How to ask a guy on a non-date

[stuckgirl]

I have people I have met who I am interested in getting to know better, because I think they are cool and we have things in common. I also want to increase my social life, as my husband is not really a conversationalist and spends most of his time on video games.

When it comes to hanging out and getting to know other men, what is the best way to ask them out for a coffee, but make it obvious that it's not a romantic date?

If they already know I'm married and I say "Would you like to go out for a coffee together?" will they automatically know I am only looking for friendship?

[madotnw_nihs]

Even if you tell them you are married, that's not going to send the message that this is friendship deal. Can you get together with women instead?

[bulrush]

This sounds very suspicious you two would be alone, or at least appear alone. Your actions should be beyond question. Can't you find a group on Meetup.com to go to instead?

[Gary Griffin]

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[ThisRandomDude]

Mmm, not sure how I feel about this. More importantly, how would your husband feel? Seems that you two might need to focus on sparking the romance back up. Or maybe, HE needs to get off Call of Duty, and take you out to a nice dinner!

[omgtotallyxo]

ThisRandomDude, I see you are online. Do you mind answering my post. It is under the title "Is this creepy to men?" in the love advice forum. This forum has been so slow in replies. Much appreciated!

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I have people I have met who I am interested in getting to know better, because I think they are cool and we have things in common. I also want to increase my social life, as my husband is not really a conversationalist and spends most of his time on video games.

When it comes to hanging out and getting to know other men, what is the best way to ask them out for a coffee, but make it obvious that it's not a romantic date?

If they already know I'm married and I say "Would you like to go out for a coffee together?" will they automatically know I am only looking for friendship?

Why do you want to hang out with men, not women as friends? It seems to me the motivation behind choosing just men to hang out with is to cheat on your husband.

Men, unless they are gay, usually don't see a point in starting a friendship with women without any chances of sex. So, they definitely will not just go out of their way to meet a platonic woman friend.

[stuckgirl]

Mmm, not sure how I feel about this. More importantly, how would your husband feel? Seems that you two might need to focus on sparking the romance back up. Or maybe, HE needs to get off Call of Duty, and take you out to a nice dinner!

I would say you are bang on the money here! I have been waiting for almost 15 years for him to get off the video games. He might be off of them for one day and be a real sweetheart, but then the next 20 days he completely neglects me. And he has no guilt for playing video games while I do the chores, cooking, and take care of our children. He has also told me that I am welcome to go for coffee with other people to meet my need for connection, but obviously he doesn't want me starting anything romantic. I am so sad about the state of my marriage. But I keep trying to hold it together by "filling the void" with other friendships and social hobbies. I have been a supportive and faithful wife. But gosh, it's not easy.

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Why do you want to hang out with men, not women as friends? It seems to me the motivation behind choosing just men to hang out with is to cheat on your husband.

Men, unless they are gay, usually don't see a point in starting a friendship with women without any chances of sex. So, they definitely will not just go out of their way to meet a platonic woman friend.

I am interested in friendships with both men and women. Sometimes I just find someone interesting and want to get to know them better. If we're not in the same social group, then the only way I know to do this is to have a coffee together.

[PRW]

Go out in groups. Never alone. Talk about your husband while with the friends. Never bad mouth your husband in front of them.

[bulrush]

If they already know I'm married and I say "Would you like to go out for a coffee together?" will they automatically know I am only looking for friendship?

No, never assume. First, don't go out alone with him only go out in groups. Also talk to your husband about this. He is not responsible for doing all the work, you have to make it work too to spark up the romance. And never do anything that makes you look suspicious, like going out alone with another man. That's just asking for trouble.

[smackie09]

You are married and interested going for coffee with other men? So inappropriate and disrespectful to your husband/ marriage, even if you have no intentions but friendship. Get a bloody hobby that involves making friends with other women.....or call up some old GFs and hang out.

If you are seeking male company, then you should be seeking out a marriage counselor......obviously you are suffering from neglect, and your husband needs to smarten/ grow the f up. It all starts with good honest COMMUNICATION with your partner. Going out for coffee with other men is NOT your solution.