Is this creepy to men?

[omgtotallyxo]

Hello,

I have been having frequent thoughts about a particular man who I dated briefly but because of some misunderstanding we stopped going out and haven't talked to each other for about a year, maybe even longer.

I have been having frequent thoughts about him including some very sexual and steamy ones. I think it also has to do with my general heightened sex drive or sex craving lately. Anyhow, I haven't stopped thinking about him for over a year and because of that, I think there has to be something special about him.

I have been thinking about contacting him. But I am afraid of getting rejected, looking creepy.

What if he has a girlfriend or wife now? It has been so long since I talked to him.

How would you react or think if a girl who you only briefly dated from over a year ago contacts you and tell you she still likes you? Is it UBER CREEPY? Or a compliment? Would it change if you are in a relationship or a marriage?

How should I approach this and what should I tell him? I want to find a way that makes me look less creepy.

[ThisRandomDude]

It's not often that me and my guy friends sit around and say, "Remember that one chick? Damn, she was creepy". That's not to say it's never happened, but as a woman, you'd have to do some definitively creepy shit, for it to qualify as creepy, in my opinion at least. Put it this way.. A couple years back, an old GF of mine randomly showed up to my house, at like 10pm, WITH her new boyfriend, 15-20 years after I last saw her. On top of that, she was CLEARLY flirting with me. Was I a little uncomfortable? Sure. Creeped out? Naaaah. So what I'm saying is... Give him a call, or maybe even a text would be better. Casually open up the line of communication with him, and see what happens. You don't need to put all your cards on the table right away. Just check up on him, see if you guys can swap texts for a few days, then maybe get him on the phone once or twice, then maybe meet up for lunch a little after. Again, ANOTHER one of my exes hit me up recently after 5 years, and that's how our situation played out. But there's really nothing there, so I imagine it'll die out again.

In other words, give him a call, or a text, whatever you see fit.

Also, comment on my post if you don't mind. It's under, "Ask Female".

[omgtotallyxo]

ThisRandomDude, thanks for the reply!

I anticipate he might be sort of resistant to my attempts at reconnecting. He might still be holding a grudge. If that happens, should I apologize about what happened before?

[ThisRandomDude]

Well, I honestly think it depends on what he's holding a grudge for. Can I ask what it is?

[omgtotallyxo]

Yup. So, after a really great date, he volunteered to visit me (4-5 hour drive) and I was super busy during that time and actually kind of scared (maybe of how fast things were going) so I made excuses not to see him. After a few months, when I was back in town, I hit him up and he was very salty. Refused to see me and being passive aggressive.

[ThisRandomDude]

Seriously? A grudge for that? I say reach out to him. At this point, you kind of don't have a choice, cause it'll just stay in your thoughts until you act on it. Plus, like I said in my post, life is short. Maybe if you guys engage in a dialog, at some point, you can apologize and explain yourself. You were just scared, I wouldn't hold a grudge for that AT ALL!

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You seem sweet, I hope it works out for you. And if it doesn't, something will, I promise.

[madotnw_nihs]

Did he make the 4-5 hour drive and you stood him up when he got there?

[pcmaster]

I have been thinking about contacting him. But I am afraid of getting rejected, looking creepy.

Theres no other option. Have to take that jump.

[omgtotallyxo]

Did he make the 4-5 hour drive and you stood him up when he got there?

No, I won't let him do that. He wanted to and I made excuses before he had the chance to.

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Theres no other option. Have to take that jump.

LOL! Never thought my situation being analogous to investing in cryptocurrency.

[omgtotallyxo]

I really enjoyed the time I had with him but there is always this nagging thought about him that is preventing me to act. I am not sure if I should interpret his uber sensitivity as clue to him being a difficult person to get along with. I mean, I have never met a guy who reacted this way.

Unusual or psychotic behaviour is both fascinating and alarming.

[Hooo!]

let us assume it was creepy
(Which I don’t think it is)
But let’s just assume it would be

What would you lose by maybe coming of a little creepy?
What could you gain by just contacting him again?

[omgtotallyxo]

let us assume it was creepy
(Which I don’t think it is)
But let’s just assume it would be

What would you lose by maybe coming of a little creepy?
What could you gain by just contacting him again?

If he rejects me and find me creepy, the negative consequence is mostly emotional distress. I would be heartbroken. This makes me sound like a wuss but consider this: as a female with mostly positive feedback from men, rejection is a big deal because traditionally women (and also me) doesn't even do the chasing, let alone getting rejected. This emotional impact hits harder on women than men.

But the fact that men don't usually find this sort of behaviour creepy relieves my concerns somewhat. This is the difference between men and women. Women find this behaviour creepy from men. In fact, it reminds me of the times, men who I no longer was interested in, keep contacting me despite the fact that I turned them down multiple times. I don't want to be the female version of that creepy/annoying dude who just don't get it.

[pcmaster]

That don't makes sense cause if most feedback is positive then you know who you are and confidence should be high. So one rejection shouldn't change that. Yes girls don't chase. But if you beautiful it's not creepy. Unless you 50 and guy is 20.

[omgtotallyxo]

That don't makes sense cause if most feedback is positive then you know who you are and confidence should be high. So one rejection shouldn't change that. Yes girls don't chase. But if you beautiful it's not creepy. Unless you 50 and guy is 20.

Unfortunately, despite the positive feedbacks, I still have confidence issues.

I am very surprised by how things turned out. He looked so excited on the date. He put a lot of effort into his looks (everything was well groomed, he took extra precautions not to dirty up his suit, etc), bought me a gift, and volunteered to visit me, bragged about his accomplishments. All this made me think he was really into me. And then all of a sudden, not even a second chance. I have never had men who didn't want to go out on a second date, even the men who didn't seem that interested would go out on a second date just to see if things would improve. I always thought men never passes an opportunity to go out with women unless he was really not attracted to her.

So my guess is that he was mad at me. Or maybe he had a secret girlfriend who he got back with. I don't know.

A guy like him probably has women interested in him. It would be so embarrassing if I hit him up and talk about what happened 2 years ago.lol. He might be so over it and here I am still thinking about it. Worse case scenario, he would be like "oh yea, now I remember. I am in a relationship now/married". Then I will have another heart attack.

He doesn't even have a public facebook page where I can find out if he is with someone now.

[EmoBobSwagPants]

I wouldn't find it creepy at all. If I were him, I'd make you my side-chick.