekend despite that it would be easy to plan till summer if I was sure this will last. Cause today got free tickets to adventure park and in next months theres great upcoming tours happening to nearby and not so nearby countries. To one of them she wanted to go too.

Even if everything ends Im not so afraid of it. I just want everything end beautifully if it have to end. Like stay friends afterwards and talk everything out so theres no pain or anger afterwards. If would be a lot to me to have friend but then again she have enough good guy friends already. So wth she would need me as a friend. Besides when I think about it would be pretty gay too, just to be friends. So if by any reason there comes time when we cant be together, I will keep her in my heart. After everything ends beautifully of course.

Really thinking a lot about little things that I want to experience, so much simple and little things still havent been experienced with girls and when they happen its like a little dream come true.

[pcmaster]

So spend another 26 hours with the girl. It was pretty calm. I was happy to meet her and she looked happy too, at least first moments. What was better this time that I didn't force her to do anything she doesn't want to. And she even asked me few questions that usually don't happen. Also, she considered my choice of movie - that also happened for the first time. So good thing is that no new negative things happened. Just the old ones and new positive things happened. Was really sunny spring day yesterday - it reflected.
Slept well too what is amazing cause I usually was last to fell asleep. Now I sleep with her equally good when I sleep alone. What wasn't the case before.

Tried something new too - slept on her chest. Usually, she sleeps on mine and this time she did too. But at some point, I slept on her chest and it felt like being so close to her, hearing every breath. I remember her every breath. So many moornings were rushed when there was so little time to be close. Now made up for that with these moments when it's enough just to be close, just to be together. I feel like this heals the soul. Like in that George Michael song - Jesus to a child.

"...that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights."

I mentioned before that there are so many little, simple things that I want to experience with girls. (With this girl I have experienced so much if not most of the things I wanted to. At least most records have been broken for sure.) Already then when I mentioned it I saw those little things happening with this girl in future. I can clearly see when and where it can happen. That's why I want to continue cause I want something long term. Want all my miles to be on one airline. Cause better would be to have most memories with one girl than with a bunch of girls. I want to remember and think only about one girl.
Mostly got so far by luck, the help of books and singularity of mind. Still, there's much I have to learn in order to progress and even not to go backward, cause things that were enough yesterday are not enough today.

I'm starting to understand what I don't know and things that I didn't know exist. After this weekend I understood that there's so much more than I could imagine. Been living in my own little world without realizing all the possibilities.
Just last week I was thinking how much things I was taking for granted and how much things girl was taking for understandable when in fact we should appreciate each other much more and the things we do.
But this week I think how hard it should be for a girl to be with someone like me and how much patience it takes. I finally start to understand what means words - no relationship experience. Besides I saw how much we need to communicate each other's needs and that I been really selfish thinking that just my presence is a lot when in fact I should be knowing or at least asking, communicating what girl needs or wants.

If I want her to fall in love with me then I should be consistent, have her in my mind, especially when we are together and show and prove that to her. I should learn how to be a gentleman on a regular basis. Not just when in good mood or on special occasions.

As they say - The way a man treats a woman - he shows what place(status) he takes in society.